


You Don't Get to Leave

by Einst2065



Series: The Family We Make [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friendship, Love, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:04:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 60,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Einst2065/pseuds/Einst2065
Summary: No one lives in a vacuum. We saw little of what happen to Jim and Bones between Jim's "death" and the memorial service almost a year later. This story fills in that gap using some characters we have grown to know and love. Second story in the series, many characters introduced in "How We Got Here". I have a list of characters published in this series to help with the story.
Relationships: Ben Sulu/Hikaru Sulu, James T. Kirk/OC, Leonard "Bones McCoy/OC, Spock/Nyota Uhura
Series: The Family We Make [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1539277
Comments: 82
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter one

Evan Love sat hunched over the latest estimates for the primary road construction on New Vulcan. Jocelyn had left to pick up Joanna from school and had taken Crystal with her to give him a couple of hours peace. She said something about going to the market as she hurried out the door. The bid for the contract had to be accurate to the credit if it was to get past the preliminaries, these were Vulcans after all. The first contractor had walked out on the project because of the difficulties caused by the Vulcan committee. Evan had no problems dealing with Vulcans’ exacting standards, he was raised with them. This was the opportunity he had been waiting for ever since he heard about the new colony. This small project could get his name known and would help if there were larger projects in the future.

He was deep into his calculations when the comm on the edge of his desk went off. The communication was from Starfleet, though the number didn’t look familiar. Len’s, Seri’s, Cal’s, Spock’s, Pavel’s, and Jim’s numbers were programed into his phone under their names. He hesitated before flipping it open. “Hello.”

The voice on the other side of the comm had a practiced calm about it. “Is this Dr. Evan Love?”

“Yes, it is? Who is this?”

“Dr. Love my name is Reverend Combs.”

His heart felt like it would burst through his chest. He could taste the adrenaline. “He’s dead, isn’t he?”

“Who? Who is dead?”

“Dr. McCoy, Leonard McCoy, CMO of the Enterprise.”

“No sir. Dr. McCoy is not harmed.”

Evan’s voice seemed to deflate. “Oh God, it’s Jim; Kirk, Captain James Kirk.”

“Yes sir, it is, but he isn’t dead. He is in stasis. Have you heard about what happened several hours ago in San Francisco?”

“No sir, I’m sorry, I haven’t.” It took all of Evan’s control to stop his hand from shaking.

“There has been an attack on the city. The casualties are in the thousands, more than likely tens of thousands. The crew of the Enterprise saved Earth from what could have been an even more disastrous attack. Unfortunately, Captain Kirk was fatally wounded saving the ship. Dr. McCoy was able to put him into stasis and is hopeful he will be able to restore the Captain. We are asking that the Captain’s family come to San Francisco to aid in his recovery.” There was dead silence from Evan’s side of the conversation. “Dr. Love, did you hear me?”

“I heard you. Has Dr. McCoy’s mother and father been informed? They are Captain Kirk’s next of kin as well.”

“Yes sir, they were contacted first. They said they would be coming to the hospital.”

“Where are the doctor and captain?”

“They are at Starfleet’s medical center. May I tell Dr. McCoy that you will be coming?”

“Tell him that Dr. Jocelyn Love and his daughter will be coming, and that I will follow after. Tell him I’ll take care of things at home before I leave. He’ll understand. Can you tell me if Dr. Targan, Commander Spock, Dr. Caroline McCoy, Lieutenant Uhura, Lieutenant Sulu, or Ensign Chekov were among the wounded or the fatalities?”

There was a pause as the Chaplin looked over his list. “No sir, they are not on the list. I have received a message from Dr. McCoy, the other Dr. McCoy. She said she will have accommodations ready for you and will be at the landing pad to meet you. Starfleet will be sending a shuttle for the family as soon as it is safe to land in the city.”

“Tell her who will be there. May I assume communication is limited at this time?”

“Yes sir, it is. It should be completely restored in a day or two. I will contact you with the shuttle information as soon as I receive it. If I can be of any further assistance please contact me at any time.”

“Thank you.” Evan closed the comm. He stared at it as he moved it around in his hand. How could he tell them? He flipped it open and commed his wife. “Baby, can you come straight home instead of going to the market?” He kept his voice as steady as possible.

“What’s wrong?” No one could fool Jocelyn McCoy Love, not even her husband.

“Just come home.” He closed the comm again and continued to look at it. They would be home soon. He needed to find a way to tell them, Joce would be bad, but Jo; that would be worse. Uncle Jim was her best friend, that is what she told everyone. They had a special bond since the day they met.

It could be worse he told himself, he could be dead, or it could have been Len. Funny he never thought of Seri, Cal, Nyota, Hikaru, or Pavel dying, but with Len, Spock, and Jim it was always a possibility. He called George who told him Lena was packing to leave as soon as possible. They already called Jazined and Ekaterina. He sent a message to Ginny telling her that her brother was not injured in the attack. He had to tell Jake and Sarah, how the fuck would he do that? He put his face in his hands and waited to hear the craft come up the drive.

It was ten minutes before he heard the craft pull up. Slowly he pushed himself from the desk, walked out the front door and waited on the porch for the women in his life to come up. Joce was holding Crystal as she started for the house. One look at her husband’s face told her something horrible had happened. “Jojo, please take Crystal in and change her.”

“Mommy, what’s wrong?” Jo looked at her stepdad, he looked upset. To Evan she looked so much like her dad, full of love and worry. She was only twelve, but there were times she looked much older.

Joce got her daughter’s attention. “Please just do it. I’ll be in, in a few minutes.” Jo knew this was one of the times she shouldn’t argue with her mother. She carried her sister in and shut the door. Joce walked up the stairs, her eyes locked with Evan’s. She turned white as she realized what this was most likely about. “Please don’t say it. Please Evan no…”

“It’s not Len.”

Joce’s eyes closed. She couldn’t bear to lose her best friend. Next to her husband Len was the most important man in her life. Then it hit her. “Oh God, no, Jim?”

“He isn’t dead, not really. Len put him into stasis. I don’t know exactly what happened, but they have asked for Jim’s family to come to Starfleet medical. Mama and George are packing to leave. I thought you and Jo should go with them. I’ll take care of things here before I leave. Before you ask, Jaz and Kat know as well.”

“They’ll be heading there. Have you told Jake or Sarah?”

“Not yet. I don’t know how to do it.”

She hugged him tight. “Do it the way you told me. First we need to tell Jo.”

His voice was a whisper. “I know.” Just the thought of telling his baby about her uncle hurt him in ways he didn’t know were possible.

They went upstairs to find Jo. She was in her room. “Don’t worry, Crystal is changed. She was tired so I put her to bed.” Both adults looked and felt upset, and scared. “What is it?” Tears fell down Joce’s cheeks. “No. Please, no, not daddy; please.”

Evan walked with her to the bed to sit down. “No baby, your dad is fine. He’s safe. Aunt Seri and Aunt Cal are also. Pavel is okay too.”

“No, Uncle Evan not Uncle Jim. Please, Uncle Evan don’t say it.” She was shaking as he and her mother held her.

“Your dad put him in stasis so he isn’t technically dead. Something bad happened in San Francisco a few hours ago. I don’t know what, but the Enterprise was involved. They want us all there to help with his recovery. I have to take care of things here before I go, but you and your mom can go as soon as possible. I’ll meet you there.”

“Mom, daddy will need us.”

“Yes baby. I’m going to talk to grandmom and see when we can get there. Go pack, I’ll pack for Crystal and me.” She looked at Evan as she stood up. Joce knew that at that moment her baby needed her stepdad.

Jo couldn’t stand yet. Evan tightened his arm around her shoulders. “It’s alright baby. We’ll get there.” Jo turned into his chest and started to cry. Evan put a hand behind her head and held her close. It hurt to see her like this. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw her cry. “I’ve got you sweetie.”

“Please come with us.” She had put her arms around his neck, the way she did when she was little.

“I need to get Uncle Tucker here first. You know Aunt Sarah and Uncle Jake are going to want to be there. We need to get things taken care of here so your dad doesn’t have to worry about it. As soon as he can get here, I promise I’ll be there with you. If anything else happens, I’ll leave here immediately. I promise baby.”

When she finally calmed, she looked at her stepdad. “He’s still alive?”

“Not exactly. He is in stasis. They say your dad is confident he can save him. I don’t know anything else baby. You should get packed so you can leave as soon as they clear the city for shuttles.” Jo hugged him one more time, then left the room. Evan leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands in his hair. He took a deep breath before standing, going downstairs and out the door to Sarah and Jake’s.

Evan knocked on the door. He didn’t feel right letting himself in, not with the news he had come to deliver. He could see Sarah through the window in the door. “Hey you, what are you doing knocking?” Her smile faded as she finally looked at his face. “What happened?”

“Where is Jake?”

“Come in, I’ll get him.” She yelled into the kitchen as she went to the stairs. “Kids stay there.” It wasn’t long before Jake and she joined Evan in the parlor.

Evan was pacing, trying to get up the nerve to tell them about their family. Jake gently grabbed his arm. “Let’s sit over here.”

They sat on the overstuffed antique sofa. Sarah pulled up a chair so they could be close to each other. Evan looked at two of his dearest friends. “I got a call from Starfleet. A chaplain called.”

Sarah took a deep breath and grabbed her husband’s hand. Jake held it a little tighter than he would normally. He didn’t want to ask, he didn’t want to know, but he needed to know. “Len?”

“No, Jim. He’s in stasis. They say Len is confident he can save him.”

Sarah knew there was more to it. “But you don’t believe them.”

“No, I don’t. It seemed like something he said to make sure the family was calm on their trip. I believe Len, Seri, Cal, Spock, Nyota, Hikaru, and Pavel are safe. I also believe Jim is in stasis. The rest is questionable. They want his family to come. Mama and George are packed by now, Joce and Jo are packing.”

“Aren’t you going?”

“I’m going to call Tuck. I need him here if I go. You two need to be there. Jake, Jim will want you there when he wakes up.”

“And Len will want you there as soon as possible.”

“He will understand. I want to do this for him. I can watch the kids if you want to leave them.”

Sarah had picked up her comm. “I’m calling Tachin. She’ll get here as soon as she can. I know her.”

“The chaplain said something happened in San Francisco, there are possibly tens of thousands dead and the Enterprise was involved. Everyone is leaving as soon as they are allowed.”

Jake put his hand over Evan’s to get them to stop shaking. “We’ll leave with everyone. I can stay with you if you need me.”

“I need you, but I need to do this for Len even more. Jake, I need to feel useful.”

“I get that.”

“I’ll be home if you need me. Sarah, I’ll take the kids until Tachin gets here.”

“Thanks, Evan I mean it. I’ll bring them to your place when we leave. You should sleep in your own bed.”

Evan looked at her. “I’ll be fine. I’ll come here; it will be easier for the kids.”

Sarah looked at Jake. “Can you call Tachin?” He knew she wanted to talk to Evan alone. He was trying to hold himself together, but he was going to fall apart; better with Sarah than with Joce. Joce didn’t need the extra stress.

“I’ll get her and start packing.” He turned his attention back to Evan. “Thank you again. Ev, if you need me to stay you just have to tell me.”

“No, you need to be there.” His leg was shaking as he had folded his hands trying to calm them. Jake left to call Tachin and talk to the kids. The little ones would be happy to spend time with Uncle Evan and Aunt Tachin. They wouldn’t understand what was going on with their Uncle Jim.

Evan was still seated on the couch staring at the floor. Sarah didn’t know what to say. She was terrified, but Evan was worse. He had never been like this, not even after Vulcan was destroyed. “Evan…”

“I wasn’t ready for this. I planned what I thought was every scenario in my head; Len dead, Jim dead, Len seriously injured, Jim seriously injured, both of them or all of them dead but not this. What the fuck is stasis? Dead, but not dead? What if they can’t bring him out of it? What if they do and he still never wakes? That’s a definite possibility. What if…”

“Stop it.” She got his attention. “Right now, we don’t know anything. I know that lack of control bothers you. It bothers me too, but we can’t let it get to us. Ev, for now we have to say to ourselves, ‘he’s not dead’. We need to look at this that way until we are told otherwise. Look at it as him being seriously injured.”

He tried to keep his leg from shaking. Sarah put her hand gently on his thigh. “Sar, I didn’t think I would react this way. I never react like this.”

She moved next to him on the couch and put her arm around his shoulder. It wasn’t long before they both started to cry. She calmed first. “Please come out as soon as you can. We all need to be together.”

Sarah’s hand rubbed up and down his back slowly. It was calming. Slowly Evan calmed under her touch. “I will. Tuck will get here as soon as he can. I’ll contact him when I get back to the house. Sarah, I’m terrified. I’m never scared, let alone terrified.”

“You mean you never have been. You don’t want to lose him, neither do I, but as of right now we haven’t. We’ll deal with that if the time comes. Until then, he is seriously injured. Why don’t you call Len?” Evan needed a task before he went crazy. Calling Len would be good for both of the men.

Evan sat up. “Communications are limited.”

“Call the Chaplin. I know you can be persuasive when you need to be, and right now, you need to be for Len’s sake.”

“Thanks sis. I needed the perspective.” He kissed Sarah before getting up to leave.

“Sweetie, don’t let Joce or Jo in the room when you talk to Len. He won’t look good and they don’t need the worry. I know Joce, and Jo…”

“Is too young. I agree with you. Thanks again Sarah. I needed this.”

“Good thing we’re neighbors.” She stood up to see him out.

Evan didn’t move. He always towered over her. It didn’t intimidate her, it made her feel safe and protected. “Good thing we’re family.” He kissed her again and left for home.

Jake joined her in the living room. “That was good advice you gave him.”

She threw her arms around his waist. Jake held his wife, both too scared to address their fears. “He needs to see him, know he’s alive. And, if I know Lenny…”

“You definitely know Len.”

“He will need Evan. Those two make a strong team. I saw that after Vulcan. We need to get packed.” The couple didn’t move to pack, but stood in each other’s arms as they prayed and clung to the fact that Jim wasn’t really dead.

Evan ran up the stairs to his home. Joce was waiting for him as soon as he opened the door. She clung to him as he led them into his office and closed the door. “What aren’t you telling me? Evan, I know you are holding something back. Talk to me; I promise, I won’t beak.”

“When I talked to the chaplain, he used the voice they use when they want to keep people calm. You know the one.”

“Yeah the same one you used with me on the phone. Do you think it’s Len?”

“No, but I think Jim is worse than he led on. I’ll get Tucker here as soon as possible, but I think he is off planet. Joce, if I leave this place unattended, it will only add to Len’s stress level.”

“I know. Call Tuck now. I’ll call Uncle George, see when we can go.”

The two picked up their comms and began to locate the people they needed. Tucker was the first to answer. His voice sounded happy. Evan dreaded the conversation they needed to have. “Evan, how the hell are you?”

“I’m fine. Tuck, I got a call from Starfleet.”

He heard the other man sit, or rather fall, into a chair. “Len?”

“No, Jim. There was some kind of an accident, I don’t know the particulars yet. He is in stasis. They want the family to come out. Part of me wants to ask you to go to Starfleet Medical, but what I really need is an even bigger favor.”

“You need me to take care of the farm. I need to finish up things here, but I can do that. It may take a little over a week for me to get there. Between what needs to be done here and the travel time. If you want to get someone else…”

“Who else could I get that Len wouldn’t worry. We need someone we can trust. That’s you.”

“I’ll call back with my time of arrival. Give me a day to put it all together. I wish I wasn’t so fucking far away.”

“So do I.”

“Evan, it will be alright. I’ll get there as soon as possible.” With that Tucker signed off. Evan knew the man would move Heaven if that was what it took to get back.

Now he needed to talk to Len. He wanted to do it without Joce in the room in case it was bad. “Hon, I thought we could all go to mama’s for dinner. Do you think that would be alright?”

“Uncle George told me to bring everyone over as soon as possible. No one wants to be alone. I’ll get the kids and Shadow.”

“I’ll join you as soon as I can. I need to make a couple more calls.” He wouldn’t lie to her, but he wouldn’t tell her who he was calling. As upset as she was, Evan knew she wouldn’t ask. Joce kissed him and hurried out to get everyone. It wasn’t long before he heard the front door close and the craft take off. It was a few minutes before he realized Jake was in the office. “Sarah and the kids went with them?”

“Yeah. I thought I’d stay with you.” He sat in the big chair across from the desk.

“I look that bad? Don’t answer that. Thanks Jake. You’re right, I need the support.” Evan called the chaplain. “Reverend, it’s Dr. Love. I need to be connected with Dr. Leonard McCoy. Can that be arranged?”

“Give me a few minutes Dr. It may take a little while.”

“Trust me Revered, I have no where else I need to be.”

It was over five minutes before a defeated sounding voice came over the comm. “Ev, please come.”

“I’m getting Tuck to come to take care of the farm.”

“Good. Knowing him he’ll get there as soon as possible. But please, Evan come as soon as you can.” With that the comm went dead. The two men looked at each other. What the hell happened, and how could they get through it?


	2. chapter 2

Len hung up the comm. Evan wasn’t coming; at least he wasn’t coming yet. It was a fucking damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. In the end the doctor knew his brother had made the right choice. Brother, that was the only word he could think of for Evan. What do you call a man you love, who you trust with everything you hold dear, who also happens to be the husband of your ex-wife? Brother seemed like the best word. Evan would be there as soon as he could. And he was always just a comm away. He would take care of home so Len could take care of what was in front of him.

  


Brother, it was a word he used for the man in the black tube as well. “Christine! Carol!” The two women came running into the room. Carol still favoring her newly healed leg. “I need the two of you to be on call at all hours. There is a room down the hall with a full bath and a couple of beds. Go grab some clothes and come back as soon as possible. I’ll requisition the room for your use. Please.”

  


Carol was confused. “I understand why you need Christine, but why do you need me? Don’t get me wrong, I want to help. I just don’t know what I can do.”

  


“The cryotube, I got him this far, but I need you to keep an eye on it. I won’t be able to tell if there are minute changes that could cause issues to arise. I talked to Scotty on the way here. He says you are the best for this and I acquiesce to his expertise.”

  


“I understand doctor. I’ll be right back.”

  


“It’s Leonard. Please both of you, for now it’s just Leonard.”

  


Carol smiled as she left, but Christine didn’t move. “Len, I need you to talk to me. Joseph is busy at the civilian hospital, so I’m all you’ve got. You aren’t as sure as you want people to think, are you?”

  


McCoy flopped into the seat behind the desk. “Am I that obvious?”

  


“Not to most people. Just talk to me.” She took the seat across the desk from him.

  


“I took a little over a pint of blood from the asshole. Don’t worry, he’s back in stasis. Right now, I’m breaking down the blood to try to manufacture a serum similar to the one I used on the furball.”

  


“So, what’s concerning you?”

  


“Jim’s not a Tribble. “

  


“No, he’s not. Let me grab some things from my apartment. I’ll be right back. Len?” He had been looking down at his lap.

  


He looked up at her. “Hmmm?”

  


“You can do this, can’t you?”

  


Len knew that in that moment she needed him to be Dr. McCoy, quiet and confident. “I can. I’ll just need your help.”

  


“I’ll be right back doctor.”

  


“Leonard!” He shouted after her as the door closed.

  


After she left, he took a few minutes to look around at the room Starfleet had put him in. Two of the walls were covered in monitors, one with windows, the last was blank; much like his mind at the moment. The PADD in front of him held all of his work regarding the serum he used on Scotty’s tribble. With a few strokes the two walls came to life. All of his work came up; one calculation flowing into another, one molecule bonding with another until the string was formed. Arms crossed Dr. McCoy studied every formula looking for any possible deviations that might be necessary because, as he said, James Kirk was not a tribble.

  


A small hand rested on his arm near the elbow. “You need to get some food.”

  


He kissed the top of her head. “I will Seri. I just want to go over these again.”

  


“I thought you would say that.” She pulled lightly on his arm. It was only then he noticed the food on the desk. He had been so engrossed in work that he didn’t even feel his fiancé when she walked into the room. “You’ve been in here for hours. Imzadi, you haven’t even showered. Please eat at least.”

  


“I’ll eat. And I promise I’ll get cleaned up.” He kissed her again before they both sat down to dinner. “I talked to Ev.”

  


“I know I talked to Joce. She said they are coming as soon as they get the all clear. Now I need to tell you something and I don’t want you to get the way you get.”

  


“What did you do?” He sounded irritated.

  


“I called Rory and Owen about an hour ago. They are also coming.”

  


He threw down his sandwich. “Why the fuck would you do that?! I don’t need their help.”

  


“Really? After the last time I thought…”

  


“You thought what?”

  


“You know what, you are being ridiculous. They are coming. You always do better with your family around and you know it. Be angry with me, I don’t care. They are coming.” With that she got up and left Len alone with his thoughts.

  


Seri walked down the hall to the room with two guards outside the door. “Dr. Seriana Targan.” She handed the lieutenant her I.D.

  


“Yes doctor, let me get the door for you.” He opened the door to an almost empty room.

  


“Thank you.” The guard closed the door leaving Seri alone with the black tube and her fears. It took a few minutes before she could bring herself to walk over to the cryotube. What would she see when she got there?

  


It didn’t take long to make it to the middle of the room. The tube looked like a casket to her. Before looking down she closed her eyes and tried to feel him, to feel anything. There was nothing. Maybe this was a casket. Then she looked down. He wasn’t blue, he was sleeping. But he wasn’t sleeping. If he were, she could feel him. “Jim please. I love you. Please baby, don’t leave. Don’t go.” Shakily her hand ran over the window. It was cold to the touch, colder than it should have been.

  


“He hasn’t gone yet.” Len’s hand rested on hers. “I’m so sorry Peaches. I’m so sorry.”

  


With that she melted into the arms of her partner. Her sobs shook both of them as he let her fall apart, tears staining his chest. Seriana Targan never fell apart; except when she did. It took a while before she was able to compose herself. “I’m sorry, you don’t need this.”

  


Gently he raised her chin with his thumb then carefully kissed the tears away. “I do. I need to know that I am still a part of you. That we still are one. You cry to me, and I promise I’ll always come to you.”

  


“Deal. Len, I believe in you.”

  


“Even if I’m not sure. I have gone over everything.”

  


“Now you need to try it.”

  


“Once I get enough synthesized.”

  


“How long will that take?”

  


“At least a day if not two.”

  


“Then you have time to wash and get some sleep.”

  


He pulled back from the embrace, from the feeling of warmth. “I can’t leave him. I can’t.”

  


“And after everything that you have gone through in the past twenty-four hours you need rest. Jim would want you to rest.” Her hand caressed his cheek. “You are tired and filthy. Neither is conducive to you being at your best. Mama and Uncle George are coming soon. Joce is bringing Jo.”

  


“I know. I don’t know if I want my baby here.”

  


“You may not, but you need her here. Also, she’ll feel better if she is here. You know the munchkin, just like her daddy.”

  


“Too much sometimes. Where do you propose I get some sleep? I gave the on-call room to Carol and Christine.”

  


“Cal got us a couple of bungalows. There were a few on the other side of the campus that weren’t destroyed. Len, you can’t keep this up.” Her eyes locked with his.

  


“He can’t be left alone. I’m not leaving him.” McCoy was determined. He had taken Jim this far and couldn’t abandon him.

  


Seri could see the desperation in his eyes, even if he hid it from her in every other way. “Give me a few minutes. Did you finish dinner?” She placed her hands on his chest. He could block his thoughts and even his feelings, but he couldn’t change his heart rate. Hell, even Spock couldn’t do that in times of extreme stress or exhaustion. Steady, but with a slightly elevated rate. He definitely needed to walk out of the medical building and decompress.

  


“No, I was an ass and I needed to find you.” His voice shook slightly; something no one who worked in the building would have thought possible.

  


“Len, I’m not going to leave you. You’re tired and scared. For you that has always been a volatile combination. I haven’t forgotten that first summer. But I appreciate the apology. Go eat. I’ll take care of some things, then I’ll join you.” After he kissed the top of her head, Len left. As the door closed, Seri’s attention went back to the man in the tube. “He’ll kill himself to save you, if we let him.” She took out her comm and placed a call. The doctor would need help if this was ever going to work.

  


Len looked at his plate. He wasn’t hungry, but as a doctor he knew how important it was to eat. As he picked at the sandwich and ate the salad, he waited for Seri to join him. The past five years she had been his anchor. She was the principle reason he had excelled as CMO of the fleet’s flagship. The best doctor on the best ship, that was what everyone said. What did they fucking know?

  


The position had become his by default; only experienced trauma surgeon left alive at the end of the Nero fiasco. He had a beating heart so Spock made him acting CMO. That by no means meant he would get the position after graduation, even with Jim begging the admiralty. Seri was the reason they considered him for the post. She kept him focused after Nero. When they came back from leave, she got his mind out of Georgia and back into Starfleet. He needed that or part of him would have been with Evan after the loss the man had suffered, with the rest of him running over “what if” scenarios in his head. At times the “what if’s” were too horrific to entertain. No, without her his grades would have tanked and he would have been relegated to fixing skinned knees at the local clinic.

  


His fiancé had helped him fulfill his potential. As he thought about it all he was the best Starfleet had to offer; the best trauma surgeon, the best research physician. Would all of that be enough now that it was needed. “You need to stop doing that. Mama always said you overthink things.”

  


“Hi sis.” He stood as Caroline McCoy walked into the arms of her big brother. Len noticed her hair still smelled of honey, the way it did when they were back home. The admiral had informed him that his sister was safe, and he knew Seri had seen her; but until he held her, smelled her hair, felt her heart beat, he didn’t believe she was unharmed. “God, it’s good to see you.”

  


Her hand rubbed up and down his back slowly as she clung to him. “I thought you were dead. We heard the reports as things were happening.”

  


For the second time that day, Leonard McCoy held a woman he loved as she broke in his arms. The difference this time was the tears were for him. “I’m alright Cal, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

  


“No, you’re not, you’re not okay. Have you looked in the mirror?” She wiped her eyes on his shirt the way she did when they were children. Cal tried to laugh, but the sound only held the fear she hid from all but him. As she pulled back her eyes studied his face.

  


“I’m afraid to. Do you want to see him?”

  


She let go of her grip completely and steeled herself for the tableau in the room down the hall. “I need to see him. And you need me to stay with him. I can do this.” Len knew the last sentence was less a statement of fact, and more a way for her to convince herself.

  


“I’m sorry? I don’t understand.”

  


“Seri called while I was walking over. It takes a little while to get across campus right now.”

  


“I can imagine.”

  


“I don’t think you can. Anyway, she asked if I could stay with Jim so she could drag you to the bungalow for a shower and some sleep.”

  


“Can’t I just go back to your place?”  
  


“Lenny, I don’t have a place, not after this afternoon. The entire building is gone.”

  


“Oh God Cal…I didn’t realize…”

  


“It doesn’t matter. I didn’t even have a plant or a fish. Everything I had in there is replaceable.” He noticed her playing with the silver anchor that hung around her neck ever since the day Jim gave it to her, and the diamond studs he had given her still sparkled against her skin. She still possessed the only material things she treasured.

  


“Grab some scrubs before they are gone. You’ll need a change of clothes. Seri is meeting me here. I think she wants to make sure I’ve eaten.”

  


Cal looked at the half-eaten tray. “She’ll be mildly pleased. Your amazing fiancé, who you don’t deserve by the way, is setting up a schedule so Jim is never left alone.” Len’s eyebrows knitted together. “Sweetie, she is worried about you. We all are.”

  


“Even Spock?”

  


Her smile was large and genuine. “Believe it or not, especially Spock. He is still being debriefed at headquarters, but I met him before he went in. Oh, you should take a look at his hand and maybe his right shoulder when you are both at the house tonight. I did manage to grab two so everyone would have a place to stay. They couldn’t say no to the sister of the Enterprise’s CMO. Sorry, but I did wear you rank to get them. Ben and Demora are staying in the second one. Ben grabbed some clothes, her portable cot, pictures, the kitten and its litterbox, and the fish. Still can’t figure out how he managed the fish. Sorry, their building is largely standing, but there is a lot of structural damage. I gave him an access card. He said he’ll try to grab more of their things later if he is allowed back in. But they are safe.”

  


“How did you find him?”

  


He commed me when he saw my apartment go down. We have become very close, and he panicked. Len, he was half crying when I answered. He had just gotten the little one from daycare, something about her having a doctor’s appointment. Baby, the daycare was destroyed less than an hour later.”

  


“Move them to the house Spock and I are in.”

  


“I’ll call him. I’ll put the crew in yours and family in the other. It would be best for all of you to stay as close to one another as possible.” Sometimes Len forgot his little sister was becoming a very accomplished psychologist.

  


The door opened catching both of their attention. Seri walked in and smiled at Cal. “Hey sis. I set up the schedule so this one can get some rest. You have the next four hours then Pavel will relieve you.”

  


The doctor looked concerned. “How long do you think I’m going to stay away?”

  


Seri stepped between him and Cal. Cal took that as her cue to leave. “I’ll wait over here.” She walked to the windows and looked out across the undisturbed area of the campus to the bridge.

  


“Len, you haven’t slept in almost twenty-four hours. By the time you get back to the house and washed it will be longer than that. You said it will be at least a day if not two before the serum is ready for use. After that I doubt you will be getting much sleep. You need to rest now while you can. We have this, I promise you. I gave a list of authorized personnel to security and to the hospital. As more people arrive, we’ll add them to the rotation. Jake and Mama will want to sit with him as soon as they get here. You need rest if you are going to be of any use later. Now you can rest knowing he won’t be left alone.”

  


“I’m not going to win this argument, am I?”

  


“No.”

  


Len studied his fiance then looked over at his baby sister. She looked a little lost as she stared towards the bay. “Are you ready?”

  


“Yes.” To him, she didn’t sound particularly convincing. “Let me grab a PADD.” She took one from the conference table before joining her brother. “Let’s go.”

  


Seri waited outside Len’s office door while the two walked to Jim’s room. Security barely acknowledged them as they entered the room. The first thing that struck Cal was how much the tube looked like a black casket. In a way she reasoned, it was. Black and cold, the lights bounced off of its gleaming surface, a surface that drew her forward. It was a casket that held her world.

  


Len put his hand in the middle of her back as he slowly guided her to the cryotube. There was Jim. She looked through the window at his face. To her he looked no different than he did as he lay in bed after a hard day on the farm. “You can talk to him.”

  


“Why? He can’t hear me.”

  


“We don’t know that. I’ve been talking to him since we got him here. It may help.”

  


She sat in the anti-gravity chair Seri had brought in. “Len?”

  


“Yes?”

  


“You think you can bring him back?” He could always read his sister. She needed him to say an unequivocal yes, but more than that, she needed him to tell her the truth. “I think I can, yes.”

  


“So, you don’t know?”

  


“Cal, I’m doing the best I can. Before you ask, there is no one I can consult. No one has done anything like this before. The serum will be ready in the next two days. After that I’ll have a better idea. I wish I could tell you I’m positive it’ll work, but Cal, I don’t know.”

  


She took his hand and kissed the top of it before holding it to her cheek. “Thank you.”

  


“For what?”

  


“Not bullshitting me; trusting me. Len, I know you’re doing your best. Now, I’m going to say something you may never hear me say again. Pay attention." Her green eyes looked up at him through thick black lashes. “You’re the best. I watched you do your research when you lived at home; always buried in your PADD, hiding from dad. You were brilliant, still are. If you can’t figure this out, no one can.” She kissed his hand again; clinging to him, almost afraid to let go.

  


“Thank you for that. I just don’t want to fuck this up.”

  


“You can’t. Now go get some sleep, and please take a shower. You smell like a structure fire and sweat.”

  


Len kissed her on the top of the head. “I love you too.” The click of the door as he exited the room echoed off the walls and the windows.

  


For the first time since the galaxy tore into the quad, Cal was alone with her thoughts. She commed Ben, told him to move into the bigger bungalow and gave him the entry code. Then she was alone again. Avoidance when it came to looking at Jim wasn’t working. She had seen him when Len brought her into the room, but she hadn’t let the reality of the situation sink in, she couldn’t. No matter how tangible it all was, it still seemed unreal.

  


The door felt cold against the doctor’s back. He could see Seri as she waited for him. They were right, the women in his life usually were, he was exhausted. His head hung down as he allowed the exhaustion to wash over him. “Come on Imzadi; time to go to sleep.” She moved his hair aside to kiss his forehead.

  


“Cal said I smell like a structure fire and sweat.”

  


“She isn’t wrong.”

  


Len straightened up, put his arm around her shoulders and leg her down the hall. “Let’s go.”


	3. Chapter 3

Jake looked at Evan. “I’ll comm you when we get there Ev. I’ll make sure you know what I know.”

“I can’t go, not ‘till Tuck gets here.” He ran his hands through his hair as he leaned back in the chair.

“I know. I also know what it’s costing you. Are you sure you don’t want me to stay and you go?”

“Jim will need you, not me.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. Len needs you, so will Jimmy.”

“Len needs to have one less worry. And he needs you as well.”

“Can I tell you something?” Jake extended his legs causing him to slide down in the chair. “Lenny and you…You two are a real team. Staying here when you are mentally in San Francisco, that’s something he would do. I understand you need to do this; he will understand too. But I’m still going to keep you in the loop.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Oh, don’t let Jules sucker you. Her bedtime is eight. Tachin is getting a shuttle late tomorrow, so the little imp will try you. Tachin…Jules knows better than to try it on her. Sarah put their meals, and yours in the refrigerator.”

“She’s fast.”

“My wife is built for crisis. Don’t worry, she just made sandwiches; nothing fancy.”

Just then Evan’s comm went off. “It’s George.” He stared for a few seconds before answering. “Uncle George? Alright, I’ll let him know.” The call ended. “The shuttle leaves at 20:00 tonight, but you all need to be there at least an hour before. It is a Starfleet shuttle, not a civilian one. They have security check points. Also, they need to check your ID’s and luggage.”

“And?”

“He said we need to look at the news.” Evan walked around the desk to sit in the chair next to Jake. The PADD was set up so they could both watch. Suddenly pictures came across the screen; pictures of complete devastation. “What the fuck? What the hell is that?” Evan pointed to what was left of the USS Vengeance.”

“Where’s Cal’s apartment?” Wasn’t it there?” Jake pointed to an empty spot in the sky.

“It was. The reverend she was safe, not on the casualty list; and she has a place for all of you to stay. There, there is the medical building.”

“It looks okay. What is that?” Jake was pointing to a large black cylindrical object.

“It looks like a nacelle, but I can’t be sure. That looks like the assembly hall.”

“What’s left of it. Look there…Jake that was the dorm they were in when they went there.”

“Luckily most of the cadets would have been in class. Shit! Look here.” He pointed to a flat, grass covered, area beyond the destruction zone. They zoomed in on a makeshift staging area for the morgue. Covered bodies laid in rows as more were brought in. “Tens of thousands is what the man said. He wasn’t exaggerating.”

“There won’t be that many bodies.” Jake looked at Evan confused. “The heat caused by the ship coming through the atmosphere will incinerate a lot of the people on the ground. Most people don’t think about that. The friction causes heat, that means instant cremation.”

“I’ll keep Jo away from that area. Do you think she shouldn’t go?”

Evan leaned back in the chair. “She needs to be there; needs to be with her daddy.”

“Does it bother you?” He wanted to gauge the man’s feelings about his relationship with his step-daughter.

“No, why would it? Jake, she loves me. It’s unconditional and I know that. But Len is her daddy. I never want to stand between that. She needs to see him, but he needs to hold her. That baby will ground him just being there. Please just keep her away from as much of that as possible.”

“I will. I know Joce won’t leave Crystal, but in the off chance she does, Tachin won’t mind. You know how she is about the kids.”

“She loves all of them. Are you packed?”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“No.”

“You know me, it will only take a few minutes. I’ll make sure we’re ready.”

The front door opened. Jules ran into the room and jumped into Evan’s lap. “Uncle Evan, mommy said you are staying with us tonight. I can help you with J.G.”

“I don’t think your uncle needs help. But thank you baby. Where’s your mom?”

“Taking J.G. to the house. She said you need to pack.”

“Come on baby.” He picked up his little girl giving Evan one last look before heading to his home.

Evan left for the main house. He decided to walk. It would help him clear his head. It wasn’t Len, but it was Jim. He stopped after crossing the bridge; the bridge he and Jim had worked on the Christmas after Len had bought the Tyler farm. His eyes were closed as he took a deep breath. He wasn’t ready; wasn’t ready to lose another brother.

When he arrived at the house, everyone was seated around the kitchen table. Lena walked over to the man. She could see and feel the pain he was trying so hard to hide. It was only seconds before he was in her arms. He allowed her to hold him as he closed his eyes, willing no tears to fall. “Joce told us you are staying here until Tuck arrives.” She walked him to the table where they sat next to each other on the bench. “Meg called. She said it could take him wo weeks to get here.”

“I know, but it’s what’s best. Len needs me here more than he needs me there. And he and Jim both need Jake.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about them needing you less than Jake. I know you need to do this. But please comm Len every day. You know him.”

Evan had his hands folded on the table. He concentrated on them, studying every cut and freckle. Lena bumped his foot with hers. He startled. “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right, it will give him a chance to walk away from everything for a few minutes.”

Lena put her hands over his. “One way or another, this will all work out.”

This was what Len felt. Evan always understood the feeling of responsibility, now he felt the isolation. For the time being he knew he had to take over as the head of the family. McCoy needed him to do that; to oversee the farm and the corporation. He would go over the corporation with Tucker as soon as he arrived.; but for now only Evan was qualified to look after both. He stood and left the room; the walls were closing in on him. He needed fresh air.

Joce handed Crystal to Jo. George stopped her. “Let me talk to him baby. I think he needs a father right now.” He gave her a sad smile before following the man out the front door. George had expected to find Evan on the porch. He looked around before he heard the muffled thumping that came from the side of the house near the summer kitchen. It didn’t take long to arrive at the source of the sound.

Evan was splitting wood for the fireplace. It wouldn’t be needed for months, but the man was attacking it as if he needed to have a cord ready for the next day. George leaned against the pile of split, stacked wood. He had seen Ev like this only once before; after Vulcan was destroyed and Len had taken him back to the farm. It wouldn’t be allowed to get that bad this time.

Being a quarter Vulcan, it took a long time for him to begin to tire. George waited until he could tell most of the fight was out of the younger man. “Did it help?”

Evan looked up panting. Sweat poured off him, soaking his shirt, plastering his hair to his forehead. “What? I don’t know. Not really.” The axe was thrown next to the hydraulic splitter.

“Let’s go for a walk.” Evan peeled his shirt off as they walked towards home and away from all of the eyes in the kitchen. “I know I’m not your father, but I hope you know how much I care about you.”

“Yes, you are, and I do.”

They arrived at the house. Everything was deathly quiet; even the horses were still in their stalls. Evan sat heavily on the top step, hands rubbing roughly through his thick black hair as he hung his head. George sat next to the man as his shoulders began to shake. Silently the older man put an arm around his boy. Evan struggled to regain control. “Don’t do that, not with me.”

“I wasn’t ready for this. I’m not ready to lose another brother. I’m definitely not ready to be lord of the manor, even if it is only temporary.”

“You may not be ready to lose another brother, but you are ready to be lord of the manor. You don’t realize it, but you have been all these years. And before you say anything, Len trusts you to be that when he can’t be here. He trusts you with the most precious things in his life.”

Tears were wiped away before he blew his nose into the sweaty shirt. “They were all looking at me as if I had all the answers. I don’t have any fucking answers; not for Jo or any of them.”

“Jo may look to you for answers, but the rest of us look to you for love. We are all in this together. No matter what happens, we have the family. And you were right to stay. Tucker has a better idea of what is necessary for the farm and the corporation than Jake. What he doesn’t know you can easily teach him.”

“You’re right. That’s why I called him. Dad, I don’t want to fuck up.”

“Now you sound like Lenny.”

“I guess Joce has a type.” They both laughed as George stood and extended his hand to help Evan up. “I’m going to pay for this tomorrow, and I have Jules and J.G. Shit. I wish Len was here with one of his magic hypos.”

“I’ll tell Joce you’re taking a hot shower. Lena and I will keep the girls. I think you two need to spend some time together before we have to leave. Take an old man’s advice and lose yourselves in each other. Give that to one another before we leave for San Francisco. She’s your partner, you both need to feel it.”

“Thank you for everything. I mean it. I’d hug you, but I’m a sweaty mess.”

George gave him a reassuring hug. “I don’t care. I don’t want to see either of you until it’s time to leave.”

“Yes, sir.” With that George walked back to the main house as Evan went up the stairs to take a long hot shower.

His clothing felt heavier than it should have as he gingerly removed his pants and underwear. Damn, his arms were going to be useless by the next morning. Hot water beating on his back was almost as good as a massage. He had to thank Owen for finding the shower head on one of his business trips.

Small hands with long graceful fingers found his chest as the water ran down his head and face. “Uncle George suggested we spend time together before I left.”

“And what did you think of that idea?”

“I asked him to keep the girls there. I thought we might need the house.”

“The entire house?”

“Oh, yes Dr. Love. I have a few places we haven’t tried yet.”

“Mmmmm. Come here Dr. Love.” In one movement she was in front of him, her tongue in his mouth, his fingers tangled in her hair.

Joce knew he needed her. More than that she desperately needed him. Gwen had given her a calendar of her ovulation dates and her inoculation, so she knew why she was more ravenous than usual. Jocelyn liked sex, but this was more. This was unbridled desire.

Arms reached around his neck as she pulled herself closer. He could physically feel her love and her lust. She moaned into his mouth as he pushed her against the shower wall. Reluctantly Joce pulled her mouth away, gasping for air. “I love you so much. God, I need you. Please, Ev.”

Being part Vulcan came in handy. Her physical feelings and thoughts came through his touch, so did every one of her intense emotions. Their feelings tangled until they were one with the other. They always made love, but right now he knew she wanted him to be forceful, to take charge. She wanted him to fuck her; nothing gentle would do. He pushed her harder into the wall, towering over her. “I’m going to fuck you. I’m going to be so deep in you, you will feel it even when I leave. When you touch yourself, you’ll remember how my dick felt in your cunt. You are mine. Tell me you’re mine.” His growl went to her core.

“God yes, I’m yours. Fuck me. I need you to fuck me.” Her vulva throbbed at the feel and smell of him.

Before she realized it, he was on his knees eating her out. The feel of his tongue against her clit had her grinding against his face. He inserted three fingers in her without warning. She screamed as he ate her and finger fucked her into oblivion.

Her taste, better than his favorite food, had his dick dripping. He wanted to be in her, but he also wanted this to last. When her orgasm ended, he stood, placing her forehead against hers. “Out of the shower.” It was hard to find the words; everything had become primal.

They each grabbed a towel and quickly dried off. Joce finished first. She licked the water from him as it ran down his sternum to his dick. He was sticking straight up, pulsating, twitching. Her tongue wrapped around the head of his cock. She didn’t kneel, but squatted in front of him.

Evan watched his wife; as she sucked him off, she played with herself. It took all his resolve no to cum. “You taste amazing. I love giving you head.”

“Stop, I don’t want to cum yet.” Joce stopped, though she looked disappointed. “I want to see you get yourself off. Show me what you do when I’m not here.”

“Only if you show me what you do when I’m not around. I want you to cum on me. Then I want to fuck you.”

Her hand was still on her pussy. Their eyes locked as she laid back on the tile floor, legs spread, rubbing her swollen lips and clit. Evan took his cock in his hand and started to stroke up and down, slightly twisting as he reached the head. She glued her eyes to his cock. It made her wet just watching him. She put two of her fingers inside her vagina. Joce couldn’t always find her g-spot the way Evan could, but this time she had no trouble.

Evan felt his balls start to pull up, but he needed to see his wife cum before he did. It wasn’t long before her rubbing became fiercer. They were both moaning before she threw her head back as she rubbed harder. “Cum for me. I need to watch you cum. Then I’ll cum all over you. I want to see my cum glisten on your skin.”

Hearing her husband tell her he was going to cum all over her was more than she could take. Joce was squirting as she screamed through her orgasm. Evan took a step closer to her and buckled his knees as he moaned her name. He shot himself all over her chest and stomach. It took what felt like an hour for him to stop, his arms and legs shaking before he had to sit on the floor.

As intense as it was, Evan had no refractory time. Another perk of being part Vulcan. If his partner was still aroused so was he. At first it was through touch telepathy, now it was her scent. Her scent could keep him hard for hours.

Joce was staring at her lover. Never did she think she would love a man the way she loved the one sitting in front of her. They were a part of each other on a level she hadn’t experienced before. Every touch, every look drew her farther into his soul. “We should get cleaned.”

His voiced remained animalistic, almost a growl. “No. I like the smell of me on you.” With that he climbed on top of her, easily sliding into her. She smiled at him as he studied her face. His brow furrowed as he stared deep into her. She brushed her fingers lightly over his face as his expression softened. He buried his face in her neck while she held him close.

Their partnership was the partnership of equals, two strong individuals. “I love you.”

“Joce, I love you. I need you.”

“I need you too.”

He leaned onto his hands. “Come with me.” Evan gently pulled out and helped her stand up. Their fingers laced together as he led her out of their suite and toward the main staircase. He walked half way down then stopped. She was two steps above him when he suddenly turned and captured her mouth with his.

Jocelyn opened for him; tongues tangled as his right hand reached between her legs. His thumb was inserted first as she pulled herself in tighter. She moaned into his mouth while he laid her down onto the steps, inserting another finger.

The angle allowed her legs to separate easily. Fingers were removed before his dick filled her. He thrusted in hard up to his balls. Ev was on his knees with none of his weight on his wife. She was arching off the steps, thrusting herself onto him in unison with his thrusts. They allowed themselves to completely lose control, something they hadn’t done in years. Their loud moans echoed through the empty house.

Marks were left across her chest; his claim on her, a Vulcan’s claim. She screamed his name while his mouth was on her breast. “Joce, wrap your arms around my neck.” She did exactly as told. His strength allowed him to lift her with one arm, as if she weighed no more than Crystal; the wood splitting long forgotten. Without pulling out, he pinned her to the wall. The steps put them at different levels. Given their height difference, this was perfect. He wanted to fuck his wife standing up. The steps made that possible.

Jocelyn felt a part of her husband in a way she hadn’t felt before that day. His Vulcan blood was taking over; driving her lust beyond all reason. Though not submissive by nature, she was more than happy to let him take her, consume her. One of her feet was on the step above him and the other one on the step above that. Without thinking he put one foot below her and one in front of her top leg. She was dripping down her legs, pinned to the wall, stretched wide for her lover. He slammed her into the wall, lost in the feeling until she bit him on the chest. With that he came again, filling her as if he hadn’t cum in weeks. His dark scream vibrated off her neck.

She didn’t cum that time, she wanted all of it to be for him. The Vulcan in him needed it to be rough, animalistic. Usually he was soft, gentle; as if he was afraid, he would hurt her. Today she wanted him to have what he craved. Truth be told, she also needed it. Amazingly he wasn’t done yet. He was panting into her neck still hard inside her. “Evan, tell me what you want. I’ll do anything you want.” She trusted him, loved him, but along with that she throbbed for him.

Deep chocolate eyes looked into her; his breath hot against her face. “I want to have all of you. Meet me in the den.”

Jocelyn Love glided slowly down the stairs as her husband watched her every movement. He stroked his cock as he watched her ass bounce slightly with each step. Evan was ready to cum again; watching her was all he needed to get him off. The strokes came faster as she stopped to run her hands up the inside of her thighs. He could smell her juices as they ran down her legs. She heard his moans as she continued to run her fingers over the hot dampness between her legs.

Vulcan blood continued to control him. Evan had to take his hand from his cock to take hold of the stair rail. As if she knew exactly what was happening, the beautiful woman slowly turned to her husband. Joce grabbed her tit, looked him in the eye, and licked it, before sucking hard on the nipple. His scream could almost be heard outside. Legs as hard as wood shook. The banister strained as cum squirted out of his dick, landing on the dark hard wood of the stair.

Joce relished the power she had over her husband. His forearms showed every bulge as he gripped the railing. Her lover’s arms had long been one of her favorite of his features; powerful and strong. Strong arms that held her like a piece of fine porcelain. She continued to the den as he took a moment to gather himself enough to walk down the stairs without falling. Before Evan got to the room, she had turned on the fireplace and closed the shutters. It wasn’t winter, but she loved the look of the fire as it shown in the man’s eyes. She needed to cum one more time before they were done; then she would be sated.

Evan took a deep breath. He could feel her even without touching. She had given him everything. He wanted everything, needed it to his deepest core. Now he needed to physically feel her; to have her slowly excite each of his nerve endings as he set her afire.

By the time he reached the den, Jocelyn stood opposite the door, illuminated only by the firelight. Eyes softened by love looked at her; saw all of her. To her he was even more handsome than the man she had met years prior. Her marriage was over and she had vowed never to allow another man into her heart. But then, she had never met anyone like Evan Love; handsome, intelligent and in touch with who he was.

As he walked across the room, the warmth of the fire radiated off his sweat covered skin. Fingers danced their way down her neck, over her breasts, before coming to rest on her stomach. “God you’re beautiful. You are more beautiful than that young girl I met at that dinner all those years ago.”

“I wasn’t a girl.” Her hands glanced over his arms and chest.

“Yes, you were. Now you are a woman, so sure of yourself, and strong.”

“Strong because of you. Strong enough for you?”

He pulled her close; moved backward until his legs hit the couch in front of the fireplace. She watched the fire as it danced in the melted chocolate of his eyes. “Always.” Gently he sat, carefully pulling her with him. Joce positioned herself, one knee on either side of his thighs. Slowly he was guided into her. His wife’s head fell back at the sensation of him hitting her g-spot.

She missed his soft smile at the sight of his lover losing herself in the electricity of becoming one with him. They rocked her back and forth slowly building both of them up. Both rode the intensity for over twenty minutes. Each time she was close, he would stop or change his rhythm just enough for her to come down a little. Vulcan control had its place in more than the negotiation room. Jocelyn watched the expression on Evan’s face change as he built them up and leveled them off. In the end all the control in the galaxy couldn’t stop him from losing himself in her.

This time, when they came, they came together. He felt her walls spasm then clamp as she buried her head in his neck. As he emptied himself into her, she could feel the warmth fill her. Warm undulating walls tightened around him, holding him in her as long as possible. She needed them to be one as long as possible.

Eventually he fell out. “We should get cleaned up. Evan, if I haven’t told you, you are the love of my life.”

“And you are mine. Let me get a towel from the kitchen. The couch seems okay, but the steps…”

“Yeah. I’ll clean off the couch anyway.”

It didn’t take long for them to finish and meet in their room. “I’ll get the shower ready.”

“Thank you, baby. I’ll make sure Jo’s bags are downstairs.”

Evan watched as his wife left the room. He saw her naked every day, but it took away none of her allure. She still looked like a Romney painting. More specifically, she always reminded him of the painting of Emma Hart as Circe. Except her eyes, Jocelyn had the most beautiful royal blue eyes he had ever seen. George was right, he was ready to be lord of the manor. He wasn’t in it alone; he had a partner. Joce would be his anchor and rudder if necessary.

Jocelyn walked into the shower as Evan languished under the hot water. “Everything’s in the hallway.” She grabbed the shampoo. “Evan, I can stay. Lena and George can take Jo.”

“No, this is the best arrangement.”

The couple dried off before climbing into bed. “Ev, I’m going to miss you.”

An arm came under Jocelyn. It made the perfect pillow as she cuddled into her husband. “I’ll miss you too. We’ll talk every day. Are you taking the scanner Gwen gave you? Might not be a bad idea after today.”

“I doubt I’ll need it, but I’ll pack it.”

“You’ll let me know?”

“If I’m pregnant? Hmmmm, I don’t know. I thought I would tell the father first.” She was having a hard time suppressing a giggle. That was until he pinned her to the bed. Then they were both laughing. Evan kissed her neck as he slipped a hand between her legs. They slowly made love one last time before they had to dress.

The craft in front of their house was loaded quickly. Evan stopped before they got in the van. “Joce, let me know when you land and when you get to your quarters. It’s bad there. Fuck, that’s an understatement. It’s a war zone.”

“Baby, I know. Lena showed me. I’ll keep your girls away from it. You’ll need to comm Jo.”

“Every day? I don’t want to overstep.”

“Probably every day; she’s scared. You couldn’t overstep. You know how Len feels.”

“I do. And yes, I’ll make sure to comm him often.”

As soon as they all arrived at the main house, the vans were loaded with everyone else’s bags. Evan drove the one van and Louis the second one. It took almost an hour to reach the Starfleet terminal. The base was surrounded by a fence. Both vehicles were stopped directly outside the gates. Multiple security personnel walked up to Evan and Louis. They asked for identification documents from all of the adults, and their boarding clearances. As the documents were authenticated, more security came to examine the crafts. Once they were done, the head of security came to Evan. “Dr. Love, please follow the signs to the departure terminal. Dr. Caroline McCoy will meet those headed to Starfleet headquarters at the landing site near the medical building. Dr. Love we have you and Mr. Donnelly entered into the system. You will have clearance for the next month. After that, your credentials will have to be re-run.” The man took a step back, the gates opened and the group entered.

It took very little time to arrive at the terminal. Evan and Louis helped the group as they lined their luggage up to be checked by still more security. Ev stood with his ladies. “Jo, you need anything, I’ll keep my comm with me”. He hugged her tight, kissing her on the top of the head.

Jo hugged her “dad” as hard as she could. “I love you Uncle Evan.”

“I love you too Monkey.”

Evan took Crystal from Joce. “I love you sweetie.” He gave her a kiss before handing her to Jo.

Joce walked to her husband. “I’ll call as soon as we land. God, I love you.”

“Love you more. I’ll wait for your call.” He kissed her deeply right before security told her they were free to board. “I’ll miss you.”

“I miss you already. Evan, please come as soon as you can.”

“Believe me, I’ll be on a shuttle as soon as Tucker takes Highland’s books. So basically, the day he gets here. I’ll talk to you every day. Love you baby. They’re calling you.” He kissed her again before patting her butt. She turned, giving him a devilish smile before following the group down the gangway to the shuttle. Evan joined Louis outside. They both watched as the shuttle took off for a hell few of them could comprehend.


	4. chapter 4

Jo kept an eye on all of the adults. No one had spoken in the hours since they took off from Georgia. All were lost in their own thoughts. She noticed that they were the only ones on the flight. Silently she got up and walked up to the cockpit. “Can I help you Miss McCoy?” The attendant stood between Jo and the cockpit door.

“No. I like to look out the front of the shuttle. I’ll go back.” She walked back to the cabin. Her mom was looking out the window so was her grandmother. Crystal was taking a nap and Sarah was talking to Jake about the pond near the Tyler’s house. Jo continued toward the back when she was stopped by George.

“Come here little one.” He sat her away from the group. “It’s nice having the whole place to ourselves.”

“I guess.”

“Do you want to talk to me?”

“About what?”

“You seem to have questions and I don’t think we have answered any of them.”

“I didn’t ask any.”

He smiled a sad smile. “Not vocally, but you definitely have them. Your dad is safe. We’ll go to him as soon as we get there. They have people to take our bags to the place your aunt got for us. Do you want to see your Uncle Jim?”

Bright blue eyes studied his face. “I don’t know. I want to, but what if he doesn’t look like him?”

“You can ask your dad, and one of us will be with you if you decide you want to go in. I’m sure your daddy will stay with you if you want to see your uncle. Do you have any other questions?”

“How bad is it? I mean, mom won’t tell me but I have seen some of the videos. I was watching when you were showing everyone.”

“I know, I saw you in the stairwell. The ship took out about half of the Starfleet buildings including the Academy ones. The medical building wasn’t hit, but the dorms are all but gone, and half of the hall is gone. Alcatraz is gone, and so is most of the wharf district and some of downtown. Your aunt said Ben and Demora are safe, but their place is severely damaged. Cal’s apartment building is completely gone. Seri is safe and with your dad. Jaz and Kat are meeting us there.”

“Uncle Evan will be there as soon as Uncle Tucker gets to the farm.”

“He will.”

“Thank you, Uncle George. No one else thinks I’m old enough to know what’s going on.”

He looked at the young girl, and for a moment he remembered the baby he held in his arms and rocked on the porch as her mother took a shower. She wasn’t a baby, but she also wasn’t as grown as she thought she was. He told her the basics, but not the graphic details. Luckily, they were enough to placate her. “Just ask me baby, I’ll answer as best I can.” For the rest of the flight, Jo stayed with George as she watched the interactions of the family.

Lights flashed and the signal beeped telling the passengers to buckle in for the landing. Jo looked out of the window as the shuttle approached the green near the medical building. She was familiar with the area. When she came to visit her dad, they would spend countless hours there and near the Golden Gate bridge. Now it was all barely visible through the smoke from the still smoldering buildings. They all remained seated while the shuttle came to land in front of Starfleet Medical. The attendant walked to the middle of the cabin holding a PADD at the same time Joce put Crystal on her lap. The man looked at his PADD and began to read the group’s instructions. “Dr. Caroline McCoy will meet you all as soon as the doors open. She has secured two bungalows for you to stay in. We have personnel to take your belongings. They will be placed in the bungalow to the left. The crew is staying in the one on the right, though you can change accommodations if needed. Mrs. Love, you and your daughter are to go to the crew bungalow. Your things will be brought there. There will be an extra room in the family bungalow which I see will be used by two more of Dr. McCoy’s family. They will be arriving within the next hour. It says here to leave a room with two beds for them. Starfleet has stocked the kitchens and there are fresh linens. There are laundries in each house. You will find detergent in there. Does anyone have any questions?” The grouped looked at the ensign a little stunned. No one knew what to ask. “Alright.”

He left the group and pushed a few buttons on a back panel. With that the back hatch opened, light and smoke streamed into the cabin. The gang unbuckled, Jake took Crystal from Joce as they all paraded haphazardly out of the shuttle and onto the unscorched grass. Cal stood there in her uniform. Lena threw her arms around her youngest as the young woman clung tight to her mother. “I’m alright mom, I promise.”

“I know baby.”

“Let’s all get to the houses. Ben is already there and the rest of the crew will be arriving soon. They are being debriefed in the library. Kat and Jaz will be here soon, and Rory and Owen should be landing within the hour. They’ll be taken to the bungalows.” She started to walk to the houses on the far side of the lawn. Jo took her hand. “It’s alright Jojo. Most of the damage is on the other side of Medical.”

It didn’t take long for them to get to their housing. Ben was in the kitchen of the crew building. Jo and Joce entered. “Hi! Jo, Demora is going to be happy to see you when she wakes up from her nap. Seri and Len are in there. He needed sleep before he collapsed.”

“I’ll be quiet Uncle Ben.” Joce had taken Crystal from Jake before they entered. The cadets arrived with their bags; Joce showed the one carrying Crystals portable crib into a bedroom with a king-sized bed. Jo went to the smallest bedroom in the middle of the hall. Each of the bedrooms had their own bath.

Cal looked around. “The huge bungalows survived, so did a couple of the smaller ones. Thank you, cadets.” The young men each nodded their head to acknowledge their dismissal before leaving. Cal joined Joce in her room. “Hey sis.”

“Hey yourself. You look like hell.”

“Good, don’t want to give any false impressions.”

“Let’s go outside to talk, Crystal just went down and I have a feeling Jo is taking a nap.” The ladies walked out the back door and sat on the lounge chair near the large oak. Joce marveled at the fact the tree hadn’t suffered any damage. She could smell the structure fires that burned on the other side of the medical building, and the buildings on the far side of the green were still smoldering. Miraculously the bridge seemed unscathed. “So, talk to me sis. I know at least some of this is about Jim, is all of it?”

“Most of it. I saw Len and Seri, so I am okay there.”

“Talk to me. You know you can tell me anything.”

“I know. Len is exhausted, and Scotty blames himself.”

“What the hell happened up there? I mean, I know about Kahn and the misalignment.”

“Jim… he saved them.”

“But not himself.”

“No, but Len seems to think he can save Jimmy. I’m afraid of what will happen if he can’t. Fuck, I’m afraid of what will happen if he can.”

“I’ll talk to Len. Cal, I’m glad they sent for us, but I am confused as to why.”

“That would be me. I know my brother. He’ll need all of us to get through this, no matter the outcome.” Cal looked across the green to the broken city, her eyes vacant.

“I have some clothes you should fit in.”

“It’s alright I grabbed some scrubs. Joce…”

‘Yes?”

“I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“I can’t talk to Len. I can’t, but he is who I have always turned to.”

“Turn to him now.”

“He doesn’t need the worry.”

“Can I tell you something about your brother?”

“What?”

“He is happiest when he takes care of others. It helps him not loose himself to his own fears.”

“I talked to him a little when I first saw him.”

“Talk to him some more when he wakes up. It will keep him out of the hospital longer.”

“After he spends time with Jo. God, he needs her right now.” Cal got up and started to pace.

A light rain began to fall. It could be heard on the roof of the porch. Jocelyn studied her sister-in-law. She had never seen her like this, scared on a level Joce doubted the woman had ever felt before. “Let’s go for a walk. I have a jacket inside. Come on, I’ll let Mama know where we’re going.”

“Where’s that?”

“You’ll see.” With that they went in. Joce commed Mama about where she wanted to take Cal. She grabbed her jacket then looked in the hall closet. Some of the crew’s things had been brought to the house from the ship. She took one of their jackets and handed it to Cal. “Come on, this looks like Len or Spock’s size. I doubt either would begrudge you.”

Cal slipped the jacket on as they walked out of the house and into the beginning of a San Francisco downpour. Mama passed them on her way from the family house to the crew house. “Hi you two. I thought I’d stay here incase Jo wakes up before Len does.”

Joce stopped to talk. “Ben is there, but I think you’re right. He may want to try to get some more things from their place.”

“I’ll give him the option. Demora is sweet.”

“And you love having her. If Crystal wakes, she needs to eat.”

“And be changed. I know sweetie.” Joce was laughing.

The two ladies left Lena and continued across the green. “Joce, where are we going? There isn’t much on the other side of the medical building, at least not much you want to see.” The older woman could see the fear in Cal’s eyes. So that was it. It wasn’t simply the fear of losing Jim, it was also everything she had seen. What had happened to her friend? One day she would find out.

Joce continued to walk towards Starfleet Medical. “I am assuming Len left our names at the desk.”

“Names? Oh, yes. You all have badges waiting. Joce what are you thinking.”

“I’m thinking I need to see him. I’m thinking that during the time you sat with him you didn’t really talk to him. I’m thinking mentally and emotionally you are saying goodbye.” She had gotten a few steps before she realized Cal had stopped. Joce turned back. “Am I wrong?”

“No. I sat in there for hours and didn’t even get up to look at him.”

“Come with me.” Joce took Cal’s hand. Together they walked up the steps and into the building. Joce wanted to help Cal to keep Jim alive in her soul until she absolutely had to say goodbye. That time might come at some point, but it hadn’t come yet.

The room was dark. Len had woken to the soft feel of Seri’s breath on his back. How long had he slept? He wanted to get up and head straight to work, but his fiancé was right, he needed rest. He was having a hard time focusing and that wasn’t good for anyone. The shower had felt good, it washed off the soot and blood. He didn’t realize how much blood he had ground into his flesh until he saw it run down the drain. Their clothes were piled in the bathroom. Seri was right, they smelled like a structure fire; Len thought, a structure fire and death. He thought about pulling another sample from Kahn, but that would necessitate waking the man and he sure as hell didn’t want to do that. No, he would have to use what he had. There was still some blood left over. If he needed to, he could break into that last half pint.

“Stop doing that.” The doctor had been so lost in his thoughts he didn’t feel his lover wake.

“Doing what?” Her arm came under his arm as she spooned him. He tangled his fingers in hers.

“Coming here to rest isn’t going to do any good if you keep drowning in thoughts of what you could have done wrong.”

He kissed her fingers. “I don’t want this to be like the time I fucked up with Spock. That can never happen again.”

It took her a minute to remember what he was talking about. “Len, that time you didn’t think enough moves ahead. And in the end, he wasn’t blind.”

“No thanks to me. I fucked that up.”

“Yes, you did. This time you have thought of every possible contingency. I’ve never known you to make the same mistake twice Imzadi. Now you need to relax for a day. With all that’s happened you cannot possibly be at your best, and Jim needs you at your best. Jo is asleep in the small bedroom.”

Len sat up. “They’re here?”

“Yes. Mama is in the den, and Crystal is asleep. Demora is also asleep, but I don’t feel Ben or Hikaru. I think most of the crew is still in debriefings.”

“We aren’t.”

“Perk of not being in the middle of the fight. I was debriefed while you were working on the transfusion serum.”

“Oh. I guess they’ll get to me later.”

“Maybe. Right now. I think they want you working on getting their Captain back.”

“True.”

Seri sat up next to him. “You want to see Jo, don’t you?” He smiled sadly. “Go to her. You can bring her back here if you want. I’ll make sure the rest of our stuff and Jim’s stuff is sent from the ship. They are going to have a lot of repairs to do and we might as well have some our things in the meantime.”

“You know what we’ll want. Thanks baby.” With that he got up, put on his underwear and went to his baby. He could hear his mother in the kitchen, but he needed to see his little girl. He opened the door to the bedroom slowly. A strip of light from the hall fell across her sleeping form. She had grown in the months since he had last seen her. They saw each other at least once a week, but that was over video. This was different. Seri had said he could bring her to their bed, but he didn’t want to wake her. She needed to sleep as long as possible. He closed the door gently.

Seri walked out of their room. She was dressed. “I’m going to help Mama with dinner. I sent the list to Starfleet. Once they are done on the ship Starfleet will send the things here.”

Len smiled. Those two in the kitchen meant he shouldn’t be there. The door across from his baby’s was closed. He opened that one as quietly as possible. Crystal was wide awake in her crib. “Good morning young lady. My you look more like your daddy every day. Come here sweetie.” He picked her up. “You need a change. Let’s get that taken care of. I wonder where your mommy put that bag.” He turned on the light and looked around the room. Crystal was playing with his necklace. There was a backpack on the chair near the window. “I bet that’s it. Let’s see.” He opened the bag without putting his niece down. “Oh, young lady you’re stinky.” She giggled. Luckily it was the right bag. Len grabbed a diaper and a box of wipes. He was out of practice so he also grabbed a towel. He put the towel on the dresser before laying the little girl on top. “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing. You know I’m not only your uncle, I’m also your sister’s daddy, and a doctor. I’ve changed more than a few little girls’ diapers.” She continued to giggle at her uncle.

His face had softened as soon as he had seen her. She had him wrapped around her finger the way Jo had Jim. He made funny faces as he undid her diaper and began to clean her. It didn’t take long for him to completely clean her and put her in a new diaper. It took a few more minutes for him to find an outfit for his niece. Once she was dressed, he walked with her out to the den. “Why hello you two.” Lena walked up to her boy. She kissed him on the cheek. “Let me take her. You need to go back to bed.”

“Do I look that bad.” HE hadn’t looked in a mirror since he woke.

“A little. Seri you need rest too. You both go to sleep. I’ve got this.” She took Crystal from Len. “Say good night to your aunt and uncle.” Lena leaned to let Crystal kiss both of them on their cheeks before taking her to the kitchen for a small snack.

“Mama said I looked exhausted. We must look like hell.”

“I guess. I just feel like I should be with him. Peaches, as soon as I get more rest I need to go back.”

“Alright, more rest and some food; doctor’s orders.”

He kissed her on the nose. “Alright doc.” They went back to their room. It took only a few minutes for them to fall back to sleep. Neither realized how tired they still were until they fell back into bed. It was going to be a long couple of days, but Seri knew she needed him to get as much rest as possible before he went back to his office to obsess over calculations he had already made over a thousand times in the past day. Seri knew there was nothing more to be done until the serum had finished synthesizing. Then he would need to be there as much as possible. For now, the thing all of them needed was for the doctor to rest.


	5. chapter 5

Joce always loved her sister-in-law. Caroline tried to be strong and unflappable, but the older woman could always see through her. They receptionist at the front desk smiled at both of them. Cal took a shaky step forward. She handed her ID to the man then reached back for Joce’s. It took a moment of rummaging in her pockets before she handed her I.D. over. It wasn’t long before her hospital I.D. was ready. “Here you go Dr. Love. You have access to the tenth-floor rooms that we have for Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk, and the cafeteria. If you wish access to other areas of the hospital you need to have one of the officers submit a request. One moment, it says here you and the Lieutenant Commander have a minor daughter. Let me get her badge for you.” A minute later the badge was produced. “I’m sorry for all of the formalities, but I’m sure you can appreciate the need for security regarding the doctor’s work.”

“It isn’t a problem. Thank you.” The ladies made their way to the lift. Cal pushed the button and waited silently. When they got in, Cal swiped her badge allowing them access to the tenth floor. Joce studied the other woman. Cal hadn’t said a word. “Sis, it will be alright. You and me, we can do this.”

“I’ve already seen him.” Cal stood a little taller. She never wanted to be seen as weak.

“Caroline, you need to go to him, talk to him, let him know you’re there.” With that she took Cal’s hand. “I’ll stay with you.”

The doors opened. Joce looked down the hall to the door that she assumed had to be Jim’s. There were two guards outside; the only color in the blaring white tunnel. She led Cal until they stood in front of the two men. They showed their badges to them before entering the lifeless room. Pavel was asleep in the only chair. Cal hung back near the door. Jocelyn let her stay there while she walked over to the tube. She took a deep breath before looking down into the face of one of the most important men in her life.

Cal didn’t know why she found it so hard to walk over to Jim. Slowly she walked up behind Pavel. Her hand gently touched his shoulder. The kid’s eyes flew open as he half jumped out of the chair. “It’s alright Pavel, we have this. You need more rest. Everything is back at the bungalows.”

“Thank you. Joce! Mama must be there!” He hugged and kissed Joce before he ran out the door.

Joce turned when he called her name. “That child will never grow up. Cal, come here.” She reached her hand toward Cal.

Slowly the younger woman made her way from the chair to the sarcophagus. She took Cal’s hand as she came closer to the tube. “I’m fine sis.”

“Don’t tell me, tell him.” She placed Cal’s hand on the tube.

It was cold, so cold it felt like the winters when her brother would take them all to Vale. They were great times. Now the cold went through her; froze her to the floor. She looked through the glass. “He isn’t there.”

“Yes, he is. He is here. Talk to him.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

Joce could feel her sister-in-law’s fear. She was lost. “Do you remember before Jo was born when Len was in that accident?”

“Yeah. He was never the best skier. How many days was he unconscious?”

“Three, well actually two and a half. I talked to him for hours. He told me there were times he could hear me.”

Cal half laughed. “And you believed him.”

Joce put her hand over Cal’s. “Not at first. Then he told me something that got my attention.” Cal looked confused. “He told me that when I sing ‘You are My Sunshine’ I sound like his Grandmom McCoy. Cal, I never sang that when he was awake, only when he was lying in that hospital bed unconscious. But he heard me. I know that as sure as I know how to get that man to relax and go to sleep.”

Cal snickered. “Only Seri and you seem to know how to do that. Maybe you’re right. I’ll talk to him. You can go back I’m alright.” She kissed the other woman on the cheek before moving the chair closer to Jim.

Joce left the hospital. She took a deep breath as soon as she stepped out of the building. There was still smoke in the air, but it was less caustic than the antiseptic smell of medical. It had been years since she thought about that accident. Len had been coming down a black diamond when he was cut off and lost control. He slammed into a tree as Joce watched helplessly. She still felt the fear as she saw the patrol load him onto the hover gurney. Then there were the days praying he would wake up and be the Len she knew. His mom and baby sisters came, his grandparents were there almost as soon as she hung up the comm, but his father never set foot in the hospital; he never left Taccoa. That fact still hurt her, to know that so much of her ex’s self-loathing was wrapped up in that man’s contempt for his only son still hurt her to her soul. Even putting the bastard in the ground couldn’t kill the pain he had inflicted. By the time she arrived at the bungalow Len and Seri had woken up. She stood outside the window, wiped away the tears on her cheeks and watched as McCoy tossed Crystal in the air and Seri braided Jo’s hair.

While Joce was looking in on the family tableau, Len saw her standing in the light rain. He kissed Crystal on the cheek before putting her on the floor and walking out the front door. He slowly walked up to her, slowly put his arms around her as she tucked her head under his chin. He could feel her as she cried, a cry of both fear and relief. “I’m alright. I promise I’m alright.”

“I thought you were dead. When Evan got the message, he thought you were. I don’t want to ever lose you Donkey. Please…I was remembering that day on the slopes. I thought I was going to lose you then. We can’t lose you.”

“All you all aren’t going to get rid of me that easily.” Her wet hair and shirt caused a large dark area to grow on the front of his green button down. Len didn’t care, the women in his life always reminded him how loved and wanted he was. “Joce, thank you for coming. Evan promised to be here as soon as Tuck gets there.”

“I know. He loves you and Jim so much.”

“I love him too. We should go inside.” He saw Seri looking at them with a smile. Jo was looking at her daddy. They had spent time together when she woke up, but they hadn’t had anytime alone. She wasn’t jealous, but she wanted her dad and Turtle time. It wasn’t long before her parents came in from the rain. Len looked at his baby and fiancé. Seri gave him a look then looked down at Jo. “Turtle, when Aunt Seri is done, do you want to come with me?”

“I would love that Daddy. Can we go down to the wharf? I would love to go to that chocolate shop.”

“Baby, the wharf is gone. How about we go to the coffee house. They make a great hot chocolate.”

The little girl had a sad smile for her father. Seri finished the braids, kissed her on the top of the head then went to join Ben and Mama in the kitchen. Hikaru was with Demora and Crystal. Everyone was trying for some semblance of normalcy. Joce kissed Jo before walking over to the kitchen area. Just then Pavel burst through the front door. Everyone turned toward the noise. “Sorry everyone. Jojo!!!!!” He grabbed her up and swung her around. “My little krohleek.”

She was giggling. “I’m still your bunny?”

He put her down. “You’ll always be my bunny no matter how big you get. I had them bring our chess set.” She kissed him on the cheek. “It should be here later tonight.”

“I have been practicing. I can’t wait until tonight.” She kissed him again before taking her dad’s hand and walking out of the house.

Father and daughter started along the green away from the devastation and medical. McCoy looked down at his little one. She was actually there; part of him couldn’t believe it, part of him wished she had stayed in Georgia. “Turtle, tomorrow you and your mom should take Crystal back home.”

“Don’t you want me here?” She looked sad and a little confused. “They said you wanted us here.”

“Baby I want you with me more than you know.” He stopped walking. “I just don’t want you around all of this.”

“Please don’t make me go home.”

Len looked into her eyes. He saw something in them, something that hadn’t been there before. In the time he had been gone his daughter had started to grow into a young woman of substance. She definitely had her mother’s strength. “Alright, but try not to go to the other side of the medical building.”

She took his hand in hers as they continued to the coffee shop. When they walked in Len noticed the lady behind the counter. He had met Leala the first year at the Academy. She was one of the few people who didn’t think he was a gruff misanthrope. “Doctor McCoy, I’m glad you’re safe. Who is this beautiful young lady?” The older woman came from around the counter.

“I’m glad you’re safe too Leala. How is your family?” He was genuinely concerned.

“They are all safe, though I don’t know about a couple of my employees. I haven’t heard from them, but it could just be because of the chaos.”

“It could.” Len tried to sound optimistic, he didn’t want his voice to betray his true fears. “This is my daughter Joanna. Jo, this is Mrs. Grandy. She owns this place.”

“It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Grandy.” Jo extended her hand which Leala took gratefully.

“It’s nice to meet you Jo. Your dad has told me all about you. I bet he brought you here for the hot chocolate. Why don’t you sit over there? It’s your dad’s favorite table. I just need to talk to him for a minute if that is ok with you?” Her voice was soft and sweet.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Jo walked over to her father’s table at the back of the shop. It felt cozy in the corner next to the exposed brick wall, cozy and safe.

McCoy turned his back to his daughter. He knew she could feel him, but he didn’t want her to see his reactions to whatever may be said. “Are you okay Le?”

“I will be. Len, I know what I said, but I think the two kids from here are gone. I heard about Jimmy. How are you doing?”

“Not great. I have an idea, but it has never been done before and I can’t guarantee the outcome.”

“I know from experience how good you are. I have never seen anything like this. We are sending water and other supplies to the disaster zone. I don’t know what else we can do. I want to help.”

“That is a lot of help. The staff at the hospital would love some real coffee.”

“Got it. We can get down there in an hour with a few gallons. I’ll brew some tea too. Can you think of anything else?”

“Naw. I really appreciate this. Jim would tell you how much your support means. I’ll get some of the gang to help you.”

“Thank Len, for all of it. We are hearing bits and pieces of what the ass wanted to do. I know Jim would say that he didn’t succeed, but he did. Without him we would all be dead.”

“I sure as hell would be.” He gave her a hug. “I have my little one here.”

“She looks like you. Is she alright with Seri?”

“That’s an understatement. If we broke up, I know Jo would never give up Seri.”

Leala laughed. “That’s great.”

“My ex is here with her; and before you ask, she is one of the best friends I will ever have.”

“I know you don’t see it now, but you are a very lucky man.”

“I am with the women in my life.” He winked at the lady.

Leala smiled. “Such a southern gentleman. Hal, Jinx, we need about seven gallons of the Brazilian blend and about five gallons of the Oolong. Get them ready then put them in the one-gallon containers; the ones that keep things hot for four hours. We can bring them back and forth to medical and St. Johns. On second thought make that ten gallons of the Brazilian and eight gallons of the Oolong. Also get the cups and the condiments please.” The kids looked shocked but quickly got to work.

“Thanks again for all of this.”

“We are a community. Every one pitches in where they can. Now let me get you your cup and some chocolate for your date.” She winked before she turned to walk away.

Jo was waiting for her dad. He came sat in the chair that faced the door to the shop. “Daddy, that lady, she knows that the two workers are probably dead; doesn’t she?”

“Yes Turtle. But she doesn’t want to deal with that just yet. She will when she gets the official word. Baby, is there anything you want to talk about with me?”

“I know you know how happy I was to see you.”

“You almost knocked me over when you jumped into my arms. I have a little bit of an idea.”

“I just am…”

“Scared? Scared that he’ll die, or scared about what he looks like?” Len knew Jo better than anyone. When it came to the big things, he could all but read her mind. The kid Leala called Jinx brought them their drinks.

Jo stared into the drink. Leala had drawn a horse on the top with cream. “Both, but mostly what if he looks different. Daddy, what if he looks dead.”

Len had been sipping his drink. He listened intently, not just to what his daughter was asking but also how she was asking it. “He doesn’t. Why don’t we go see him?” He could see and almost feel her fear. “I’ll stay with you. If you don’t want to, we don’t have to go. What do you say?”

Jo thought about it. She wanted to see her uncle, but what if he didn’t look the way she remembered. Her dad said he didn’t look dead, but that didn’t mean he looked normal. Her uncle would have come to the hospital if it were her or any of the family. She needed to do this, and her dad said he would stay with her. “You’ll stay with me the entire time?”

“Every second if you want me. I promise.” The two finished their drinks in silence. As they stood to leave Jo walked to her father, she put her arms around his waist and held on as tight as she could. Len held her, cradling her head to his chest as his head rested on hers. “I have you Turtle. I love you more than you’ll ever know.”

Leala was watching the father and daughter. She liked Len from the day she met him. He was broken then. Now he was the top of Starfleet Medical, the CMO of their flagship. He had good friends, a fiancé who loved him, and a daughter who obviously adored him. The world was burning around them, but the two could care less, they had each other. Good for him, good for Lenny.

Len kissed Leala on the cheek and Jo shook her hand before the two left for Medical. Jo took her dad’s hand and wouldn’t let it go, even as they walked through the doors and into the lobby. The receptionist nodded to the doctor as he walked onto the lift. His retinal scan took less than a second. It was a little inconvenient, but he was the one that had left his badge on the kitchen counter. He pushed the button for the floor. It was seconds before the doors opened.

The hall was bright white with doors lining each side. To Jo it looked like the hall of one of the imaginary space ships she played in when she was little. Jo stopped as soon as they stepped out of the lift. “Daddy…”

Len looked down at his baby. She was looking down the hall. “It’s alright baby. Let’s go see him.” He held her hand a little tighter as they walked slowly toward the room. Jo’s tension became obvious in her footsteps and in the stiffness of her arms. Before they got to the door Len stopped. “What’s wrong daddy?”

There were chairs set against the wall. They were as white as the floors and walls. Gently he guided her to the chair closest to Jim’s room. Her eyes were scared. “I wanted to tell you what you will see when we walk in. The room has one chair and a bright light in the ceiling. The wall across from the door is all windows. Uncle Jim is in the middle of the room. I had him transferred from the cryotube we had on the enterprise to a more up to date one from here.”

“What does it look like?”

“It is a black tube. The side closest to the window has all of the controls. On the top is a window. You can see him through that window.”

“All of him?” She was looking down at their hands, studying how small hers looked near his.

“Just from his shoulders up. He is dressed in black. He has minor abrasions, but mostly he looks like he is sleeping. There is a little bit of ice, but he doesn’t look any worse than he did on our skiing trips.”

“Can he hear us?”

“Maybe. I talk to him when I am in there working.”

“When will you give him the medicine?”

“The serum will be ready in about another day. I’ll do it after that.”

“When will you know if he will live?”

“I don’t know. I promise you I won’t give up unless there truly is no hope. I’ll do everything I can to bring him back.”

“Daddy, can I stay with him?”

“If you want to, but you have to keep your comm with you and I won’t leave my office. It is right through that door.” He pointed to a door about ten feet closer to the elevator.

“I just want to stay with him by myself.” Truthfully, she wanted to talk to her uncle and she couldn’t do it if there were other people there. She only talked to him when they were alone. “You’ll come with me now?”

“Yes. I’ll stay with you until you tell me to leave.” With that she stood up, never releasing Len’s hand. The security personnel nodded to the doctor as he opened the door letting Jo in first. “Hey sis. Jojo wanted to see her uncle.” He watched Cal quickly rub the tears from her eyes and face as she walked towards them. Cal had been talking to Jim when the two entered. It was hard, but it was better than seeing him as a corpse. She smiled at them as she walked out the door. Len let Jo dictate the pace as they moved toward the cryotube.

It took only a few minutes to reach Jim. Jo was just tall enough to see into the tube. Her free hand trembled as it touched the window. Len noticed she traced the curve of his cheek as she tried to calm her hand. “He looks pale.” Her eyes were glued to her uncle.

“He does. It is normal.” Len watched Jo for any signs of distress. Miraculously she seemed only slightly nervous.

Slowly she let go of her father’s hand. “How long does he have to stay in here?”

“Probably for a day or two after I give him the serum, but he won’t be this far under.”

“What do you mean?” Jo’s hand continued to move lightly over the glass.

“He is deeply sedated. I can keep him in stasis, but even in stasis there are various levels of sedation. I need his body to come out of the stasis very slowly.”

“Then what?”

“Then I’ll take him out of here and put him on a standard life support until his body starts to work for its self. Jo, look at me.”

She turned to him, her eyes as bright as Jim’s looked up at him. “Yes Daddy?”

“When he is on life support, I don’t want you in here.”

“Why?”

“There will be a lot of tubes and a machine to breathe for him. He wouldn’t want you to see him like that. Do you understand?”

“Not really. This is part of the grown-ups can be silly thing.”

“Sort of. Promise me that this time you will do what I tell you.”

Jo could tell this was one of those times that she needed to do exactly as she was told. He dad would never keep her from her uncle unless there was a good reason. “I promise. Dad, would you mind if I had a few minutes alone?”

“No baby. I’ll be in my office. Comm me when you’re ready.”

Jo hugged her dad not letting him go as he held her close. “Thank you for talking to me. This isn’t so scary anymore.”

“I’m proud of you Turtle. I love you.” With that they both relaxed their grip. Len walked to leave and opened the door. He turned back to see Jo place a kiss on the part of the glass that was over Jim’s cheek. The door was latched as quietly as possible. The doctor went to his office to read over some more projections and wait for his daughter’s call.


	6. chapter 6

The office was too quiet for the doctor’s taste. He called up all of his work until it danced in front of him and on the wall to the left. Try as he might he couldn’t stop his mind from racing. Concentrating on the research was pointless as the past two days caught up to him. His eyes closed as he leaned back on his chair. “Lazarus project off.”

“A curious name for your research doctor.”

Len jumped. “Why can’t you announce yourself like normal people?” The Vulcan raised both eyebrows. “New Testament reference; Aunt Doris would love it. You look tired.”

“I am.” Spock sat across from Len. He winced slightly when his hand brushed the arm of the chair. Someone not as observant as McCoy wouldn’t have noticed. “I ordered Nyota back to the bungalow after her debriefing. She requires more sleep then I.”

“You still require sleep. Let me see that.” He reached for Spock’s hand.

“I am alright doctor.” His hand pulled out of the doctor’s reach.

“Spock, I don’t have the energy to fight you today. Please.”

Spock looked at his friend. The doctor had never looked like this; or more to the point he had never seen the man like this. He put his hand on the desk. Green scabs covered three of his four knuckles. “I have not had a chance to clean them. The debriefing finished only ten minutes ago.”

Len pulled a bag from his desk. He took out the tricorder and ran the wand over his friend’s hand. When had he started thinking of Spock as a friend? It had happened slowly, but it had happened. The past year especially saw Jim, Spock, and him spending most of their lunches together. Seri and Nyota were close which put the two men into even more contact. Now he was almost as close to the Vulcan as he was to Jim. “There is a hairline fracture. Give me a minute.” He called down to have a small bone regeneration unit sent up. It was less than five minutes before an intern came running in with the unit. The kid averted McCoy’s eyes then all but ran out of the room. Spock watched the interaction, but Len scarcely noticed. The bone regenerator was placed over the green knuckles before Len sat down again. “What brings you here?”

Brown eyes looked through hazel ones. “We need to talk about what you believe the captain’s chance of recovery may be.”

“Why?” Spock shifted almost imperceptibly in his seat. “What went on in that debriefing?”

“Starfleet wants me to oversee the repairs on the Enterprise.”

“And what else?”

“There is nothing else they want at the moment doctor.”

Len ran his hands through his hair. He had been doing that a lot the past couple of days. “So, let me translate. If Jim doesn’t make it, or if he doesn’t completely recover, you are the new captain of the Enterprise.”

The two men were silent for a few minutes before Spock spoke. “Yes.”

“Have you told Nyota?”

“No. I came here first. I needed to speak to you.”

The first time he saw the Vulcan was at the hearing to separate Jim from the Academy. Then there was the incident on the bridge when the Commander almost killed Jim. In the years since then the two had started to understand each other. Now they were friends. It happened slowly, almost imperceptibly, but it happened. Because of this Len could hear the pain in his friend’s voice.

Vulcan’s weren’t supposed to show emotions. The past couple of days threw that out the window. Len had learned to read Spock. Until now it was subtle changes in his eyes or the tone of his voice. Now there was little to no subtlety between them. “It’s alright Spock. If I can’t do this, they need you.” He half smirked. “It is the logical choice.”

A ghost of a smirk quickly passed over the Commander’s lips. Only Jim or Len would have noticed it. “Thank you, doctor. Sometimes logic is not enough.”

“I won’t tell your father you said that.”

“Please do not tell anyone. Nyota knows, but Leonard…”

“I understand Spock. If it helps, I think you are the best choice. I don’t know if I can go back, not if Jim doesn’t come through this.”

“I understand. It would be hard to serve under another captain.” Spock knew Len didn’t like taking his orders. It would be worse if he was his commanding officer.

“No. Fuck.” Len stood up and started to pace. “I don’t… it’s not you Spock. It’s me. I’m trying to hold this together; I’m trying to hold together. If this doesn’t work, I don’t know if I can do it.”

“I know I have said some things in the past, but I have always admired your scientific abilities. Doctor, if you cannot make this work, I believe there is no one who can.”

“Thank you, Spock. I won’t make any decisions without talking to you first.” Neither man could see the future; could see how future events could bring them even closer than they were at that moment. “Go get some sleep. Nothing will change for at least a day. Mama will want us all to have a good dinner.”

With that Jo came walking through the door. “Uncle Spock!” She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek.

“Hello Joanna. Have you been to see your uncle?” Spock not only came to expect her hugs and kisses, he enjoyed them; though he would never admit it. His mother would have loved the little girl.

“Yes. I told him all about the new foals. When he is better, he and I can go riding again. I also told him about the ballet I’m in next month. It’s my first year en pointe and if he is better, he can come. Will you come?”

“Yes, I would be honored.” She kissed his cheek again.

No matter how happy she seemed, Len could tell his baby had been crying. She wanted them to see her as strong, and for now he would give that to her. “Baby, why don’t you go back with Uncle Spock. I have a few things to do, and grandma is going to want you cleaned up before dinner.”

“Alright Daddy. When will you be home?”

“I have some work that I need to do, then I’ll come.” Spock stood to leave, as Len came to his little girl. “I love you Turtle, never forget that.” With that he kissed her forehead and left his office with them directly behind. The duo went to the elevator as the doctor went to the captain’s room.

He hadn’t had much time alone with Jim. The alone time had only been a few minutes here and there. Usually there was someone else with him, an assistant, a nurse, another doctor. “Door locked authorization code McCoy2566alpha.”

“Authorization accepted. Door locked.” The computer’s voice wasn’t as pleasant as the one on the Enterprise. This one had more of a nasal tone to it.

The rain beat on the windows. Len was glad Jim’s windows looked over the untouched green. He could see the orange bridge and if he looked through the trees, he could see the bungalows. The lights were on only in one. It meant Mama and George had invited everyone over for a big family dinner. Kat, Jaz, Owen, and Rory would all be there by now. Sarah would have Jake making sure the table would fit everyone. Knowing her she had the men take the dining table from the other bungalow to make this dinner special. He couldn’t face them. He couldn’t face the noise, but more than that he couldn’t face the stares. Maybe the stares were only in this mind. But it didn’t matter to him they were there; reaching, mocking.

Long fingers traced the droplets as they trailed their way down the icy glass. “The rain looks cold. You used to tell me that during the winter rains on the farm. I remember you said it should snow at Christmas not rain. When I reminded you, we were in Georgia you told me ‘at least the rain looks cold’. Then the next day you rented a snow machine and gave us a white Christmas.”

Len turned his attention away from the window. He walked to the tube, checked the readings on its panel then looked inside. “You know I understand why you did what you did. God, I just wish there was another way. Jim, I’m scared. I’m not ready. I know you would tell me I can do this, but I don’t know if I can.” Jim looked peaceful; the opposite of what McCoy was feeling. “You used to joke that you would die before me. I was hoping we would test that theory when we were old men.”

His hand ran over the cryotube window. The times Jim was hurt Len would run his fingers through the kid’s hair. That usually relaxed Jim enough to get him to fall asleep. He wished he could do that now. “The serum should be ready tomorrow late in the day. I won’t leave you once I administer it. I’ll start bringing you out of stasis as soon as it is circulating. I won’t take you out too fast, but as soon as I can I’ll get you out of this thing.”

He went back to look out the window, again placing his hands on the cold glass. The rain pounded harder against the pane. Lightning struck; the kind of lightning that a person would swear worked like an x-ray. If he didn’t know better, Len would have sworn he could see the bones in his hands. “I told Jo she couldn’t be here once you were put on life support. I know you wouldn’t want her to see you like that. I’ll let her come here tomorrow. I know she wants to be with you. One day, maybe she’ll know how much she owes you. I owe you…everything. Jimmy, I promise I will do my best to be the man you have always thought I was. I’ll get you through this. Then we’ll all go home.”

There was a knock at the door. Len went to the door. He didn’t want anyone he didn’t know in the room. “Unlock door authorization McCoy2566alpha.”

“Authorization code accepted. Door unlocked.” He needed to have that voice reprogramed.

The door opened to Rory holding a plate of Mama’s chicken and dumplings. “You need to eat, and Aunt Lena insisted I take you food. She is coming over in a couple of hours. She said something about you not taking care of yourself.”

Len looked the man over. He had that look he got when he was fixated on doing something. There was no point in arguing with him when he looked like that. “Come with me.” They walked to the doctor’s office. Both men sat at the desk. “Roar, I don’t know if this will work. The tribble, I only injected platelets into the tribble. This is different. I pulled the platelets out, put them into a base serum and injected them into Chuckles. This is different, I added proportions of red and white blood cells to the platelets before combining them with the base serum. I hope I got it right.”

“You need to stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Being Lenny. Now it’s time to eat. You can worry later.” Len smiled. Rory could always cut to the heart of the most pertinent issue at hand. Right now, that issue was the doctor did not have enough fuel to keep going.

“Then what? I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“You won’t be leaving him alone. I’m here, then Aunt Lena, then Jaz, then Sarah, then Jake, then George, then Owen, then… you get the idea. Kat revised the schedule. The family has this all taken care of; that’s why we’re here.”

“Is that the only reason?”

“You know it isn’t. We all do better when we’re together. Your fiancé knows that better than you do.”

“No, I just hate to ask.”

“Because David would have told you that you weren’t good enough to do things. I remember the asshole.”

“I guess. Cuz, this is not like anything I’ve done before.”

“Kinda like when you joined Starfleet. But I guess that didn’t work out. If you try really hard you may make CMO on the Auckland or maybe even the Bradbury.”

“Smartass. How long are you here?”

“As long as you need me.” Rory wished his cousin’s smile wasn’t morose. He missed the days when they were kids grabbing frogs and snakes at the creek on the Perettis’ farm, throwing Tucker into the pond before jumping on horses and riding to town. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks, and this is after sleep and a shower.”

“That’s great. Why don’t you finish dinner? I’m sure you don’t need the circus that is dinner. They should be cleaned up soon. Sarah has it all under control. It should be safe to leave after you eat. I’m sure it will be a lot calmer by then.”

Len picked at the plate. Usually this was one of his favorite meals, but now he could barely taste it. “I don’t want them to stare.”

“What?”

“Stare, I can’t handle the stares.” He stabbed at one of the dumplings.

“Do you think I am starting at you?”

“No. They want me to have all the answers. They expect me to fix this.”

“Do they? Or do you?”

“A little of both.” Len concentrated on the food. He didn’t want to look up at Rory.

“I think expect is the wrong word. I think you’re still exhausted. Go back, say hello to everyone, then crawl under the covers with that stunning fiancé of yours and lose yourself before getting some sleep. I may not be a smart as you.”

That made Len look up. “Don’t ever say that. You are as smart as me, smarter sometimes.”

“I don’t agree.” McCoy narrowed his eyes as he continued to stare at his younger cousin. “Alright, be that as it may, I do know this. You need to take some time for yourself, before the ride begins. You have no idea how long things might take and you could be going for weeks.”

“You’re right. See, I told you, you were smart.” Len hated it when Rory put himself down. “I’ll go as soon as I’m done. Promise me you won’t leave him alone.”

“I won’t.” Len finished dinner and walked with Rory to the door. “You will need this.” Rory handed him the raincoat he had been wearing.

“I’ll send it back with Mama. If I haven’t told you, I really do love you, asshole.”

The two men hugged. “I love you too, but don’t tell anyone.” They left the room Roar headed to Jim’s room. Len watched as he showed his I.D. to the guards before being let in. The lift arrived shortly after the button was pushed.

Cold, stinging rain beat on him as he walked slowly across the campus. Thank God Rory had given him the rain coat. The lightning had stopped, but the winds had picked up. By the time he arrived at the bungalow he was soaked from the waist down. The front door opened to a peaceful scene of the entire family enjoying each other. George made his way over. He held his son as Len let the days tension fall on his “father” in the form of silent tears.


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All italicized words are telepathic communications.

Thunder cracked as Len clung to George. The storm had picked up again. Jo stood to go to her father, but Pavel’s hand on hers stopped the young girl. She sat back down and tried to concentrate on the chess game. “It is alright Jo. Your dad is going to be alright.”

This wasn’t the first time she had seen her father cry. Though it had been years since that day in the graveyard. She knew he didn’t like her to see him that way. “I don’t understand grown-ups.”

“Neither do I sometimes.” His smile all but forced her to return one for him. “You will when you are older. Knight to queen’s level four.” Her attention was completely drawn back to the game she was ten moves away from losing. Pavel’s eyes followed hers as she studied the game, running through every possible scenario in her mind. This was much better than the games they played over the video comm. Somehow sitting across from the young girl made him feel the love of a brother for his little sister. He loved teaching her and watching her grow with the knowledge she acquired.

Joce, Seri, and Cal joined Sarah, Lena, Nyota, and Jake in the kitchen. There wasn’t much left to be put away, but it helped give the two men some privacy. Owen got Spock, Ben, Scotty and Hikaru to help him move the heavy table back to the crew bungalow. Kat and Jaz were already there looking for extra towels and putting Demora down for the night. They all knew Len needed his father. Jake motioned for everyone to follow him. Joce picked up Crystal then joined the other ladies as they followed and Jo fell in behind Pavel. Jake had looked at Len, it would be better if they left the building. It was the only way the doctor wouldn’t feel self-conscious once he calmed.

George watched the group as they quietly walked out the door. Len hadn’t noticed, lost in his fear and self-doubt. It took a little while before he gathered himself and was able to let go. He looked around the empty house. “Dad, where is everyone?” The doctor took a step back as he frantically tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks.

“They are giving us some time. Jake knows you don’t like an audience. Want to tell me what’s going on?”

“I…I don’t know. Jim is still in stasis. The serum is being produced. It will be ready tomorrow. Everyone is here. I got to spend time with Jo. I got some sleep.”

“Did you?”

“Some, a few hours.”

“A few hours of rest after two days of fear and physical exertion? Doesn’t seem like enough to me. But then, I’m not a doctor.” He tried to keep his voice light. Inside part of him was dying watching his boy giving into the fears that had haunted him all his life.

“I guess it isn’t. Kahn, he manipulated everything. He took everything.”

“Did he?”

“He took a part of me.”

“He could only take what you allowed him to take.”

George led Len to the couch. “I don’t want him to have anything.”

“Then don’t give in.” Len leaned his head back to rest on the pillows along the back of the couch. “You need a good night’s sleep. We can talk after that. Son, I don’t think you are capable of rational thought right now.”

“You’re probably right. Thank you for coming.”

“You never have to thank me. Did you think I wouldn’t come?”

“No, you would have come even if Starfleet said you couldn’t.” Len had passed exhausted. George was right, he needed real sleep. “How long are you staying?”

“As long as you need me here.”

“Until we head home?”

“If you want.”

“Please, Dad, please stay.”

It was all George could do to hold back the tears. He hurt for his boy. “I promise I’m not going anywhere. Let’s get you back to your room.”

Len groaned as he stood. All of his muscles were stiffening. Getting thrown around the medbay had done more damage than he had realized. Now that he was older, injuries always hurt more the next day. “Maybe a long hot shower first?”

“Might not be a bad idea.” George joined Len on his walk to the other bungalow. The rain had slowed leaving the men only a little wet as they entered through the front door. “Lena, let’s go back. We need rest.”

Mama looked around at her family. Kat and Jaz had put Demora to bed before they got more towels. Joce had put Crystal down for the night and Sarah and Jake were resting. The rest of the gang were hugging and heading back to the other bungalow or to their rooms. “Alright Sweetie. I need to go to relieve Rory in another couple of hours. Lenny, you come get me if you need me. I don’t care where I am or what time it is.”

Without a word Len wrapped his mother in his arms. He knew he would have to talk things out, but for now what he needed the most was rest. “Thank you, Mama. I will.”

“Goodnight Pumpkin.” She kissed her son on the cheek as they parted. Her attention turned to Pavel and Jo. “How many of those games do you have?”

Pavel looked up from the traditional chess board. “Only two Mama. This one and the 3D one.”

Kat joined Lena. “Alright, but you need to get some rest. I don’t want the two of you up all night.”

It was now Jo’s turn. “Yes, Aunt Kat. I promise to send him back soon.”

Kat kissed her on the top of the head before she left with Jaz for the family quarters. Seri looked at Len. _“Give her a kiss good night then come to bed.”_

_“You’re taking charge.”_

_“For now.”_

_“I’ll be in Imzadi.”_ Len broke his connection with Seri, closing the mental door to his despair. “Jo, another hour then bed.” He kissed her on the head before looking at Sarah and Jake. They were grabbing a throw before leaving. “Good night.”

Sarah walked over and hugged Len. “Goodnight Lenny. Love you.”

“I love you too sis.” Jake joined them. “Thank you, thank you both for coming.”

Jake captured Len with his eyes. “You never have to thank us for that. Love you brother.”

“Love you too.” Sarah headed for the door as the men hugged.

Len closed the bedroom door behind him. The shower was running and Seri had left the bathroom door open. Steam poured into the room like a morning mist over the pecan grave back home. He peeled off his clothes, dropping them into a pile before joining his fiancé in the shower. “Hey you.”

“Come to me.” She had been waiting for him. Len needed her to take care of him, if only for that night. “Let me warm you up.”

His eyes were slowly turning green. “I could use it. My legs are freezing.”

Seri put some soap on the wet washcloth. She knelt on the floor of the shower as Len’s body blocked the spray from hitting her. Gently she thoroughly washed his legs and feet. More than cleaning or warming, her touch was meant to calm. When she looked up his head had tilted slightly back until closed eyes looked at the ceiling. The washcloth was discarded. Slowly her hands glided their way up his inner thighs until they came to rest under his balls. She could feel him relax under her touch. “What do you want. Tell me and I’ll make it happen.”

His hands reached down to help her to her feet. “I don’t know what I want. Seri the next week is going to be…I don’t know what it’s going to be.” He looked into her black eyes. He needed answers, answers he didn’t have.

Her hands softly traced the lines that seemed to have permanently etched themselves between his eyes. “I think what you need is a good night’s sleep.”

Len’s arms encircled her waist. He pulled her close until her head rested on his chest. Even before they were a couple, she would cuddle next to him on the couch or in his bed. She did it when he had a particularly bad day at the clinic. The night he had lost a four-year-old little girl he had come back to the dorm waiting to see the child’s face in the dark room. The E.D. chief had called her to let her know what had happened; Seri was waiting for him on the couch. He didn’t want to talk, but he didn’t want to be alone either. That night she fell asleep on his chest. That night he realized her presence was the calming influence he had been reaching for his entire life. “You’re right. You don’t have to go to the hospital tonight, do you?”

“No, Kat pulled me out of the rotation until later tomorrow. I think she wants me there when you use the serum.”

“Not a bad idea. Come on Imzadi, lets go to bed.” Len turned off the water as Seri got out and grabbed both bath sheets. They toweled off before making their way back into the bedroom and climbing into bed.

Seri slid over until her arm draped over Len’s chest. She could feel him looking at the ceiling, but his thoughts were coming too fast for her to follow, and too many for him to get to sleep. He was trying to control his anxiety, but failing. “Do you want to talk?”

“Fuck no.” He started to play with her hair. It wasn’t long before his fingers tangled themselves in her waves. Seri found herself pulled into a deep kiss. He needed to lose himself in her. He needed to lose the fear and doubt. She entered his soul as he rolled her under him. “God yes.” His voice was low and dark in her ear as he buried his face in her neck.

This time there would be no foreplay. He entered her soul as he entered her body. Seri enveloped him in the feeling of unconditional love. Sex was secondary to the love. She could feel him start to let go. It was helping; he was allowing himself to become lost in her. She was hurt and scared, but she didn’t have the level of fear that consumed her lover. There would be time to deal with her feelings later, now was about him.

Len lost himself in the rhythm. The rhythm took away everything negative, all that had happened in the past couple of days. Her smell called to him, the smell of peach trees, and spring breezes. He buried his face deeper into her neck. “I love you Imzadi. No matter what I will always love you.” With the sound of her voice still in his ear, his movements became more disjointed. It wasn’t long before he came, lost in her adoration, hidden from his doubt.

“I’m sorry Peaches.” Slowly he rolled off her.

“Why? I wanted it to be all about you.” He was on his back staring at the ceiling. “How are you feeling?”

He knew she wanted to take care of him. It was one of the things Seri loved, to feel needed. “Better, tired.”

“Lights off.” Len’s breathing seemed louder in the dark. She threw her arm over her fiancé, using his chest as a pillow. “Good night Len.”

He buried his nose in her hair. “Good night Peaches. Thank you. Damn I love you.” He hugged her to him.

“I love you too.” She kissed his chest. “Please try to get some sleep.” Len relaxed his grip as he started to drift off to the feel of her breath against his chest. For now, he was safe, even from himself.


	8. chapter 8

The morning sun streamed through Len and Seri’s window. He needed to get to the hospital, but the sheets felt soft, and he could smell the bacon and coffee coming from the kitchen. Joce must be up. Seri was in the shower; he could hear her singing and the water running. If he didn’t have to pee, he could have laid there for another hour. Steam poured out as he opened the bathroom door. “Good morning Peaches.”

“Good morning Imzadi. Want to join me?”

Len finished going to the bathroom, then moved over to brush his teeth. “Give me a minute baby.” After he finished, he jumped in with her. “Let me get that for you.” He took the washcloth and started to gently clean his fiancé. He could feel her, the mental exhaustion and fear. She was pushing it down, but he could still feel it. She needed to take some time for herself. She needed to lean on him. He had enough rest and could handle it now.

McCoy stood up until he towered over her. Every inch of her was clean, now was the time to get her to feel. “We should go. Len, I know you want to get to the hospital.”

“Not yet.” She was afraid. She was afraid to lose control. That was an emotion with which the doctor was intimately acquainted. “Come to me.” He held her in his arms. The walls were starting to crumble, but there was still enough of them there to hold back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm the counselor. “What are you feeling?”

Seri pushed away from him. Without a word she left the shower, grabbed a towel and started to dry. Len shook his head as he turned off the water, grabbed a towel, and followed her. She always got like this when she had to confront her own emotional problems. Counselors really made the worst patients. He wasn’t about to let her. If she didn’t open up now it would only get worse. She was getting clothes out of the luggage when he came up behind her. “I’m fine.”

He took her by the shoulders and turned her around. “Don’t lie to me, and don’t lie to yourself. Baby, I can feel you. I can handle this; I want to handle this. You always said we are a team.”

“Len, please. I don’t…”

“Want to feel. I get that. But you do, and not letting it out is not healthy.”

She started to shake. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. Tell me how you feel. Talk to me.”

“How I feel doesn’t matter.”

He put his fingers under her chin forcing her to look into his eyes. “It does to me. I always matters to me. Talk to me Seriana.”

Without warning her legs went out from under her. Len managed to grab her before she hit the floor. Slowly he lowered them to the floor. They sat on the floor as he rocked her in his arms. The door to the bedroom slowly opened. Joce looked in, saw them, closed the door. He kissed the top of Seri’s head. She didn’t need him to talk, she needed him to hold her and keep her from falling too far down the hole of fear.

Her sobs went on for at least five minutes before she started to calm. “I’m sorry, you don’t need this.”

“I do; we do. Lean on me and I promise to lean on you. Talk to me.”

“I want him back. I’m not ready to say goodbye. I was unconscious when he died, but I still could feel it. Not like you did, but I felt the absence of him. I can’t do anything to help him. I am completely useless. He is my brother and I will always love him, but I can’t help. You can try, what can I try? He gave me everything and I can’t…I can’t…” She was slowing in her rant.

To McCoy the rant told him enough. He now knew exactly where her head was, what she had been hiding from him. “You can. When I bring him out of stasis, I want you to try to reach him. I need to know if he is still there. You can do that. You can help.” He loosened his grip on her.

She shifted until she sat in his lap. Her head rested on his shoulder. “Thank you.” She wanted to be closer to him, needed him to take away what was left of the pain.

“Come with me.” They both stood as he led her to the bed. She laid on his arm, skin to skin. She felt safe there, loved, needed. His fingers flitted up and down her spine as she threw her arm over his chest. Jim need him, but not at that moment. “We can stay here as long as you want.”

“Forever?”

“Maybe not that long.” He laughed at her. She picked up the ability to joke at worst of times from Jim. It was a talent Len wished he could master. “Why don’t we do this? We can go check on Jim then go to the coffee shop. After that come back here and…”

“Make love. I want to make love before the serum is done. After that we won’t have time together, and Len I do need to have our time before all hell breaks loose.”

“So, do I. Don’t ever think you aren’t helping. You help me.”

“Thank you for that. I’m just scared.”

“I know baby; we both are.”

The couple got up, dressed then joined Joce in the kitchen. Len took a seat at the counter while Seri went to the fridge for juice. Joce leaned across the counter to Len. “Is she okay?”

“No, none of us are.” Joce’s eyes looked more concerned than usual. “She’ll be okay. Thank you for everything. Seriously sweetie, I am glad you’re here.”

“Nothing could have stopped me, not even you.” He kissed her forehead before grabbing a couple of bacon pieces. “You’re having some fruit too. There is no way you are only eating bacon.”

Seri had walked over giving Joce a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be alright sis. I promise.” Joce looked at her. “I felt you come into the room. Not my finest moment.”

“I had one a lot like it, so did Evan. Jo needed to be here, so did I.”

Len took a banana from the basket. “I know. I’ll talk to Evan tonight after I give the serum. He’ll want to know what is going on.”

Joce watched her ex. He was studying the banana like it was an open wound. “You could call him now.”

“You should Imzadi. I’ll get something to eat then check in with my dad. There’s a PADD in our room. You could meet me at the family bungalow.”

Len raised his eyes to meet hers. She was right, he needed to talk to Evan. Without a word he got up, left the two ladies and entered the bedroom. The door closed to the Starfleet world. He took the PADD from the nightstand. Hopefully, Evan would be near his. He punched in the code. In less than a second Evan’s face filled the screen.

Seri sat across from Joce. “Hope he takes his time.”

“Len needs Evan. Hell Evan needs him just as much. He wanted to be here, but he knew Len needed him to take care of the farm and corporation more.”

“I know. That trip to your parents really brought the twin terrors together.”

Joce giggled. “I love that name for them. With Jim they are even worse. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. Joce, I have to remember we haven’t lost him yet. I won’t bury him before I have to.”

“I just thought with what just happened…”

“I know. I am trying to not lose hope. I’ll know more when he is out of deep sedation.”

“How?”

“I’m going to talk to dad, but I thought he and I can try to reach him mentally. Dad’s a strong telepath, if anyone can breakthrough, it’s him.”

“Let me put away the bacon.” After Joce put the food away and Seri cleaned up they went to meet the family.

Most of the gang was in the living room and on the front porch. Ben and Hikaru had taken Crystal and Demora with them when they left in the morning. They had said something about going toward the bridge to a playground on the hill near it. It was good for the girls to have some fun. Plus, with most of their belongings in both bungalows the men needed a break.

Jaz was talking to George when the ladies walked into the kitchen. Seri kissed each one on the cheek. She pulled her father away from his friend. “That was rude little one.”

“Sorry. Uncle George, sorry.”

“No problem baby. Jaz, I’ll meet you when your done. We need to go over the Tuvan case.”

Jaz pulled Seri out the back door. “It’s nice here. I feel bad thinking that.”

“Don’t dad, it is nice. Don’t go to the other side of medical. I was thinking.”

“That’s usually dangerous.”

“Dad!” He smiled at his youngest. “When Len backs off the sedation, do you think we might be able to reach Jim?”

“We can try. I don’t think we will be able to communicate with him. Is that what you wanted?”

“It would be nice, but I didn’t think we would be able to do that. I just want to be able to tell if he still exists.”

Jaz could feel his daughter’s fear even if her face didn’t betray it. “We can start as soon as Len reduces the sedation. As long as he is in deep sedation, we won’t be able to feel anything.”

“Len said the serum will be ready tonight. When are you sitting with him?”

“This afternoon. Kat and Lena want you there when he starts the treatment. Baby, I’m very proud of you. I love you Seriana.” He kissed her lightly on the forehead.

Seri hugged her father around the waist. He pulled her to him, resting his chin on the top of her head. “I love you too daddy. I’m so glad you’re here. How’s your room?”

“Kat and I are very comfortable.” She leaned back to look up at him. “You had to know. It isn’t all the time, but we do spend some nights together.”

“I did. I didn’t need to be a telepath for that. But I thought I should at least pretend to be surprised. I don’t know how I would get through this without you.”

“Trust me little one, I would never have let that happen. I heard Len come in.”

Seri hugged her dad again before letting go. “I love you dad.” They walked into the group loading boxes into on the front porch. “Nyota?”

“Mama had a cargo container sent. We are putting all of Ben and Hikaru’s things in there. They got most of their stuff from what’s left of their place. Scotty, Spock, and Pavel are seeing what’s left of their apartments. If there is anything salvageable, they are going to put it in the container as well. Jo’s having fun making it all fit. Len’s here. Seri, he looks beat up.”

“He was talking to Evan. They must have had a real talk. He’s been blocking me. I’ve got him.”

“We all have each other.”

“We definitely do. You look tired.”

“As long as I’m working, even if it just in the bungalows, I can get through this. Do you think Len would mind if Spock and I came back with you to the farm? Mama said we should come, but I don’t want to make Len uncomfortable.”

“I assumed we would all go back to the farm. I think Len is taking that for granted. I know you want the blue room.”

“It doesn’t matter. I can’t go home, and I don’t want to go to new Vulcan, neither does Spock.”

“Stay with family. And as far as we all are concerned the farm is your home. I heard what happened with you and your brother after graduation.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters. It matters to us. It is funny isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Life, the randomness of it all. If Jim hadn’t gotten drunk at that bar, he wouldn’t have met you.”

“I couldn’t stand him.”

“Then he showed you the real Jim.”

“Yes, yes he did.” Tears had begun to streak the beautiful woman’s cheeks. “I don’t want this to be the end.”

“None of us do. Just remember it isn’t until there is no hope left. Right now, we need to remind ourselves that he isn’t gone. That there is still a chance to save him.”

“Thank you for that. You should go to Len.” She wiped the tears from her face.

“Okay, but if you need me, just call.”

“I will.”

Seri walked over to Len. “You look like hell.”

“It was a hard conversation. But I needed to have it. We should get to the hospital.”

“Go throw some water on your face first.”

“I look that bad?”

“Sorry, but you do.”

He walked back to the bathroom at the back of the hall. Seri was right. His eyes were red, and his face swollen. There was an unused washcloth on the counter. He let the cold water run until it felt like it had been refrigerated. Gently he placed the cloth over his eyes. It would take a while, but he needed to get the swelling down before they went to the hospital. The staff couldn’t see him as anything other than strong and in charge.

He didn’t think the conversation with Evan would take the turn it did, but he was glad it had. At first, they talked about what was going on at the farm. The Perettis were thinking about selling their farm, but Len wasn’t sure he wanted to buy. It would require a lot of work to make it useful again. The ground would need to be checked before they could think of planting. Then the conversation shifted.

Len continued to apply the compress as he reran the conversation over in his mind. “Ev, can I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Do you think I…am I good enough. I don’t know if I can do this.”

“I don’t know if you can either. But I also know you are Jim’s best chance.”

“I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“With respect to what?”

“Jim, I put the formula in. I just don’t know if it is right.”

“Len, what don’t you know about it?”

“If I got the formula right.”

“Was there anything to base your calculations on?”

“What I did with the tribble, but I changed it, I drastically changed it.”

“Made it more suitable for a more complex organism?”

“Yes.” His voice was a whisper.

“Then you have to wait. Tell me what you really scares you. You’re terrified, I can see it. Talk to me.”

“I…I don’t want to lose him. Fuck Ev, I’ not ready. I can’t… I can’t…not him, not you.” The tears had started.

Evan wanted to climb through the PADD to be there with Len. He didn’t want him to be alone. Len had everyone around him, but at times Evan knew he still felt completely alone. This was exactly what he and George had discussed on the front steps. “You haven’t lost me. Look at me. LEN!”

McCoy looked up. He didn’t realize he had been looking at his lap for the last five minutes, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’m listening.”

“I’m there; as soon as Tuck gets to the farm I’ll leave. Jim isn’t gone. You haven’t lost him. If that happens, we will get through it together.”

“I just…” The crying was more violent, Evan had never felt more helpless. “I don’t know what to do.”

It was all the other man could do to keep himself from crying. “Right now, you go through the day. The serum will be ready later today. Then you will know. Take the rest of the day to do what you would normally do.”

“Seri wants to take some time for us.”

“I agree with her. Things will be clearer once you take some time to decompress. Isn’t that what you usually tell me?”

Len chuckled through the tears. “Sounds like me. I’m just, scared.”

“I know. I love you, and I am here any time you need me. I am keeping the PADD with me. Len…”

“Yeah?”

“You aren’t the only one who’s scared. I’m terrified. Don’t think you are alone in this. You aren’t.”

Through the remnants of his tears Len could see the fear in Evan’s eyes. “I know. I also know they are all trying to make everything seem as normal as possible for Spock and me.”

“Not just you two. We are all moving through this play. If we pretend things are normal one day they will be.”

“Are you sure?” He continued to wipe the tears from his eyes. The more they came, the harder he drug the back of his hand across them. It was as if the pain from pushing his knuckles into his eyelids would stop the flow of tears. 

“Normal is relative, isn’t that what Spock says?” Evan chanced a small smile.

“He does, he does. I’ll call you again tonight, let you know how the serum infusion went.”

  
“Thanks. How is Jo?” Evan looked every inch the concerned father. Len thanked God every day that the man was helping raise his very head strong daughter.

“She is scared. She’s seen him.”

“Were you with her?”

“Yes. Then she wanted me to leave her. I think she doesn’t want me to see how upset she is.”

“She’s a lot like you.”

“And you…and Jim.”

“That last one has been a challenge.”

“I bet.” The tears had stopped. “We are all keeping an eye on her. Pavel has her playing two chess games. It is keeping both of their minds occupied.”

“Mama said there is at least one cargo container coming to the farm, there may be more than one according to her.”

“I guess. Not sure what they are doing. I guess it has to do with storing the things everyone can salvage from their places.”

“Ben and Hikaru live there, don’t they?”

“Yes, so do Scotty, Pavel, Spock, and Nyota.”

“And Cal.”

“Her place was completely destroyed. I think Scotty’s might be also.”

“They lived in the same building, didn’t they?”

“No, they lived in buildings that were next to each other. I’ll see if anyone is coming to the farm. Except for the family, I’ m pretty sure Nyota and Spock will want to.”

“Sarah will take care of it if I know her.”

“She will. She is amazing. Ev…”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you. You are helping trust me.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Thanks. I have to go. I need to get to the hospital.”

“Talk to you tonight.” With that the screens went dark.

Len threw a little more, cold water on his face. The eye swelling had gone down, and his face wasn’t as puffy. After drying he met Seri in the living room. “We should get going. Where’s Mama?”

“Outside with the gang. They are loading the cargo container. Jo is organizing everything to get as much to fit in the one container as possible. The rest of the things will be here later and she is hoping she can fit it all in the one. It’s keeping them all busy.”

“We should get to the hospital.” They left the house. Len gave his worried mother a quick kiss before finding Jo. “Hey Turtle, Aunt Seri and I are going to the hospital.”

“Uncle Scotty is taking me there later. He said I can stay with him during his rotation.”

“Alright, but if you want to leave just call one of us.”

“Okay Daddy.” She stretched up on her toes to give her father a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing another box.

Len took Seri’s hand as he led her to the hospital. They went to the room without stopping in Len’s office. Owen was seated in the chair looking at his PADD while Carol looked over the tube and Christine poured over the PADD with the serum calculations. “Chris, can I talk to you?”

“Sure Len.” They walked to the other side of the room out of everyone’s earshot. “I know you are stationed out in the outer colonies. I also know you’re only here for training. I wanted to thank you for diving in yesterday.”

“You don’t have to thank me. What else is on your mind?”

“Ummm, if I go back to the Enterprise, would you consider taking over the position of head nurse.”

“Did another one quit?”

“No, he was killed.”

“God, I’m so sorry.”

“You couldn’t have known. I know Jim hurt you but…”  
  


“He didn’t, not really. I hurt me. I have had a lot of time to think about what happened. He promised me nothing. It was a fun time. I wanted more. He didn’t.”

“Would you consider it?”

“If you go back, yes. Other than that, no. I don’t want to train another CMO.”

Len gave her a hug. Chapel smiled sadly at him before leaving the room. “Hey Owen, don’t get up. We just came to take a look and see how far along the serum has come.” Len picked up the PADD Christine had left. Everything was on schedule; it would be ready right after dinner. “Come on Peaches, lets grab some coffee. I have a feeling it’s going to be a very long night.”

With that the two doctors left the room. They quickly left the building and began the walk to their coffee shop. It was going to be a very long night.


	9. chapter 9

The rain was coming down softly on the grass. Len wasn’t letting go of his fiancé’s hand. He needed her strength as much as she needed his. The smell of structure fires still lingered, but now they mixed with the salted sea air of the bay. People milled about the common seemingly waiting for instructions as to what they were expected to do. Some of the people stared at the couple, obviously recognizing the two doctors. Neither of them acknowledged any of the looks. They wanted nothing more than to hide in the back of their coffee shop while blocking out the world.

McCoy opened the door as Seri stepped though under the ringing shop bell. One of the kids came out, he quickly told the couple that Leala was at the hospital making sure everyone had their caffeine. Seri motioned for Len to go to their table as she ordered the drinks. She arrived at the table with Len’s coffee and her jasmine tea. “Don’t worry Imzadi, its coffee flavored coffee.” She sat a cross from him. The same hazel eyes from that first day looked at her through the steam that floated out of the cup. They were not they eyes that looked at her in bed, or even the ones that looked at her across the office desk. These were haunted, tired, exactly how they looked the first time she saw them. “What are you thinking baby?”

“Evan said I should relax until tonight. I broke down with him on the PADD. I didn’t want to do that to him, I just couldn’t help it. We started talking and I just opened up about all of it.”

“How did you feel when it was him, when he leaned on you?”

“That was different. His brother was dead. And his parents, they were cunts.”

“There’s a word I don’t here from you too often.”

“I know. Where I was brought up it’s not used in polite company.” He had a smirk on his face.

“But did it bother you when he lost control?” Her black eyes continued to study him, but she kept her mind closed. Seri wanted Len to feel that he had some privacy in all of this.

“Only when he took a swing at me.” He chuckled at the memory. “Those self defense classes came in handy.” She still looked serious. “No, I didn’t. I wanted him to lean on me.”

“To tell you things he didn’t want anyone to know?”

“Yeah.” He took another sip. “I know he understands, the same way you do.”

“But it is nice to have someone other than your fiancé to talk to.”

The smile on his face reached his eyes for the first time in days. “Especially when we talk about the women in our lives.”

Seri loved when he joked like this. “Don’t worry, Joce and I talk a lot.”

“Great.” He finished his coffee as she continued to sip on her tea. “I needed that talk today. Tucker will get there as soon as he can. He should be at the farm when we arrive.”

“I’ll talk to Meg, let her know what to expect, once we know more.”

“About that. I’ll start the infusion as soon as we get the call. You’ll be there?”

“You couldn’t keep me away. They set it up so I would be there with you. I think Sarah is there now. I know the gang is spending the day at the family bungalow. They need to be close to each other.”

“And they are giving us our space. I’m glad Jo will be with Scotty at the hospital. He’ll keep an eye on her.”

“She wants to be with all of them, but she really wants to be with Jim. She’s scared.”

“I know. I’m doing my best with her, but she knows I sacred.”

“Imzadi, there is nothing wrong with her knowing that, as long as she knows we are all here. She’ll be alright.”

“I know, intellectually I know, but she is my baby.”

“And she always will be.”

The boy who waited on them brought two refills to the table. “Ms. Grandy said I was to make sure you always had refills if you came in Dr. McCoy. Here you go Dr. Targan.”

Seri smiled up at the young man. “Thank you, and thank Leala when you see her. Tell her I’ll be by before we leave.”

He smiled as the boy walked away. “I guess it was too much to hope that we wouldn’t be recognized.”

“We gave up that luxury years ago. I’m glad he put these in travel cups. Shall we go back to the house?”

“Yeah. I don’t want to be near people.” Her eyes grew a little wide. “I didn’t mean you smartass. Let’s go. If I know Sarah there is food in the fridge waiting for us.”

“I’m sure Joce told her you didn’t eat this morning.”

“Let’s go.” They waved to the boy and girl making gallons of coffee. Leala must have sent a message that they needed more.

The walk back to the bungalow was slowed by the people milling around the grounds. Civilians mostly, some wounded, but most looking lost. “They’ll need housing and food.”

“I’m sure Starfleet is taking care of that. Look over there.” He pointed to hover trucks coming in. They carried supplies for the people displaced by Kahn. “They’ll get them places to live after they are fed and the wounded taken to hospitals.” The wounded they saw had mostly superficial cuts and abrasions. Seri pulled Len along before he could start working on the injured. He needed to try to relax and there wasn’t anything any of them needed that a tech couldn’t fix.

The silence of the house was inviting. Seri took a deep breath as she walked through the door. In the past five years she had become used to Len always opening the door for her. Meghan had explained that is was a southern thing; a man holds the door open for a lady, or pulls out a chair. It wasn’t to show they were dominant, it was their job in a way, to take care of a lady. She noticed Jim starting to do it more and more until now he was every inch the southern gentleman. Len had pulled out the sandwiches Sarah had left. Her note made him smile as he read it over a couple of time. “What does it say?”

“These better be eaten when I come back. Don’t argue with me, you know I’ll win. Sarah.”

“I guess we better eat.” Seri started to sit at the counter.

“I have a better idea.” Len grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch. “Grab some drinks and I’ll get the sandwiches.” He grabbed the plate and walked back to their room.

Seri took the pitcher of fresh lemonade, grabbed two glasses and the bowl of strawberries before following her fiancé. “I thought these would come in handy.”

“Come in handy?”

“You’ll see.” Len had spread out the blanket. Seri locked the door to the hall before joining him. Both undressed. “Come here.”

“Don’t you want lunch?”

“I thought we could start with dessert. You always get the munchies after, so lunch would be perfect then.”

“I do get hungry.” With that he leaned forward, tangled his fingers in her hair and brought her in for a deep passionate kiss.

She maneuvered herself until she was sitting in his lap. Without his noticing she grabbed a strawberry and pulled out of the kiss. “Here you go thought you could use the sugar for energy.” She acted as if she was going to feed him then put it between her teeth.

Len groaned as he opened his mouth over hers. Devouring her as he devoured the fruit. Juice ran out of their mouths and down her breasts. It continued to run until it reached where her mound was pressed against his abdomen. In a single move he pushed her to the floor. “Is anyone in the house?”

“No, I don’t feel anyone.”

“Good.” He drug his tongue down the sticky trail left by the tart-sweet juice until he reached her folds. “Usually you taste like peaches. Now it’s strawberry. Spread your legs, I want to taste you.” The gruffness of his voice came from deep in his chest.

Her legs spread to reveal lips, pink, swollen, and alluringly glistening with her juices. Gently he spread them apart to reveal all of her. He was already hard and throbbing. Every undulation of her walls was felt in him. Each once cased his member to twitch. As much as he wanted to do this for her, he also wanted her. He knew she wanted what he did, to feel things. Soft and gentle wouldn’t do this time. This time he would take her. Take what he needed, but give her everything she craved. He blew on her, the breath landing cool against the wetness.

Seri began to writhe in anticipation. She needed him. She wanted to be pinned, marked. Suddenly his mouth engulfed her mound. He was eating her out as if he was starving, and only she could fill him. Her moans were loud enough to be heard throughout the house. She fucked his face as hard as he sucked on her. God, she tasted like summer fruit, sweet and fresh. His tongue plunged into her as she grabbed his hair, screaming his name.

Without warning he jammed himself into her up to the hilt. Her orgasm hadn’t finished and he could feel her walls as the milked him. Her eyes met his. “Harder.” With that his arm encircled her; pulling her to him, hard and controlling.

“Wrap your legs around me.” With that he lifted her, walked her to the far wall slamming her against it with all his might.

“Harder.”

As he slammed into her, he read what she wanted. His mouth went from her neck to her tit. There he pulled her skin between his teeth, sucking it to the rhythm of his thrusts. She was screaming as he caused her to cum again and again. “Scream for me.”

Screams punctuated her shoving harder onto his crotch. She pushed in perfect rhythm with him. Her hands that had been wrapped around his chest and under his arms dug into him; nails leaving deep scratch marks as she drug them across his back. His groans mixed with her screams as they marked each other. “God yes!”

“Harder, Seri, harder.” They pushed, marked, held tight as they both came. Their minds still holding tight even as their bodies came down. “Fuck!” His forehead leaned onto hers.”

“What?”

“I’m still hard. God, I need… I need…” With that he grabbed her, moving them both away from the wall. He didn’t pull out; he didn’t want to lose the connection. He needed to cum again. He felt desperate, as if he would explode. In a second, he had her under him on the bed.

“Hard Len. I need to cum again. Fuck me.” His hand reached between them. Her clit was swollen, his finger barely brushed it when he felt her walls begin to contract. Groans filled the room as he began to pound her into the bed. He had her other breast in his mouth, sucking her flesh through his teeth as he worked her clit and fucked her into oblivion. It was as if the flood gates had opened, she was screaming his name again as she flooded his hand and balls. She held him too her as her nails drug up his back from his hips to his shoulder blades.

With that pain, the pain he needed so desperately he came in her, filling her, screaming for her. She came again, locking her legs around him, not allowing him to pull out. She could feel his cum, feel his marks. That morning she had wanted this to be slow, but on the walk back to the house something in her had changed. Maybe it was her connection with him, but she needed this. She needed to feel the pain that came with being marked. It wasn’t too much, but it was enough to make her feel alive; the same way the scratch marks on his back reminded him that he was alive and not in some tube or in the ground.

They laid there, not moving. Len had buried his face in the crook of her neck as she ghosted her fingers up and down his back. Seri could feel Nyota come in with Joce. “Hey, Joce and Nyota are here.”

“Don’t worry, I locked the door. I think I need a very hot shower before I can’t move.”

“You take that, I’ll get the picnic together. We don’t have to leave the room.”

“Join me?”

“Alright. The picnic can wait.”

They took a long hot shower, letting the water relax all their muscles as they held each other tight. “God, I love you. I owe him you know that. Seri, I owe him my life.”

“So, do I. That was the best class. The professor sucked, but I had the best classmate.” She chuckled at the memories.

“Tell me I can do this.”

Seri leaned back. His eyes held the same doubt and questions they held the first time he took them to Emory. “There is no one else who can. You can do this.”

He kissed her deeply one last time before turning off the shower and grabbing the towels. Lunch was amazing. How Sarah managed to make the sandwiches taste so good was beyond Len. Seri knew they tasted better after sex, at least to her fiancé. They crawled into bed; the sheets still felt soft. The PADD was on Len’s nightstand awaiting a call stating the serum was completed. After that call came in, sleep would be a luxury he might not be able to enjoy for quite some time.

Nyota flopped on the couch. “So, when do you think they’ll be back with the girls?”

“I think it will be awhile. What’s going on?”

“I just realized that we don’t have a home. Spock commed, our place is gone. He managed to get a lot of our stuff out, but the structural damage is so severe they won’t let them in again.”

“How did they get in this time? I thought all of those buildings were blocked off.”

“Pavel is with them, so is Keenzer.”

“That is true. Those two can circumvent almost anything. How was Pavel’s place?”

“Almost the same. They are there now. The guys are filling the trucks they took from here. Mama ordered another container. They haven’t gotten to Scotty’s yet. Spock said people are wandering around looking for places to stay. It’s going to get bad.”

“I know. I heard someone say something about sealing the campus when I was going to medical.”

“The federation is sending more help. I hope it gets here soon. The people that aren’t affected are getting out there to help their neighbors, but it isn’t enough. Cal talked about maybe going to the civilian hospital, but I don’t think we will be able to help like she can.”

“Agreed. Nyota, you know you always have a home with us?” Joce wanted her to understand they were all family.

“I guess. It was just something I never thought about. We could stay at the farm, but we always had a place here.”

“You will again. For now, you have us. You know how Len feels.”

Nyota had a small smile on her face as she recalled some distant memory involving the doctor. “I do. When are you with Jim?”

“In a couple of hours. What about you?”

“I need to get dressed and head over. I’m staying until Scotty gets there.”

“You should grab Jo. Scotty told her she could be there with him, but she won’t want her time cut short. Len doesn’t want her to see him on life support.”

“Got it. Let me get ready.” It didn’t take her long before she was ready to leave. The women grabbed the milk from the refrigerator and left for the other house. Lena needed it for the biscuits.

Len and Seri were sound asleep when the PADD went off. Len startled awake. It was time. Silently both doctors dressed in their medical uniforms and walked across campus. Christine met them in the lobby. All three boarded the lift. No one had spoken. Blinding lights, and a nervous med tech greeted the trio when the doors opened. “Dr. McCoy, the serum is in your office.” McCoy noticed two guards outside his office. Both were armed.

“I want them gone. My daughter is with her uncle and I don’t want her seeing that.”

“Yes sir.” The tech went to talk to the guards as Len approached the group.

The guard looked at the doctor. “I’m sorry sir, I have my orders.”

“Chief is it?”

“Yes sir.”

“Who gave you those orders?”

“Lieutenant Glass sir. She ordered us here for the duration of the testing.”

“Alright. You can tell her Lieutenant Commander Leonard McCoy dismissed you. I am ordering you off this floor. It’s no reflection on you, I just don’t want all this armed security on a medical floor. If she has any questions please refer her to me.”

“Yes sir.” The two guards left the floor as quickly as possible.

“I hope I didn’t sound too; I don’t know.”

Seri was laughing. “Like you, no you didn’t.”

The code pad had been switched to a retinal scan. After scanning Len, the door opened. Three containers of serum sat on his desk. “I guess this is it.” McCoy went into CMO mode. “Chris, can you get the infuser ready. Seri, Jo should be in there with Scotty. Talk to him so they leave before we start the process.” Both women left Len alone with his thoughts. “Here it goes.” He said to no one but his ghosts.

He prepped the bags. Times for the infusions and their rates were written on each one. Sometimes the old school ways were the best. Each would infuse over an hour with an hour inbetween each infusion. The times had to be precise to build up the level and keep it. Build it up too fast and the body could go into overload, space the infusions too far apart and the level may not hold. No, it all had to be absolutely precise.

He walked into the room with the bags in a carry basket. Jo was standing by the tube with Seri behind her. Len went to his baby. “Alright Turtle, tell your uncle you’ll see him later.”

She leaned in closer to the tube. “I’ll see you later Uncle Jim. Remember what you promised. I love you forever.” With that she kissed the glass. As she turned to leave, she hugged her father. “I love you daddy.”

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you too baby.” Jo grabbed Scotty’s hand and the two left the room. Before the door closed Scotty turned to look at their doctor. Their eyes told each other what they couldn’t say out loud. Scotty loved Jim, he was terrified, but he didn’t want to show Jo. Now he needed to be strong for his niece. The door closed softly.

Chris opened the tube and quickly attached the infuser to Jim and then to the tube’ side. Len pulled the pole over to the side of the tube with the infuser port. Carol had checked everything earlier in the day and left notes on both Len’s and Christine’s PADDs. All that was left was for him to attach the serum and push the button. It took a few minutes to attach the bag and adjust the infusion rate. He adjusted the tube monitors so their information would be sent to his PADD, the portal in his office, and the portal in Jim’s room.

Once he was satisfied all of the adjustments were done, he took a deep breath and pushed the button. Now they would know, now they would see if all of his calculations were correct. Soon he would know if he was good enough, or if he lost his brother forever.


	10. chapter 10

Carol looked over the settings as the serum flowed into the port. “Len, we can hook all of the bags to the stasis tube. See, we can put them here and here. The port can take up to eight lines. I can program the times for infusion and it will move it over so each one will automatically begin on time.”

“That can be done? That would be perfect. I have the times written on each bag. The time corresponds with the time we started the first one.” Len stepped back as Carol took the bags and hung them with the first one. She put their lines in separate small holes that led to the hole the first bag’s line was running through to the infuser. The lines attached to the infuser at two points on either side of the first line. She punched in the rate of infusion and start time for the second bag, then quickly added the information for the last bag.

“There you go doctor. That will make it easier.”

“After the second bag, I want to start to slowly bring him out of stasis. Can you help with that?”

“That won’t be a problem. But look here. You can do it. Here is the level he’s at. You can put the rate for removing him here. See how it works. I would have the life support here in case you need it.”

“Thanks Carol, it seems pretty straight forward. I’ll call you if I run into any problems. Chris, can you get all of that together?”

Christine smiled as she left the room. Len knew he could trust her to take care of things. Seri had stepped back to sit in the corner chair. She would be there for Len, but she wanted to stay out of the way. _“Daddy, do you think you could come here in four hours? They are going to start bringing him out of stasis in three.”_

_“I’ll be there. If we don’t get any results we can keep trying. It may take time before we can reach him, especially if he was in deep stasis. I don’t know, this hasn’t been tried before as far as I know.”_

_“Thanks Dad. I’m glad you’re here.”_

_“I love you too baby.”_

Carol was done all of her settings. “Len, I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Go get some rest. Mama will send food. Trust me you won’t starve.”

“I know, she has been sending food. I like your mom.”

“She is something. She’ll want you and Chris to come back to the farm. Don’t feel pressured if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t have any other family. I would love to come. Len, you should ask Chris. She seems lost.”

“I’ve got it. Go get rest.”

Carol left. It wasn’t long before Christine came back with all of the equipment Len would need to put Jim on life support. “I’ll put it all over here.”

Len came up behind the nurse. He put his hands on her shoulders. “I know this isn’t easy. When this is over would you like to come to the farm?” He felt her relax under his touch.

“Thank you. My apartment here is gone. I don’t have anything left. I don’t know if you knew, but my mom died last year. My sister is working on New Vulcan and my brother is on the Bradbury.”

“I didn’t know. Feel free to come to the farm with your other family.” He kissed her on the top of the head before going back to the tube. Chris wiped a few tears from her cheeks as she left the room. Len was always a good boss, but he was an even better friend.

“Imzadi, what are you thinking? You have done a good job of blocking me.”

“I forgot to open up. Sorry.” With that he opened the doors to his mind. “Better?” He smiled at her.

“Much. Just for tonight. It will be easier for you while you try to juggle everything. I’m the one thing you won’t have to worry about.”

“I always worry about you.” His smile didn’t reach his eyes.

“I know. But don’t, at least for tonight. How are the readings?” She wanted him to focus on things he could work on, if not actually control.

“They look good. I’m not sure about what will happen when he’s completely out of stasis. Chris thought of everything.” He was looking over all of the equipment. “I guess she doesn’t’ want him dead after all.”

“She’s grown up a lot these past couple of years.” He looked confused. “We kept in touch.”

They heard the door open. Both watched as Cal walked through the door. Len could see the pain and fear on his baby sister’s face as she tentatively walked toward the tube; stopping before she reached it. “Hey you.”

“Hi.” Her voice was almost a whisper.

Seri got up, kissed the other woman on the cheek and left the room. Cal needed to be alone with her big brother. Len walked over to her. “I just started the infusions. Do you want to see?”

“Len, I…” Without touching her, he could feel her shaking.

“Come here baby.” He walked her over to the tube. Nothing had changed, but she didn’t know that. “See, nothing has changed.” Cal’s fingers shakily traced the cold glass over Jim’s forehead. Len wasn’t happy with how she was taking this. “Callie, you need to talk to me. Right now, it’s just us. Door lock McCoy2566alpha.” He turned her by the shoulders until she faced him.

Cal’s eyes fixated on the floor. “I’m still scared. I don’t know why, but I am.” Deep green eyes found her brother’s.

“Are you afraid of him dying?”

“Yes, partially, but that isn’t it. Every time I come in here, I’m afraid of what I’ll find. I know it’s my imagination running wild.” She was rubbing her hands together.

“Cal, have you ever seen someone die?” His sister hadn’t lived the life he had. That could be why her imagination was getting the best of her.

“No. I haven’t. Not until I saw people die these past couple of days.”

Len led her to the chair Seri had vacated. He took the other chair over to Cal; then sat across from her, close enough to hold her hands in his. “What you’ve seen, all that you have seen these past couple of days, is not what this is. You have seen trauma. That is different.”

“Lenny they were screaming. I saw a mother holding her child as the skin was falling off both of them.” Len knew the fear had more to do with what she had seen than what Jim looked like.

“Where were you when the ship came down?” Now he was getting to the heart of things. He was watching her body language. It was classic flight or fight. Len wasn’t letting her cross her arms or rub them as a way of self-soothing. He wanted her to feel, not to block.

She was rubbing her thumbs over the tops of his hands as he held hers. “I was at the grocery. You know, the bodega two doors down from the coffee shop. There was thunder; no not thunder, an explosion. We came running out. The ship, it missed where we were completely, but it crashed into the skyscrapers on the other side of medical. It just took everything. People were running, but it was pointless. Building crumbled before it came to rest over there.” She tossed her head behind her motioning the direction of the ship. “I hear it took out Alcatraz and most of the wharf as it came in. There were screams everywhere. I wanted to help; you know be more like my brother.” She smiled at him; it was a smile of resignation. “But I’m not you. I pulled a couple of people from the rubble. They seemed alright, but I’m not a real doctor. The closer I got to the crash area…Len there were people walking around with pieces of metal sticking out of them. There weren’t as many people as I thought there would be, but there were enough.”

Len didn’t have the heart to tell her the reason here weren’t as many people as she thought there should be. “You are a different kind of doctor. What else was there?”

“I told you about the mother and child. I got them to a medic that was there, but there wasn’t much he could do for either of them. I can still hear the mother’s screams when he told her, her daughter was dead. I know she died soon after. I saw her body with her daughter’s, on the quad. There was a guy with glass sticking into most of his exposed skin. I didn’t know blood smelled like that, almost like metal. I sat with him. There was so much blood. I couldn’t find anyone to help. I kept waving to the medics but they ignored me. I couldn’t leave him, I couldn’t. I held him. He told me I had beautiful eyes. His name was Ethan. He started to shake as he lay with his head in my lap. He kept saying he was cold. I tried to warm him. His shaking got worse. I told him someone would be there soon. He just kept shaking, until he stopped. He stopped. I sat there until someone came and said they were collecting the deceased. The man asked if I knew who he was. All I knew was his name was Ethan. They said they would take care of finding his family. Did you know that people pee when they die? Oh, of course you do.”

“Sometimes they do.” He wanted her to keep talking. He wasn’t a psychologist like she was, but he knew talking through it with someone she trusted would help.

“I didn’t know that. One day you need to educate me. Len they were they only ones I’ve seen. Is it always like that?”

“Like what?”

“Shaking, I saw people convulsing, some were constricting. Is that what death is like?” She needed the truth from him. She trusted Len not to sugar coat the answer.

“Sometimes, but not usually. Usually it’s calm, like they went to sleep. What you saw was trauma at its worst. Are you afraid that is what could happen to Jim?” She nodded as tears fell down her cheeks. “That won’t happen to him. If he doesn’t make it, he will just stop breathing.” Len gently wiped her tears away before taking her hand again.

“I don’t want to remember him like those people. I know it’s selfish, don’t tell me it isn’t, but I don’t want to see that. I’m weak, I know.”

“And yet you have been here every day. Several times a day if I know you. You aren’t weak.” He wanted her to see what he saw.

“I can’t leave him. If he dies, I want to be with him. As much as I don’t want to see him like I saw those others, I don’t want him to die without me there.”

“I know. I’m proud of you. I know how scared you are, but you are there for the man you love. I’m extremely proud of the woman you have become Caroline McCoy.” She took her hands from his. In a second her arms were around his neck and her face was buried in its crook. Len hugged her, as he rocked her gently the way he did when they were kids. “This is your first experience with death. I wish I could have spared you. God you’re only twenty-seven. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“I turn twenty-eight soon. And you were younger than me the first time you dealt with this.” She wasn’t relaxing her grip on him.

“I was, but baby, I’m a trauma surgeon. It’s my job.” He could feel her giggle.

Finally, she let go. “Can I stay here while you bring him out of stasis?”

“Yes. I think it would be best if you did. You can sit here while we work on things. We will most likely have to put him on life support. That will give his body time to heal. It will take a little while before he can come off of that.”

“If he can come off of that.”

“Alright, if he can. Cal, I need you here, he needs you here.” He kissed her cheek before getting up. “Why don’t you bring the chair over there for now. You can sit close until we are ready to remove him from stasis.”

Call drug the chair over. She could just see Jim’s face as she sat closer to the glass. She couldn’t lose him. After everything they had shared, she wasn’t ready to lose her best friend.

There was a loud beep as the first bag finished. Len hadn’t realized an hour had passed. It would be another hour before the next bag started. So far everything looked good. He thought about what he had said, that he would start to back him off from stasis after the second bag. As he looked at the readings, he realized that needed to change. It would be safer if it was done more gradually. Carefully he punched in the command. Stasis would begin to lessen steadily, but slowly over the next four hours. By then the serum infusion would be complete and they could move to the next phase of recovery. He reached out to Seri to tell her what he was doing. She contacted her father who came over as quickly as possible.

Seri met Jaz in the hall out side of Len’s office. “Hi Dad.”

“He started?”

“Yes.”

Jaz grabbed a chair from the corridor before following his daughter to Jim’s room. Now it would start. Now they would work to see if Jim Kirk still existed.


	11. chapter 11

The hours went by without much change. Jim was slowly coming out of stasis, but Jaz and Seri still could not feel him. Len had been concerned, but Jaz assured him that until Jim was completely out of stasis it might not be possible to feel anything. Len watched everything, Cal never taking her hand from the tube, Seri and Jaz switching spots so one was always looking at Jim’s face. This was new territory and none knew what to expect.

The rain had started again. The sound of it beating against the windows reminded the doctor of the sounds the instruments made as the clattered onto the floor during the last battle. He closed his eyes tight against the memory. The last bag emptied, singled to the room by the alarm on the infuser. Len turned it off. Christine and Carol had joined them before the alarm sounded. “Chris can you get the life support. Carol, the stasis can be eliminated.” Len was watching every screen on the wall. Jim’s vitals were weak, but maintaining stability. He calculated that the stasis could be lifted now rather than wait. It was lite as to be almost nonexistent. “Is there anything I need to know that you haven’t shown me?”

“No, everything looks good. When you open the tube, you will see these lights change.” She pointed to a panel near the controls. “They will go to red, that signals the elimination of stasis. You will want to transfer him to a biobed as soon as possible. Len, I don’t know what will happen once you pull him out. This hasn’t been done before.”

“I know.” Christine had already brought the bed over, along with a crash cart, a tray of neatly arranged hypo sprays, and intubation tray, and a neural regenerator. She was moving the ventilator to be behind the bed. “Carol, thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Carol knew that was the doctor’s gentile way of asking her to leave. “I’ll be down the hall in the waiting room.” She gave him a small smile before leaving.

“Seri, can you get a couple of aides to help move him?”

“Give me a minute.” She quickly walked out of the room.

Jaz walked to Cal. “Come with me baby. We can stay over here.” He put his arm around her as he led her to the two chairs in the corner. Cal was shaking as she realized that it could all end in the next few minutes. “We don’t have to sit. Stay with me.” Jaz never took his arm from around her shoulders.

Len wanted to go to his baby sister, but he needed to stay with Jim. It wasn’t long before Seri came back with the aides. She and her father would keep connection with Jim. All she wanted was to feel something, anything. The absence of him couldn’t be all that was left, not yet. McCoy was ready, he had his professional mask on. Fingers danced over the controls. The lights shone red as the top slid back and with the push of a button the side closest to the bed flopped open. Alarms chimed as the aides quickly grabbed the sheet Jim was lying on ad slid him over to the biobed. Beeps pierced the room as Chris quickly moved the tube away.

Len was next to the bed in less than a second. Some alarms were silenced as he handed the shears to the one aide. Jim’s clothes were cut off and discarded as the doctor and nurse programed the bed to monitor the vital signs, they deemed most necessary. As the days went on the program would be altered but for now certain systems were more vital than others. The aides threw the clothes into a bag then moved to the side incase they were needed. Suddenly the heart monitor screamed. “He’s in v-fib; nurse paddles.” Before he could finish the statement, Chris handed him the paddles from the cart. She already had them charged. “200.” Cal turned her face into Jaz’s shoulder. He held her close as she shook, tears soaked his shirt.

“Already done. Ready doctor.”

“Clear.” Jim’s body jolted with the shock. Len immediately looked at the heart monitor. Miraculously it showed a normal sinus rhythm. “Here.” Christine took the paddles, but recharged the unit just in case. The captain’s oxygen saturation levels were far too low for Len’s comfort. “We are going to need to put him on the ventilator.” He was handed the laryngoscope blade along with the scope as he walked to the back of the bed. He thanked God he had the best nurse in the fleet working with him. Not only could anticipate his needs she knew the size of the blade he would need. The scope helped, especially with how tense the doctor was becoming, but he had visualized the larynx properly and used the scope to placate his fears. The tube was inserted and secured quickly as Chris readied the ventilator.

Once all was secured and the machine was breathing for Jim Len took a deep breath. Chris was putting in the catheter as Len looked at Seri. She had a smile on her face. “I have him. It is faint but I have him.”

Jaz whispered something to Cal. “Are you sure Uncle Jaz?”

“Yes baby. He’s there.”

Cal went to the bed as Seri went to Jaz. This was the first of many steps, but at least he wasn’t lost. Christine put a gown on Jim after she secured the foley and made sure the bag was hung correctly. Len looked at his sister. “You can touch him. We will need to wheel him over to there, but you can hold his hand.” He was doing that as much for Jim as for her. Maybe on some level he would know she was there and want to come back.

The bed was placed at the far end of the room, monitors on one side and windows on the other. Christine left, when she came back, she brought a taller chair with her. She placed it next to the bed for Cal. “Here you go. We’ll lower the bed later, but for now this will help.”

“Thank you.” She was uncharacteristically quiet.

Len finished calibrating the portable monitor when he looked up to see his sister. She was whiter than usual. He noticed the dark circles that were starting to form under her eyes. He heard she had been volunteering at the civilian hospital. “Callie.”

“I should go. I’m sorry Len.”

“No baby, you can stay as long as you like. If you do, you need to stop volunteering. You look beat and the next days aren’t going to be easy. You can’t help anyone if you don’t take care of yourself.”

“Look who’s talking.”

“Do as I say not as I do.” He tried to smile.

“I promise.” She turned to Jaz and Seri. “You’re sure he is still there?”

Jaz walked to her. He pushed a stray hair out of her eyes. “I can feel him. It’s weak, but he is there. Little one, I think he will be able to feel you.” Jaz didn’t know if Jim could feel her, but he wanted to help her feel useful.

“Thank you.” He kissed her forehead before going back to the corner. He and Seri would work in shifts. Until Jim woke up, or Len determined he would never awaken.

The next forty-eight hours showed a strengthening of Jim’s vital signs. Len, Seri, and Cal stayed at the hospital. What little sleep they got was either in a chair or on one of the on-call bunks. Len looked at the ladies. “You two need to go home, get some real sleep. Peaches, when your dad gets here you should leave with Cal.”

“You need a decent night’s sleep Imzadi. Why don’t you come with us?” The door opened; Jaz walked in and took the seat next to Jim.

“I have a few things to do, but I promise I won’t be long.” He smiled at the ladies as they left for the bungalows.

“Lenny, you really do look bad.” Jaz looked concerned.

“I know. Have you been able to feel anything?”

“I can feel him and it is getting stronger. Once in awhile I catch a glimpse of a memory. Nothing concrete, but there is something there.”

“Seri hadn’t mentioned any memories.”

“She might not be able to sense them. She is exhausted and as long as she is in this building, she stays linked to him.”

“I’ll make sure she goes home more often.”

“Good luck with that.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“This, this wasn’t what you signed up for when you said you would come.”

Jaz got up and walked to Len. He led the doctor to the windows. “See those lights?” He pointed to the bungalows.

“Yes.”

“Those buildings are filled with a family. We are all in this together. No matter what we are here for you and Jim. I’ve been talking to Spock. You should talk to him.”

Len noticed the concern in the older man’s eyes. “I haven’t really seen him. I’ll try to catch up to him.”

The door slowly opened; Kat walked in. “Young man, you need to get some sleep. Get going.”

“I have a couple of things to do before I leave.”

“Potoropis!”

Len loved it when Kat treated him like her own son. “Yes, ma’am I’ll hurry.” With that he made some adjustments to the fluid flow rates and checked the urine output. Everything looked good. He was grateful they all kept up their shifts even when he was there. The support was welcomed. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“If you aren’t gone for at least six hours I will come back here and drag you back to bed.”

“Yes ma’am, six hours.”

Kat walked to Len. Her hand cupped his cheek as she looked deep into his eyes. “You need sleep. We are here. I promise you, if anything changes you will be commed immediately. You’ve done good, you’re a good boy.” She stretched up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. “Good night Lenny.”

“Good night Mrs. Chekov.”

“It’s Kat. How many times do I have to tell you?” Her voice held a playful lilt.

“Probably many more times.” He gave her a kiss before leaving the room. She had said goodnight, but it wasn’t night, not yet. As he exited the elevator the building seemed to close in on him. He was starting to find it hard to breathe. The past days were catching up to the doctor.

Len half ran out of Medical. He needed to breathe. The serum was transfused and Jim was out of stasis and on life support. Again, he was playing a waiting game. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Footsteps fell behind him, matching his as he crossed the green. “What is it Spock?”

The Vulcan caught up to him. “Doctor, I was just…concerned.”

“About Jim? We’ll know within the next few days. I’ll keep an eye on his readings. His vitals are stronger and he is stable, but that is all for now. I want him off of life support as soon as possible. Only when he is off of it will we know if the treatment is working the way we need it to work.”

“No, Leonard I was concerned about you.”

“Since when did you care about me?” His voice dripped with venom. Spock tried to hide it, but a look of shock and hurt played in his eyes. “Fuck, Spock I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I just feel useless. I know you care.”

“I understand.” Len could see Spock’s countenance change. He was scared, something Len hadn’t seen before. Or rather something he had more than likely overlooked these past days. No wonder Jaz wanted him to talk to the Commander.

People were starting to stare at the two as they stood in the middle of the busy courtyard. Len needed to get Spock away from them before they could see what the doctor saw too clearly; before Spock lost the little control, he had left. With a hand on the Vulcan’s shoulder the two men walked quickly to the back of the crew bungalow. The trees offered privacy, and privacy was needed.

They stood under the large oak, hidden from the eyes in the house as well as those in the courtyard. “It’s alright Spock.” Len could see the other man shaking as he tried to maintain control. “It’s me. You don’t have to worry. I know.” He put his hand on Spock’s shoulder as the tears started. Len had never seen Spock like this. He had heard about his reaction after Jim died, but this was different. Now there was no anger, this was pain and fear. “Come here.” He held his friend as Spock released all of the emotions, he was trying so hard to repress.

Vulcan emotions were stronger than human and they had to be controlled. That is what Spock had been taught all his life. Now this man told him it was alright to feel, it was safe. Len would keep him safe. Spock hadn’t cried like this since he was a boy being held by his mother because the other children tormented him to his breaking point. Now he had a family that accepted him as he was. With them he wasn’t a half-breed as the children of his youth called him. With them he was just Spock. Now he was losing one of them. No, now he was losing a person he saw as a brother and he wasn’t prepared for the pain.

He clutched onto Len’s back, digging his fingers into the back of McCoy’s jacket. He held on as tight as he could trying desperately to ground himself. Len didn’t move even though he could feel the fingers break his skin. Seri could fix the damage when they got into the house. The pain Spock was unknowingly inflicting on the doctor was nothing compared to the pain the Vulcan was feeling. Len held him tighter. Words weren’t necessary, just compassion and love. Len loved the hobgoblin, though he would never admit it. Spock was family.

After he calmed Spock stood straight. “I am sorry Leonard.” He wiped the tears and straightened his jacket.

“There is no need. We are all on edge. Let’s go in. Kat made me promise to sleep. I’m not allowed back for at least six hours.”

“You do need rest. I have talked the admiralty into skipping your debriefing.”

“How’d you manage that.” He opened the back door for Spock to enter the house. The family was scattered though out both homes, but Seri and Nyota were in the crew one and Len knew they would be looking for them.

“I merely stated that your talents were needed at medical if they were going to have any chance of recovering their most valuable captain. They came to the logical conclusion.”

Len was smiling. “Thank you for that. I hate getting the star chamber treatment.”

“You are welcome. Seriana looks concerned.”

“She knows how tired I am. Goodnight Spock.” He patted the man on the back.

“Goodnight Leonard.”

Len followed Seri into their bedroom. Without a word she got the med kit from the top of the dresser and took out the small regen unit. “You could feel me?”

“Oh yeah. Take off your shirt.” Len took off his shirt then sat on the bed. Seri knelt on the bed behind him then slowly ran the regen unit over the wounds.

“This won’t take long. You’re a good friend.”

“He needed someone to listen.”

“He needed someone he trusts. There, done.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “We both need some sleep.

He leaned back into his fiancé. “Mmmmm.” They both undressed. Len locked the door, they slept better without any clothes. He crawled under the covers and into her arms. It was only minutes before they both slept. For now there was peace that would change when they woke.


	12. chapter 12

The sun streamed into the bedroom. “Shit.” Len reached over to an empty side of the bed. Seri must have relieved her dad at the hospital. He flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Soon he would have to go out to a house full of people with questions, questions to which he didn’t have answers.

There was a light knock at the door. “Pumpkin, can I come in?”

He threw on underwear before he unlocked the door. “Come in Mama. Give me a minute.” He walked into the bathroom, closed the door, relieved himself, then brushed his teeth. It wasn’t long before he joined her at the bottom of the bed.

Lena looked him over, head bowed, hands clasped on his lap. “We haven’t had any time to talk baby.”

“I know. I have been a little busy.”

Gently she guided his chin until they were looking at each other. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks mom.” He stood up and began to pace in front of the bed.

“I understand what you’re feeling.”

“No, no you don’t. And I know you talked to dad; sorry, Uncle George.”

“Dad’s fine. I have, but I also know you. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be God.” She wanted to push his buttons. One thing Lena knew was her son needed to show his anger. He had shown his fear and pain, but the anger was what was tearing at him.

“YES, I DO! I HAVE TO FUCKING FIX EVERYTHING. IT’S ALL ON ME. THE GREAT DR. MCCOY, HE CAN DO IT. SEE LOOK, HE CAN FIX DEATH.” It hit him that he was screaming at his mother. When he finally looked at her, her face hadn’t changed. She as calm as she had been when she walked into the room. “Christ! I’m sorry Mama.”

“It’s alright.”

“No, it isn’t. I’m not angry with you.”

“But you are angry.”

The realization hit. It was what he had been fighting since he put Jim in the tube. He pushed down the pain and fear, but he fought the anger. “I guess so.”

“Get dressed. It’s just us. Ben, Hikaru, and Joce took the girls to the park. They said something about hot chocolate. As bad as it is, they want to make things as normal as possible. Demora is starting to wonder what happened.”

“She shouldn’t see it.”

“We all agree on that. I’ll meet you in the breakfast nook.” Lena left Len to dress.

She had poured two cups of white tea. The last thing her son needed was caffeine, no matter how much he wanted it. Len was pulling his medical shirt over his head as he made his way to the table. He sat down in front of the large blue mug. “White tea?” Her eyes smiled over her cup. “You used to make this for me when I was upset.”

“Some things never change.”

“Some things do.” He took a sip. “What do you want me to tell you.”

“Nothing. It is more about what you need to tell yourself.”

“And what would that be?”

“That it’s okay to be angry.”

“Even if it is with him? Even if ultimately, he did the right thing? He did you know.”

“I do. I know he saved Scotty before going in.”

“Yeah.” Len’s smile was sad as he looked into his cup. “Mom, I’m so angry. He doesn’t think and he lands into messes. I can’t always fix things you know?”

“I know. Do you think that Jim just rushed in; that he didn’t think?”

Thank God the cup was thick or he would have shattered it as hard as he was holding on. “No, he thought. He thought about everyone but himself. I could feel how scared he was after he came out of the chamber. I couldn’t get to him. Spock was there, so were Nyota and Scotty, but I wasn’t. He died scared and I wasn’t with him. He…” McCoy didn’t know what to say. Was he angry? Yes. He was angry that Jim left him and he wasn’t there to be with his brother at the end. He was angry that the choice had to be made. He was just angry.

“Can I tell you a few secrets?”

“Sure.”

“You may not know this, but you are human.”

“I’m well aware.”

“What you might also not realize is that humans get angry for no real reason, but it is normal. I won’t bore you with why this happens, but it does.”

“I don’t want to hate him.”

“Do you?”

Len was almost silent. “No.”

“Good. The misplaced anger will fade, but you already know that.”

“Yes. Mom, what if I can’t do this?”

“Then we will get through it.”

“My second fucking failure.”

“Leonard Horatio McCoy, don’t say that. I’ll give you the divorce, though I have to admit you and Joce have made more of a success of you divorce then you did of your marriage. If this doesn’t work it doesn’t mean you failed.”

“You can remind me of that as we stand over his grave.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t bury him before he’s dead.”

“I’m trying not to do just that. Everyone looks to me for the answers and I don’t have any fucking answers, just like with Spock’s sight. Sorry, do you know about that?”

“Yes, Jim commed me when it happened.”

“I missed it. I thought he was blind because I messed up that part of his physiology in my mind. I missed it.”

“Will you make that mistake again?”

“No. Jim tried to tell me it wasn’t my fault, but it was. What if I missed something this time?”

“This is all new ground. I know you; you go over everything in your mind every time you close your eyes or look out a window. Am I right?”

“Yes. I do go over things. Seri and Jaz say they can feel him.”

“Then hold onto that. Lenny, I’m not going to be your therapist.”

“Thank you for that.”

“But I am your mother. I know you’re angry and hurting. I know you’re angry with him, and I know you’re angry with yourself. Don’t do what you usually do.”

“And what is that.” For a moment Lena heard her late husband’s voice. She wouldn’t allow her boy to fall down that hole and become the bitter and hateful man his father had been.

“Wall yourself off, try to take care of everyone but yourself. Talk to me, talk to George or Jaz. I know you don’t want to bother Seri or Cal, but they want you to talk to them. Joce isn’t here because of Jo, at least not primarily. She is here for you. Do you think we could have kept Jake and Sarah away?”

“Jake is here for Jim.” He was staring at his mug.

Lena put her hand over his. “He was going to stay behind to let Evan come, but Evan knew Jake needed to be here. He is here for you as much as Jim. We are here for you. Even Jo said you would need us.” She could see him trying to process what she was saying. “You’re a great doctor. I saw that in the way you thought, even in school. Your grandparents were proud of you. Granddad used to say that you were the most instinctual surgeon he had ever seen. Grandmom was proud of your scientific abilities. She loved your curiosity and ability to take that curiosity into the lab.”

“They never told me. They told me they were proud of me, but I thought it was only because I was their grandson.”

“I know. They were proud of you in ways I doubt you’ll ever know. Before you ask, they were proud of some of their other grandchildren, but you were always their favorite. Len, you really are exceptional. If you can’t do this, I doubt there is anyone who can. I know about Spock’s site, but that just proves you are human.”

“I don’t get that luxury.”

“Yes, you do. That is why we are here. I noticed Christine Chapel in Jim’s room. If I remember correctly, she is one of the best in her field.”

“She is. She is staying at the hospital to help Jim.”

“She is staying to help you. She trusts you but she knows no one can do this alone. Do you know that?”

“To a point. Ultimately, I am alone on this. No one else can know where to go.”

“I that respect yes. As far as the rest goes, how things are looking in the present, small things you need, lean on those around you. Trust those around you to help where they can so you can concentrate on things only you can do.”

Len smiled at his mother. “I get it. And before you ask, I’m not as angry anymore.”

“See you still need your mother.”

Len got up, walked around the table, and kissed the older woman on the top of the head. “I always need you. But you knew that. I have to go to work.”

Lena call over her shoulder as Len opened the door. “I’ll bring lunch when I come over for my shift.” She wanted Len to fall into a routine. Her making him lunch every day would be a start. There were times her oldest worried her.

The walk to medical seemed to get longer as the days moved one into the other. Lena had been taking the lunch shift every day. She would bring everyone food and determine their psychological well being over the meal. Carol was doing well, though her father’s culpability played in the back of her mind. She had been talking to Lena. Christine was exhausted, but wanted nothing more than to be of help. Cal was still nervous, but her exhaustion was taking over. Seri was trying to hold it all together but she had been working too many hours to keep it up much longer. Jaz would try to send her home, but she always wanted to stay just a little longer. Her ‘little longers’ were getting longer and longer with each passing day. Both she and her father said Jim had memories running in his head. Periodically they would be able to decipher what he was dreaming.

Then there was her boy. He was more exhausted then she had seen him, even his residency hadn’t been this bad. Suddenly Len jumped up. He ran to the readout wall, put in a few commands, then went to Jim’s bed. Lena startled. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, Christine come here. I want you to look at this. Are you seeing what I’m seeing?”

Chris put down her sandwich and joined Len at the wall. “Should we pull him off of support?”

Cal jumped up and ran to Jim. “No, don’t give up. Please Len, I’m not ready.”

Len forgot she was there. He held Cal as she cried. “Fuck. Baby I’m so sorry. No, it isn’t that. The readings show he might be able to breathe on his own. We are going to try. You don’t have to be here.”

Seri walked over to Cal. “Why don’t we stand over here? We can watch and not be in the way.” Gently Cal was led over to her mom. The two ladies kept their arms around the trembling woman as Len shut off the ventilator.

Christine watched the readings. “There, look. He can do it.”

“You’re right. Look there. Let’s extubate and see how it goes.” Before he even started his last sentence, Chris handed him the tray. He removed the tape then carefully pulled the tube out of his best friend. This would tell him how far they had come better than any readings on a wall. They both let out the breaths they were holding when they realized the patient was breathing on his own. Two weeks had passed without much change, but now he was breathing on his own.

Cal took a tentative step towards the bed. “That is good, isn’t it?”

Len came over to her. “It is definitely good. He has a way to go still, and I’m not making any promises, but at least he has come this far.”

Cal took Jim’s hand. It was warm. He was still there. “I think I’ll stay.”

Len took a good look at his sister. He would let them stay for now, but she and Seri needed to sleep. “Peaches, I’m giving you and your dad the night off.” Seri started to protest. “No, I need you all in top form for later.”

“Alright, but we will be here bright and early in the morning.”

“Not before ten. I want you both truly rested. Can you tell Joce she can take Jo here after dinner?”

“Sure, aren’t you coming with us?”

“I have some things to do. Don’t worry, I’ll rest.” She looked at him through slitted eyes. “I will.”

“Alright. It won’t do any good to argue. I know when to give up.” She walked over to Jim, trying to connect with him, to have him hear her, have him communicate with her.

“Cal, I want you to go back with Seri. You look like hell.”

“So, do you.”

“I’ll get some rest.”

“Liar.”

“I will, later.” Len walked over to his mother. “I really need those two to get a good night’s sleep.”

“When was the last time you had a good night’s sleep Pumpkin?”

“I’m fine.”

“Not an answer to my question. Don’t worry, I’ll let it go for now. I’ll make sure Joce knows. Jo can’t wait to see her Uncle so they will probably be by later.”

At 17:00 Len called down for a dinner tray for him and sent everyone else home. He promised Chris he would call if there were any changes. Nothing had changed. He looked over the readings, they weren’t what he had hoped for after the extubation. The blood counts were still too low, and where the O2 saturation was good, his blood pressure was a little low for the doctor’s liking.

He ate dinner, but didn’t taste any of it. Joce called, she would be heading over with Jo. He told her he didn’t need anything and that it was good for jo to see her uncle. Joce could tell something was off, she just didn’t know what.

Len met them in the hall outside of the isolation room. Joce’s look turned from trepidation to concern the minute she saw him. Jo looked scared; she had never seen her father like this. The last time they had been there Jim was still in the cryotube, and Len hadn’t looked like he had been through a war. “Donkey?”

“He’s alive. I don’t know much more than that. I tried…Joce I am trying. I think I got it right, but I’m not sure if, or when he’ll wake. I don’t know what else I can do.” The words came out in rapid fire. He was exhausted. The lack of sleep was taking its toll. He had forced Seri and Cal to go back to the bungalow, but he hadn’t taken his own advice, and it showed.

“Jo, sit here while I talk to Daddy.” She led the girl over to a line of chairs opposite the door to Jim’s room. Jo followed her mother’s instruction, but her eyes didn’t leave the frosted glass in the door. “Len, let’s go over here.” She led him to the on-call room a few feet down the hall. Gentle hands guided him to the bottom bunk. He sat while she leaned against the desk across from him.

“I should get back. He could wake up.” He tried to stand but she blocked his way.

“No, you need to lie down. You look like hell, and I don’t think you have enough strength to fight me on this.”

“Joce, please; I need to do this.”

“What, fall over? Because Donkey that’s where you’re headed. Let me give you a hand.” She knelt in front of him and started to remove his shoes. She was right, he didn’t have the strength to stop her. “When was the last time you really slept?”

“I don’t know, yesterday or the day before. Please don’t tell Seri. I’ve been blocking her. She passed exhausted a couple of days ago.”

“So, did you, and killing yourself isn’t going to help anyone. Please Len, you need to rest.” She was begging him. Len had never heard Joce beg; it wasn’t her style. She would order or ask, but never beg.

“Do I look that bad?”

“Well, I don’t think you’re part racoon, but your eyes look like you are. And you’re paler than usual.”

“That’s because I’ve been on the ship.”

“No baby, it isn’t.” His head was hanging down. She brushed the side of his cheek with the back of her hand, pushed the hair back, and kissed his forehead. “Lie down. I’ll make sure they come get you if there are any changes.”

“Please make sure he isn’t left alone. He’s alone now, I don’t like that.” The doctor turned to put his head on the pillow. Joce took the blanket from the top bunk and placed it over him.

“I’ll make sure.” She ran her fingers through his hair until he fell asleep. No matter how upset he got that simple act always helped him relax. Evan was coming on the shuttle that night. She knew Len needed his support. Years before they had talked about not fucking up their divorce. It seemed to Joce they had managed to make it work. It wasn’t long before his breathing changed and she knew he was asleep. The light was turned off and the door closed as she left the room.

They had left Jo on the chair outside Jim’s room. Joce didn’t want her to see her dad looking as defeated as he did. When she looked at the chairs, they were empty. “Jo!” She knew her daughter hadn’t gone far, and the imp couldn’t leave the building without someone stopping her. Everyone that worked in the building knew what Dr. McCoy’s daughter looked like. She spent a lot of time there when she visited her dad at the Academy, and the older she got the more she looked like him. When she visited, she would roam the building. One day he found her in the morgue learning about the structure of the brain.

Joce didn’t go far before she realized where the little one must have gone. She opened the door to Jim’s room. What she saw brought tears to her eyes and she had to step out to compose herself. Jim was Jo’s best friend; that was what the young girl told her friends at school. He was her Uncle Jim and he would always be her best friend. Joce didn’t dissuade her from feeling that way. It was healthy for her to have good adults in her life. He had been a strong influence over her almost from the day they met.

Jo watched her parents walk into the on-call room. She could feel how tired her dad was. She could feel something else, but she didn’t know what it was. Adult feelings were hard for her to understand, though her granddad and Aunt Seri were helping her. She knew they would be awhile and she started to become restless.

Her uncle was out of the cold tube and in a bed on the other side of the door. Her dad didn’t want her there when Jim was on life support. Now the ventilator was gone and she was allowed to see him. 

She kept an eye on the on-call room door as she opened the door to the isolation room and slipped in. The lights were on low. To her left was a screen with all of her uncle’s vitals displayed. It took up most of the wall next to the door. Jo wished she knew what all of the numbers and the squiggly lines meant. There was a cart on the other side of the bed with a smaller screen on it. She recognized his heart and respiration rates, but that was all.

The sun had set less than an hour before and any vestige of natural light vanished with it. Jo looked out of the windows next to Jim’s bed. There were trees in the yard that were barely visible in the lamplight. Beyond the yard was the bay. The lights of the city reflected off the water. Years before her uncle had taken her to the bridge, a thick fog had almost completely covered it. He showed her the gardens that had been recently planted at the base of the orange structure. They talked about how they resembled the gardens on Betazed. He taught her how the cables held and distributed the weight of the structure and how it allowed for the bridge to be as long as it was.

Jo turned to the bed. Her uncle wasn’t just one of her favorite people, he was her best friend. She adored her dad, mom, stepdad, grandparents, other uncles and aunts, but they weren’t like her Uncle Jim. She could tell him the things she didn’t want to share with her parents and she knew she could trust him not to say anything. If he thought it was something they should know, he always managed to persuade her to tell them herself. He kept her safe when they went for rides into town and made sure she ate her vegetables before he would take her to the ice cream parlor. He was her Uncle Jim before he was Captain Kirk.

Starfleet had told the families that death was possible; they held classes for them, but they didn’t prepare her for this. She slowly climbed onto the bed. His hand felt warm as she held it in hers. It was all wrong, he was warm and his color was better than her dad’s, but she couldn’t feel him. She could always feel Uncle Jim, but this last two weeks she couldn’t no matter how hard she tried. She couldn’t feel anything. He wasn’t dead, but he was. There was nothing there.

Jo moved up the bed and put her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his heart. When Jo was scared, Jim would hold her to his chest and she would listen to his heart as he calmed her. She remembered the night she was scared because her dad was yelling at her Aunt Ginny. When Jim held her, she could hear his heart and it made her feel safe. Only her dad could make her feel safer.

Now he wasn’t there. “Uncle Jim, I’m here. Remember when you told me you would always keep me safe? Now I’m going to keep you safe. You aren’t allowed to leave me. You aren’t. Please stay, we need you. I need you. Daddy told me what you did. I know you saved his life and Aunt Seri’s. But I don’t want you to leave me. Please Uncle Jim, don’t go. Don’t go.” She closed her eyes to a torrent of tears as she laid sobbing on her Uncle’s chest. She didn’t hear her mother open and close the door. She didn’t feel her uncle lightly squeeze her hand.

Joce let her daughter have a few minutes alone with her uncle before she walked to the bio-bed. She rubbed her baby’s back a little, then gathered the little girl into her arms. “Your daddy is working hard to fix your uncle.”

“But what if he can’t?” She was still crying.

“That is a possibility, but we will deal with that if the time comes. Until then, he is alive and he is here.”

“I can’t feel him. Mommy, I can always feel all of you. But now I can’t feel him.”

“Your Aunt Seri, and Granddad can. When she gets back, you should talk to her.” Jo had calmed down. Joce was a good mother. She knew her daughter. Jo would never have responded to her if she treated her like a toddler. Joce treated her with respect, but kept the conversation on the level of a twelve-year-old. At times Jo was twelve going on thirty, at other times she was just twelve. “Do you want to go lay down with your daddy? I can stay with Jim.”

“Please, please Uncle Jim. You promised. Don’t forget, you promised me.” Jo released Jim’s hand and kissed him on the cheek before she followed her mother into the on-call room. Len had turned in his sleep so his back was to the room. Jo crawled over the bottom rails of the bunk and snuggled in between her father and the wall. Crying had tired her out. Here she felt safe. Instinctively Len put his arm around his baby and pulled her to him. “Good night mommy.”

“Good night Jojo.” Joce left the room and went to Jim. She pulled the antigravity chair closer to the bed, grabbed a pillow and blanket from the closet and settled in for the night. No matter what happened, Jim wouldn’t be alone.

Joce got comfortable and put the blanket over herself. Jim looked peaceful, not the way he usually looked while sleeping. The summer she met him hadn’t truly prepared her for how big a part of their lives he would become. Now she couldn’t picture their lives without him. “Damn it, Jim.” She stood up and moved to the side of the bed. His hair was hanging ever so slightly over his forehead. She brushed it back. “There, that’s better.” The mattress dipped as she sat down. “This is a hell of a lot different than the day we met. Though, Len looks as bad now as he did then. I think I introduced myself as the bitch of an ex-wife. You were nice enough not to agree.”

She picked up his hand and began to trace the veins on its back. “I need to tell you something. I’m pregnant. I just told Evan a few hours ago. I haven’t told Len yet. You know him, he’ll worry. I’m only a couple of weeks along. According to Gwen’s scanner, Jo and Crystal are going to have a little brother. Evan and I wanted you and Cal to be his godparents, so you are going to need to wake up. Pavel is babysitting Crystal. That should be the best birth control ever. Don’t worry, I showed him how to change a diaper, and give a bottle. I made Len go to sleep. He was getting ready to fall over. The bungalows at the farm are being expanded. Jake and Evan think they should each be a minimum of two-thousand square feet. They finished the renovations and expansions on our house and on Sarah and Jake’s. I think you’ll like what they did.”

The fingers of her right hand ran down the side of his face. “That’s not good. You need a shave.” She pushed the button for the nurse’s aide. In a few minutes a boy, he was too young to be called a man, came in. “Hello, I need a basin, razor, and shaving cream, please.”

“Ma’am, I don’t think you are authorized to be in here alone. You will need to leave now.”

Joce rarely used her full name, but this seemed as good a time as any. “I’m Dr. Jocelyn McCoy Love. If you have any questions, you can wake up Dr. McCoy and ask him. Try not to wake our daughter when you do.”

The kid swallowed hard. No one in medical ever wanted to anger Dr. McCoy. He frightened the younger personnel on a good day, and this definitely wasn’t a good day. “I’ll get you a shaving kit ma’am.” He scurried out of the room like a mouse when you opened the barn door.

It took him less than three minutes to come back with the kit. He had even put warm water in the basin and supplied a fresh towel and washcloth. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Let me know if you need anything else Mrs. Love.”

Joce took the washcloth, wet it, and wiped Jim’s cheeks and chin. “Lights 100%. I know, but that was a little fun. I hate when they get snotty. How would I have gotten in here without a badge, honestly. At least I didn’t make him call me doctor when he said Mrs.” She put the shaving cream in her hand then applied it to his face. “Don’t tell them, but Len and Spock were right. I’m glad I got the doctorate.” Slowly she began to shave him. “It made me feel better about myself. Len never said anything, hell none of you did, but I always felt inferior. I know, I know, I wasn’t, but I still felt that way. Sometimes I still hear my parents in my head. Anyway, it was nice sitting through the classes with Sarah. Now we both qualify to be museum curators or professors. Mama, George, and Jaz have us cataloging the entire McCoy and Highland Enterprise collections. Plus, we have been acquiring some nice pieces. Sarah got a piece just for you. When we get home, I’ll show you.”

Joce stopped. “You have to wake up. Jo says she can’t feel you, but I know you’re still with us. Seri and Jaz say you are.” She finished shaving him and gently rinsed his face. The towel was softer than she had expected. “There, now you look like you. This is the most time we have had alone since the wedding. You did a beautiful ceremony. I know, Aunt Doris wants you to be ordained, but I’m happy the Counsel said you could do the ceremony as Captain. One day you may have to do what Aunt Doris wants or she’ll never leave you alone. The town is still talking about that day. The old biddies can’t get past Len walking me down the aisle. They don’t understand our kind of love. You know how much I love the both of you. I don’t know what I would do without you both in my life. I need you.” She took the tub with the shaving kit to the bathroom. The water was dumped into the shower area before the kit was put into the tub. Joce placed it under the sink. As she stood up, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Fuck, she looked almost as bad as Len.

The room was quiet except for the beeping of the monitors. His covers were fixed before she kissed him on the forehead. “You don’t get to leave, not yet.” She kissed him again, sat back in the chair and put the covers back on. “Lights off. Good night kiddo, I love you.” It wasn’t long before Joce fell asleep.

A large hand gently squeezed Joce’s shoulder. As her eyes opened, she could see the tangerine hues the sunrise cast over the room. “Jocelyn, you should go back to the bungalow and sleep.” Brown eyes showed the concern he tried to hide.

“Len didn’t want him to be left alone. It’s alright Spock. I’ll get some rest today.”

“Evan has arrived. He said he will come here as soon as you get back. I believe Crystal has, how do you say, worn Mr. Chekov out.”

“No doubt. I’ll get Jo and Len.”

“Has the doctor gotten adequate sleep?”

“He’s had about eleven hours.”

“I shall remain here.”

“Thank you.” She gave him a kiss then left for the on-call room. The room was dark as she quietly entered. “Lights 10%.” She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her ex-husband’s back. Joce stopped thinking of him as her ex years before. He was her friend, her best friend after her husband, and the father of her oldest. “Lenny, it’s time to get up. I’m sorry sweetie, but it’s morning.”

He turned carefully to face her. Jo stirred as she began to wake. “Mmmmmm. Shit! I should have been up already.”

“Len, you needed the rest. You’re no good to anyone if you aren’t rested. Jojo, we need to get you back to the bungalow.”

Jo was rubbing her eyes. “Mom, I want to stay with daddy.”

“Your dad needs to work. Uncle Evan is there, so are Aunt Seri and Aunt Cal.” Joce wanted to see Evan. She needed to have him hold her. She also needed to talk to Seri. Seri had become a sister to her, and she hated to see her sister in pain. Then there was Cal. She was like her brother, terrified, but trying to look calm and collected. She wanted to be there for her when her sister-in-law finally broke. Seri couldn’t handle it, not now, but Joce could.

“Can I come back later?”

“Turtle, I’ll call your mom when you can come back.” Jo was draped across his back, with her head resting on his shoulder. As much as he hated why they were there, he reveled in the feel of his baby near him. “Joce, tell Evan thanks for coming, and for everything he did before he left. I appreciate it, more than you know.”

“He’ll be here in a couple of hours. You know he won’t be able to stay away. You can tell him yourself.”

“I have to get up Turtle.” Jo sat up and leaned against the wall. He sat up, leaned his elbows on his knees and ran his hands through his hair. Why did all hospital floors look like grey egg shells?

“Jo, why don’t you go to Uncle Jim’s room. Uncle Spock is there.” Joce moved the pillow and sat next to Len. She put her hand on his back.

“Alright mommy.” She scrambled off the end of the bed, giving her dad a kiss on the head before leaving the room.

“Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking. I’m not Seri; no matter what you think, I can’t read your mind.”

His hands scratched through his hair before he sat up straight to stretch his back. “I did all the calculations. A human isn’t a tribble, it was easier with the fluffball. Kahn’s blood can heal, but it can’t fix everything. Jim was in stasis, so maybe, just maybe, this formula will work. Joce, I can’t guarantee anything. I’m not God. If he was completely gone, I can’t get him back. But if he wasn’t completely gone then maybe… I don’t know what to do. I know Seri and Jaz say they can feel him and he is dreaming, but I don’t know what that means.”

Seeing him like this hurt her. She could feel his pain. “You’re right, you aren’t God. You are a damn good doctor.” The door opened. I clearly exhausted intern saw the doctor and half ran away from the room. “I’m going to Hell for it, but I love when they do that. Len, no one is expecting you to be God.”

“They’re expecting a miracle.”

“Are they, or are they just hoping?”

He rested his head on her shoulder as she wrapped her arm around him. “Joce, I’m scared. You didn’t see him in that bag. I knew it could happen, but I didn’t really understand what it meant.” He stood and began pacing.

“I saw him in that tube. Len, you don’t know anything yet. Give it time.”

“It’s been fucking two weeks. How much more time before I have to admit nothing is going to change?”

“It takes as long as it takes. What do the monitors say?”

“That he is alive. His heart is beating on its own and he is breathing on his own, but that is all. Brain function is minimal to moderate with little to no change.”

“But there is function above what is needed for autonomous functions?”

“Yes. But not as much above as I would have hoped for. The transfusion is also wreaking havoc with his immune system. His white cell count is lower than I thought it would be. It’s sitting at about twelve hundred.”

“Could that change?” She was talking him through a difficult case. They hadn’t done this since he was at Emory.

“I think so. Something similar happened with the tribble.”

“Tell me more about the tribble.”

Len pulled a chair up and sat across from one his closest friends. “You know I can’t pass up an opportunity to study. Jim wanted me to study what made Kahn the way he was; was he some kind of a superman, or not. I had enough to run a couple small samples through different panel studies. There were abnormalities in his leukocytes. They contained an unknown factor. They didn’t cause leukocytosis when fighting infection, it was as if the ones present attacked the infection like they were an elite military unit. The red blood cells could carry more O2 if necessary. The platelets could stop internal bleeds that normally would require primary intervention. There were enzymes and proteins present that I had never seen in human blood before. It was as if the best of many species were married together to create a super being. It explained the strength and speed. I’m still not sure about the intellect, that would constitute a study of his brain, maybe later.” Joce rubbed his arm to keep him talking. “Scotty’s pet tribble, died. I had been treating the little guy before he passed. He had gotten close to the core after escaping his enclosure and suffered from radiation poisoning. I asked Scotty and he was okay with me using it to see what Kahn’s blood could do. I put it in stasis while I created a platelet serum. Don’t worry, I won’t get into the chemistry of it.”

“Thank you for that.” She lightly smiled at him.

He chuckled. The chemistry part of their discussions was when he would lose Joce. “After I created what I thought might work, I took the ball of fur out of stasis and infused it into a central vein. They don’t have many vessels so I picked the one that moved the most blood. It infused over about a half an hour. Tribbles are pretty small. It didn’t work. I wanted to run a necropsy, but the battle with Kahn started and I put it on hold. I felt Jim…Then they wheeled him in, in the fucking bag. I couldn’t continue to stand. Scotty was in tears and I couldn’t do anything. I sat on the chair next to Chuckles; that was the tribble’s name. I was trying not to cry, but I couldn’t stop the tears. When I opened my eyes, I saw Chuckles breathing. That is when I called to the bridge. I needed that asshole’s blood. I put Jim in stasis. Spock and Nyota got Kahn to me. I took a pint and threw him back into stasis. Don’t worry, it wouldn’t come close to killing him, even with his injuries. The serum I produced for Jim is significantly more complex than the one I used on Chuckles. It is specific to cellular breakdown and mutation due to radiation poisoning. I used all of the blood’s components, not just the platelets. Please, no more jokes or questions about me conquering death. That isn’t what this does. This reverses the effects of radiation poisoning, nothing else.”

“Alright, how are the readings when it comes to that, just to that?”

“The cells all seem to be normal. I can’t find any indications of radiation damage. His white count is little lower than I would have hoped.”

“Could that be because of the type of white blood cells that are at work? You said they are like an elite military force.”

He turned his attention from the floor to the woman in front of him. Joce was the best at this, but then she had years of practice. When he was at Emory, she would talk him through his most complicated case studies. Len could easily get through the most complicated of trauma surgeries, but research needed a sounding board; that was Joce. Seri was his sounding board to get through being the CMO of Starfleet’s flagship, but this was different. Again, he thanked God for the women in his life. “It could. Maybe he doesn’t need higher or normal levels. I look at the monitors, and now I’m not sure what the readings really mean.”

“So, there is the possibility that his body is healing itself?”

“There is. There is also the possibility that this is as good as it gets.”

“But it’s only been two weeks. You said yourself that the serum initially did a number on his system, the radiation definitely did.”

“They both did. He has been off of life support since yesterday.”

“So, his brain is healing.”

“Yes, the cardiac and respiratory systems are doing better. And as you pointed out the brain has to be since the autonomic systems are working. But he is still unconscious. He may never wake.”

“Jo said she can’t feel him.”

“Seri and Jaz can. They have been trying to access his subconscious and they can get in once in a while.”

“Could he be blocking them?”

“I don’t know. They both say this is new territory. I guess it is new territory for all of us. I made the serum from a half pint of the asshole’s blood. It seemed to be more than enough. I don’t know though.”

“No one does. I’m going to say something that you probably will never hear from me again. I don’t want you to get a big head but, you are a brilliant man and a galaxy class scientist. If you can’t do this, I doubt there is anyone who can.” She patted the side of his face.

“Thanks for that. What if I saved him and this is as good as it gets? What if all I did was torture him? He might be better off dead.”

“If he doesn’t wake, or he does and there are issues, we will deal with it then. It is too early to tell. As Seri would tell you, for now it is healthier to go forward as if he will wake and heal.” She got up, moved behind him, and put her arms around his neck. He leaned back on her for a few minutes before getting up and giving her a kiss on the forehead. “Donkey, yesterday was exactly two weeks. Don’t worry yet.”

“I’ll try not to. Thanks sweetie. You are the best ex-wife in the universe.”

“I know.” They both smiled softly as he opened the door for her. The walk to Jim’s room, if not exactly light, had been better than the walk to the on-call room.


	13. chapter 13

Filtered sunlight streamed from the room out into the hall as Len opened Jim’s door. Spock was still there with Jo, Jaz was staring at Jim, and Evan had arrived. Joce almost ran to her husband. He held her close, drinking in her feel. “Have you told them?”

“I told Jo, Mama, and Jim. I thought we could make the general announcement later.”

“I’ll talk to Len.” He let go of his wife, not taking his eyes from the doctor. Len met him half way. Evan grab onto him, holding his brother tight, not wanting to let go. He was here and safe.

“I’m alright, I promise.” Len was grateful the man was there. He needed Evan to anchor him. “I’m better than the other week.”

“I know. I just needed to touch you.”

“I know.” Len could feel Evan touch his mind. It wasn’t an intrusion; they had long ago agreed to this closeness. A mind meld was a different thing. It was needed after Vulcan was destroyed, now they just needed reassurance. “You wanted to talk?” He couldn’t tell what the man wanted to talk about, but he could feel his need.

Evan released Len. “Can we step into the hall?”

They walked out of the room and into the vacant hall. “Let me guess, Tucker burned down the outbuilding with the tractors again.”

Ev remembered when that happened years ago. He had to comm Len to explain why whey needed new equipment and a new garage. “Not this time. But he did say he is going to look over a few things with the stream and he saw something at the Perettis’ farm. With the stream it was something about dredging and maybe rerouting the stream and taking it through their woods. I…well Joce and I wanted to let you know she’s pregnant. I know it’s soon, but we thought it would take time. I guess it happened right before we left. I mean I’m not exactly sure how.”

“Medical science is amazing. They know what causes it now. I can explain it to you if you want.” He was trying not to laugh.

“Smartass, that’s not what I meant. Last time it took several injections and hitting her cycle at exactly the right time. This time it just happened.”

Len started to laugh as he gave the man a bear hug. “Congratulations! Do you know what the sex is? Not that it really matters. If I remember correctly, Vulcans’ sex is determined at conception.”

“It is. It’s a boy. Crystal is going to have a brother.”

“Do you think Joce would mind if I ran a few scans and sent them to Gwen?”

“And it starts. She said you would worry.”

“It’s just who I am. Besides, the Vulcan thing makes it more high risk.”

“Joce wants Jim and Cal to be the godparents.”

“Hopefully she can have that. Ev, thanks for everything. I mean it. That talk we had couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It was fine. But I feel better being here. Len, Tuck didn’t hesitate at all.”

“Yeah, he’s a good man.” Len looked at the ceiling, he needed to maintain his composure if he was to go back in as Dr. McCoy. “You and Joce should take Jo and Jaz back. She needs a shower and a good breakfast, and he needs a break. The past few days have been more intense for Seri and him. Jim’s thoughts are clearer, more intense.”

“And you want to go over everything for the thousandth time.”

“Something like that.”

“You know Spock won’t leave?”

“I know. He is here almost all day every day, and Uhura stays for hours more than she needs. Scotty, God it is all I can do to get him to leave. I told him the engineers assigned to the repairs could fuck up his modifications. That should keep him occupied for at least a week. I don’t think those three are in the rotation anymore.”

“Mama said something about that. She wants them to rest whenever they get the chance. She has Scotty helping her around the house. George told me about what Spock and Uhura did.”

“You know Scotty and both of them watched Jim die?” Len looked hurt by that fact.

“They watched him, but you felt him.”

“I know. It was like a sudden void, an absence.”

“We need to talk.”

“I should introduce you to my favorite coffee shop. How about tomorrow? You have to be tired.”

“I am. I had to transfer shuttles twice to get here. Then I was questioned by the guards at the landing site and then again at the Academy entrance. That was fun. They couldn’t find my ID for almost half an hour. George had to come to the gate.”

“He must have loved that.”

“He was just a ball of joy. But yes, I am tired. I just needed to see my girls and you. Ben has Crystal now. Something about going back to the playground.”

“The last patch of normalcy for Demora.”

“Once I’m up I’ll make sure the cargo boxes are sent to the farm. Tuck is also overseeing the completion of the bungalows. I’ll get him to set them up for the gang. I just need to know who will be staying there.”

“I’m sure Sarah has that list. Most of them don’t have anywhere to go.”

“Sarah will have it all organized. You’re stalling.”

“I know. Let’s go.”

Evan opened the door for Len to walk in. The doctor took a deep breath before walking into the room. “Joce, Jojo we should go back. Jaz why don’t you come with us, grab some breakfast.”

Jaz knew that Evan was trying to clear the room as much as possible. “Let me talk to Lenny. I’ll catch up with you. Len come here.”

They walked to the corner of the room. Spock moved closer to the bed. “Dad, is there something wrong?”

“No, it has changed. Len, this morning it was as if he was just sleeping. His thoughts are in the past, but his feelings are also in the present. Before it was as if it was all in what I call the shadows. I could feel him, see is dreams, but there was a scrim curtain between us. Now that curtain is gone. Keep an eye on his readings, I think they might change today. Its just a feeling but…””

“Your feelings are more than useful. I’ll keep an eye on him. Can you take Seri for tea? I want her to decompress.”

“I need some daughter time. See you later kid.” Jaz left for the house. Len and Spock were alone.

“Doctor, I have to go see Admiral Nachieve. He has requested my observations regarding the captain’s handling of the Admiral Marcus issue.”

“And he wants to know if we will keep our mouths closed when it comes to the public.”

“I believe, as you say, that ship has already sailed.”

“Yeah, my granddaddy used to say two people can keep a secret providing one of them is dead.”

“I saw reports on various news networks. They were discussing the role Admiral Marcs’ actions played in the London bombing and on what has happened to the Enterprise and San Francisco.”

“We must look like idiots to them.”

“On the contrary, we are being touted as heroes. The captain in particular has been singled out. I believe the Admiral wants to have the particulars for the public relations department.”

“No one has asked to see me.”

“I have been fielding questions that pertain to your involvement during the engagement.”

“Thank you, Spock. It’s more than appreciated.” There was a spike on one of the wall screens that caught Len’s attention. “Well, fuck me, he was right. Spock, stay over here.” Spock moved to a spot between Len and the door. He couldn’t see the captain as Len moved from one screen to another. The readings were changing rapidly. Neural output, heart rate, and respiration were all rising. Blood pressure was coming up but remained within the normal range. Jaz was right, there were definite changes. He wasn’t showing any indications of being in a coma, hell the numbers on the screens weren’t showing any indications anything had happened to him. Len moved from the wall to the bed and back again. He grabbed the scanner and its PADD before turning back to the bed.

Voices, they had been getting clearer, more distinct. Flashes of memories, real and imagined. Ghost that haunted him from the day of his birth. Pike’s voice boomed in his head; “I dare you to do better.” Jim’s eyes flew open. He took a couple of shaky breaths as he got his bearings. He wasn’t on the ship, but he was in a medical setting. It was bright, almost too bright. He turned his head, Bones. He wasn’t dead.

“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic, you were barely dead. It’s the transfusion that really took its toll. You were out cold for two weeks.” The doctor had been scanning Jim as he talked.

“Transfusion?” Jim’s voice was softer than usual and a little raspy. The doctor loved the sound.

“Your cells were heavily irradiated. We had no choice.” He continued to scan, searching the readings for any anomalies.

“Kahn?”

“Once we caught him, I synthesized the serum from his super blood. Tell me are you feeling homicidal, power mad, despotic?”

“No more than usual. How did you catch him?” Jim’s color was good, but he was showing signs of fatigue.

“I didn’t.” With that Len stepped aside.

Spock stepped forward. Jim looked at his friend. No one outside of the family would have seen the fear in the Vulcan’s eyes. Fear that was only now starting to give way to calm. “You saved my life.”

Len had walked around the bed to study the new readings on the portable monitor. “Uhura and I had something to do with it too you know.” Jim gave him a look of brotherly irritation before turning back to Spock.

“You saved my life Captain and the lives of…” His rigid stance was used to project a level of professionalism.

“Spock just…Thank you.” Jim was tiring, but he needed Spock to know how he felt.

“You are welcome Jim.” What passed for a smile set on Spock’s lips. Len continued to make sure the readings were within the parameters he had calculated while Spock took a seat near the bed. The two of them stayed with Jim until he fell asleep.

Len commed Seri to let her know Jim had woken up and was able to talk. He told her not to rush over since he had fallen back to sleep. With that McCoy took a deep breath. They weren’t out of the woods, but it was a damn sight better than it had been the past couple of weeks. “Spock, why don’t you go back to the house?”

“You should go back Leonard. You have not been there in days. I do not require as much sleep as a human. Is there something wrong with the readings?”

“No, the readings are good. They are surprisingly normal given the circumstances. His blood pressure is a little high for him, but still in the normal range. I’ll have Chris come and stay for a few hours. She can keep me updated. You’re right there’s not much I can do right now. I need a long hot shower and a meal that I’m not eating at a desk. I’ll be back later this afternoon. Call me if there are any changes. I’ll send Nyota over.”

“There is no need.”

“I’m going to do it anyway. Oh shit, the admiral. You need to go.”

“I shall call him with the newest development. I can have my meeting over the comm.”

“Are you sure? I can stay here until you get back.”

“The admiral had suggested it when he scheduled the meeting. It was I who insisted on a face to face meeting.”

“Face to face? Spock you are sounding more human every day.”

“Doctor, there is no reason for you to be insulting.”

“Nevermind Spock.” He clapped the man on the shoulder. “Call me if you need to go to the meeting.” With that McCoy left Medical. For the first time in weeks he felt like he could breathe. Jim was alive and talking. He was out of his coma. There was still a long road ahead, but at least now that road existed.


	14. chapter 14

Jim slept for hours. His dreams took him to Iowa, Frank and his mother screaming at each other, Charlie throwing himself in front of Frank’s fist so Jim wouldn’t get hit, the teacher’s ignoring his black eye, his mother telling him to do better so Frank wouldn’t get angry. Slowly Iowa melted away to become Georgia, Mama holding him as they stood among the irrigation pipes, Len and he sitting on the veranda talking about him having the rooms he was in as his own, meeting Cal, having Cal hold him, riding with Jo as she learned how to control the horse for dressage, holding his niece on the porch when she fought sleep then carrying her to bed, learning how to effectively debate a point from George and Jaz. Then he woke.

Spock was sitting next to the bed with his hand on Jim’s arm. “Thank you, Spock.”

“Captain…”

“Jim, Spock, for now its just Jim. I need that.”

Spock nodded his understanding. “You were having a nightmare. I thought this would help. I hope I did not overstep.”

“You didn’t. Evan would have done the same thing.” He took a deep breath as he turned his attention to the ceiling. “Please don’t.”

“I am sorry Jim. I do not understand.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me.”

“Why would I feel sorry for you? I do not understand.”

“I am weak.”

“You have been in a bed for two weeks. I believe Dr. McCoy would say that is expected.”

“That’s not what I…It doesn’t matter. You should go back to the house. You seem tired.”

Spock knew it wasn’t true. He would talk to the doctor about the conversation he had just had. “I shall be back tomorrow morning. I will let Nurse Chapel know I am leaving.”

“You don’t have to.” Jim turned his attention from the ceiling to the windows. The sun was setting. The shades of orange and pink that flooded the sky, poured into the room.

“The doctor wants someone with you until he is comfortable with your progress.”

“Fine. Tell him I don’t need a baby sitter.”

“I shall relay your feelings on the matter.” With that Spock stood. He gave Jim a long look before leaving the room. He wasn’t good at reading human emotions. He would tell Leonard what Jim had said and see the doctor’s reaction. On his way out he told Christine Jim asked him to leave. She headed to the room.

Spock arrived at the house to Len finishing dinner. “What are you doing back?”

“Leonard may we speak?” He motioned to the back of the house.

Len wiped his mouth before following behind Spock. He motioned the Vulcan into his bedroom. “Here, we can talk in here.”

The door was closed as the men walked to the foot of the bed. “Jim wanted me to leave. I do not understand why. He was having a nightmare. I used touch telepathy to change his nightmare into pleasant dreams. When he woke, he was thankful for that.” Len listened intently. “He then stated he didn’t want me to feel sorry for him. He seemed to feel that I felt pity for his condition, that he was weak.”

“This may be a stupid question, but at anytime did you show him you felt that way?”

“No. I could not show that because I do not feel that. I do not understand what I did incorrectly.”

“I doubt you did anything wrong Spock. I’ll go over. I will talk to him. Don’t worry, this isn’t abnormal. We humans are confusing at times.” The raised eyebrow made McCoy laugh. “It will take time, but it will be alright. I promise. Mama made some vegetarian dish just for you. Eat and go spend some time with Nyota. Jaz and Seri are taking some time to talk, you two should as well.”

“Thank you, Leonard.” The men left the room, Spock to eat dinner and Len to take a walk to medical. He grabbed the PADD before leaving the house. The sun was setting more rapidly. It was going to be a long evening.

The walk across the yard was filled with thoughts of all that had to be done that evening. Chris had been sending him all of the readings, everything from neural functions to urine output were within normal parameters. Len looked at the PADD one last time. Hell, if he didn’t know better, he would swear the patient in the PADD had never had a single thing wrong with him in his entire life. Even signs of the old fractures were gone, though there did seem to be some residual muscle weakness.

He entered the building. Got on the lift and allowed for the retinal scan. The doors opened to the same blinding white lights that had greeted him every day for the past two weeks. Hopefully rehab would go well enough to take him home. His body might look good on the PADD, but the doctor knew his stamina along with the muscle strength would most likely be diminished. Chris met him at the door. “He’s still asleep. Len, Spock said…”

“He talked to me. Don’t worry. Thanks.” Quietly he opened the door. It was almost dark, but some orange still remained in the sky to light the room. McCoy looked at the figure in the bed and took a shaky, deep breath. “Lights thirty percent.” Jim could always sleep through lights being turned on. Only sun streaming in his bedroom window seemed to wake him.

It had been approximately eight hours since Jim had awakened from his coma. Though he looked exactly as he had during the weeks after he was out of stasis, the monitors told the doctor that his patient was sleeping and not still comatose. He looked at the sleeping man; his heart rate still rose at the sight. McCoy knew it would take a while for the response to cease, so for now he would simply have to remind himself, Jim was only asleep.

Len went to the side of the bed and began to look at the readings. He adjusted the flow of several medications that were being delivered intravenously. He had stopped looking at Jim, he couldn’t handle seeing him asleep, not yet. After making the adjustments and recording the readings, he turned to leave for his office. A hand on his arm stopped him. “Don’t go, please.” He turned toward the bed, in the younger man’s eyes he saw fear, a deep fear he had seen only a few times before this, and never with Jim.

He took Jim’s hand into his. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” With his other hand he lowered the side rail and sat on the bed. Jim started to shake. “Door lock.”

“Authorization code needed.”

“Damn it!”

“Code not recognized.”

“Authorization code McCoy2566alpha.”

“Authorization accepted. Door locked.”

Jim hadn’t taken his eyes from Len, but the doctor wondered if he was seeing him or his nightmare. “Jimmy, it’s me. You’re safe.”

“Make it stop. Please, I can’t make it stop.” The shaking was worse.

Len took Jim into his arms, holding his brother to him. “It’s alright. Cry, scream, anything you need, there’s no one to hear you. There’s no one here but me. You’re safe. You don’t have to be Captain Kirk, not now. I’ve got you.” The doctor could hear the racking sobs as Jim allowed McCoy to keep him from falling so far that he couldn’t come back from the fear.

At one point the younger man buried his face into the doctor’s chest and screamed. The scream lasted until the air in his lungs ran out. Len placed his hand behind Jim’s head as he tucked it under his chin. He rocked him gently back and forth until Jim was too weak to continue. Finally, the younger man was calm enough to talk, his voice soft and raspy. “I can’t get past the fear. I was so scared. Spock was there, and I could feel you and Seri, but I was alone. Funny, I could feel you, in that moment I could feel you in my head and chest. I still felt alone. Bones you could have been next to me, and I would have been alone. God, don’t let anyone know. Please don’t tell anyone.”

He lessened his grip on Jim. They leaned back enough to look each other in the eye, but never lost their hold. “It is said that we are born alone and we die alone. I don’t believe that. I know you felt alone, but you weren’t. I felt you, I knew what happened before Scotty brought you to me. I was there, with you, so were Seri, and Spock. You didn’t die alone.”

Jim clutched to him again. It was as if he couldn’t let go or Len would vanish and this would all be an illusion. Len cradled him again, allowing Jim to feel his physical presence “I thought about Cal and Jo. What would they say when they heard? Would they hate me for leaving them? Bones, I didn’t want to leave them. They were my last thought.”

“I know. Cal has been here every day. Yesterday Jo crawled onto the bed with you. When you were still in the tube, that baby would tell you everything about her school and the farm. Neither one ever gave up on you. Jim, we are all a part of you. You aren’t alone.”

He rested his head on Len’s shoulder. “My dad was braver than me, that’s for damn sure. He wasn’t scared. He was strong, not like me.”

“How do you know that? He may have been terrified, but he had no one to lean on, you did. Jim, you still do. You haven’t been alone for more than ten minutes since you got here. Even when you were in that tube, they wouldn’t leave you alone.”

“I was so scared.”

“What were you afraid of?” Len knew the answer, but wanted Jim to come to terms with the fear.

“I don’t know. Being alone, dying alone?”

“Do you think that is it?” 

Jim laid back exhausted. He looked at Len for a long time before he spoke again. “No. I was afraid of the unknown.”

“Do you see that as a normal reaction?” He took Jim’s hand.

“Not for me. Len, that scares me. Right now, that’s what is scaring me.” With his free hand he rubbed the tears from his face. “You might be able to sell the serum you used on me as a beard growth retardant. I thought I would have a full beard by now.”

Len accepted the captain was changing the subject; for the time being anyway. “No, that was Joce.” He let go of Jim’s hand. “You had a full beard. Not as thick as mine gets, but a full one.” Kirk smiled at the jab. “She shaved you the night before you woke. Scared an aid as well. He told her she shouldn’t be in here alone, and needed to leave.”

“That must have gone over well.”

“She used her full name. From what the nurse on duty told me the aid was shaking as he got her a shaving kit and water.”

“She picked that up from you. Len?”

“Yes?” He pushed Jim’s hair off his forehead.

“Do you think this will ever stop? I can’t go back to having nightmares every night.”

“It will, but you need to talk to a counselor.”

Jim looked out the window. The orange was almost completely gone and the lights had started to come on. “I hate them. They’re going to make me into some dissertation. All they do is fucking use people.”

“I’ll tell Seri, Mama, and Cal how you feel.” Len hoped the injection of humor would defuse Jim’s mood.

Jim looked back. “You know what I mean. They are going to insist I talk to one of their people. I’m going to insist it be Cal.”

Len became very serious. “As your doctor, I think Seri would be the better choice. She can lead your dream, get you past the abject fear. After that you can go to Mama. They will accept any licensed practitioner will the proper qualifications, as long as you aren’t related. Trust me when I tell you our mother is over qualified.”

“I just can’t go through what happened after Tarsus IV. Do you think Mama would take me on? I know we are close. Is it a bad idea?”

Len knew his mother was a better counselor than his sister. It wasn’t that Cal was any less gifted, it was just that she lacked the experience, and this was going to be a tough case. “I think she would do it without hesitation. Let Cal be there for you after each secession. You’ll need a friend then.” He knew they were more than friends. Cal couldn’t counsel Jim, neither could Seri, they were too close and couldn’t be objective. Seri could lead his dream, but she shouldn’t be Jim’s counselor. His mother was a different story. She was shockingly able to compartmentalize. She could counsel Jim through this and still be his mother when needed. The counselor would appear and the mother would leave when the office door closed.

“Can you tell her I need to talk to her. I think I need something now, even if it’s just a start.”

“You can tell her tonight. She’s staying. She said we all need to sleep in real beds tonight, but I don’t want you left alone that long.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Humor me.” His eyebrow shot up.

“I love you too. When do you think I can get this fucking catheter out?” Jim was squirming a little.

Len let go of his hand. “That was one of the things I was looking at. Your kidney function seems to be normal, and your urine output looks good.” He got up, brought over a male urinal, and put it on Jim’s tray. “Normally I would have a nurse do this, but I think it might be better if I did this time.” He knew Jim couldn’t handle many more people touching him.

“Thanks.”

“Just so you know, if you can’t urinate on your own, I’m putting it back in. I’ll come back if I need to. It isn’t a problem.”

“Fair enough.”

Len threw on gloves, grabbed a towel and gently placed it under Jim’s penis to catch anything that might drip. He emptied the bag as his patient stared at the ceiling grasping at the sheets on the mattress. None of this was helping Jim’s anxiety. Len took the antibacterial wipe from the counter and wiped him down. “Don’t worry, I promise it won’t hurt.” He grabbed the kit from the cabinet and took something out before walking to the bed.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” Jim saw a rather large needle in the doctor’s hand and was trying to squirm his way further up the bed despite to get away.

“Stop screaming. You’re going to have the entire fucking floor in here. It’s to deflate the damn balloon. What did you think I was going to stick it in your dick?”

“It was going in that general direction.” He slid down the mattress until he was in his original spot.

Len readjusted the towel. The needle was stuck into the port and the water drained completely from the balloon. “Alright, this may burn a little. You think they would have come up with a better design over the centuries. I’ll be gentle.”

“Not like you usually are?” Jim smiled lightly.

Len’s voice softened to a whisper as his eyes and facial features softened. “No, not today.” Gently he pulled the catheter out, before discarding it in the trash can where he had thrown the bag and wipe. The gloves were thrown away and his hands washed. He entered the volume of urine collected into the chart before he forgot the amount; if he had forgotten the head nurse would have killed him. Jim was wiped off and covered. “It will most likely burn the first few times you pee. It’s normal but let them know anyway. Make sure you leave the urinal for the nurse. He will need to record the volume.”

“Maybe you could come up with something better than that damned thing? Len…”

“Maybe. It’s important to get the volume numbers correct or we won’t know if anything is wrong.”

“Len…”

“I’m hoping you won’t have too much trouble with this. PT will be in later to assess your leg strength, see if you can stand.”

Jim took Len’s hand. “Thank you. I mean it. I said it before, but I need you to understand I mean it about more than saving my life. I mean it about everything. Please get some rest tonight. Make love to your fiancé, take a hot shower and really rest. I’ll be alright. Mama will be here with me so you know I’ll be taken care of the way you would want. Please take care of yourself. Thank you for keeping Cal away today.” He could see the fear and exhaustion in his best friend.

“Jim, you don’t have to say thank you. Her staying away was all Kat. She told my hard headed sister that she was no good to you if she was emotionally exhausted, and one day away wouldn’t kill her. I’ll try to rest. We can talk more tomorrow if you want.”

“Will you tell me what happened after I died?”

“We’ll talk. Good night kiddo, I love you.”

Jim let go of his hand. “I love you too. Now get going. I don’t want to see you until tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Len stood up. Part of him wanted to stay, but after this conversation he desperately needed Seri. “Good night. Unlock door McCoy2566alpha.”

“Door unlocked.” Len rolled his eyes. The computer voice had to go.

Before Len could reach the door, Lena walked in. “It’s about time you unlocked that. Lenny get your ass back to the bungalow. Jim, tonight it’s you and me. We are going to get you cleaned up.”

“Mama, I took out the catheter. Let the nurses know if he can’t urinate. I’ll tell them what I did on my way out.”

“Don’t worry Pumpkin, I have this under control. And no going to help at the civilian hospitals. Go to bed.”

“Yes ma’am. Good night Jim.”

“Night Bones.” Len left for the bungalow letting the night shift know about the catheter on his way out. Jim looked at his mom. “I know Len won’t tell me, what happened after I died?”

Lena kissed Jim on the forehead, sat down, and took a deep breath. “Ask me anything. I’ll answer, then we’ll talk.”


	15. chapter 15

Lena was right, Len needed a night to decompress. His heart rate was still elevated as he walked across the campus. The stress was slowly killing him and that wasn’t doing anyone any good. Street lights glistened off the puddles as they filtered rainbows through faceted glass globes. How could they look so beautiful? Nothing had changed on the medical building quad in decades, but on the other side of the building lay complete devastation. Seri had been spending time at the civilian hospitals. She said it was because she felt she could be of use there. Len knew it was avoidance. Tomorrow he would take her to see her baby brother.

  
Honey warm light poured out of the bungalow windows as the doctor walked up the front stairs. Cal was sitting at the counter when he walked in. “Hi idiot.”

“Hey kiddo. What’s going on?” Len grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before joining his sister. A hot shower and a scotch were what he had been hoping for, but this was far more important. Cal would never know he wanted nothing more than just to rest.

“How is he?”

“Awake, better than he was.” He took a swig, eyes never leaving her. “What’s this about?”

“I don’t know. I can’t seem to bring myself to go see him. He must hate me.”

“He doesn’t hate you. I told him you were there every day.” Her eyes gave away all of her fears. “Cal, he is still Jim.”

“I know.” His eyebrow shot up. “I really do know. Lenny, I’m scared. Every day… never mind.” She looked at the tea in her cup.

“Don’t do that. I know you’re scared, so am I.” Cal’s head snapped up. “Today I walked into that room, and he was asleep. My heart rate went through the roof. I knew he was asleep, but part of me saw him dead in a bag, then in a coma hooked up to a vent. It’s normal. It sucks, but it’s normal.”

“I just need to go there. I need to walk into that room, see him, touch him, talk to him.”

“Afraid so. Want me to go with you?” He took a deep gulp, almost emptying the bottle.

“No.”

“Wait until morning. I think he wants to talk to Mama tonight.”

“Really?”

“He needs to.”

“What’s going on with him?”

“Cal, I can’t…”

“I’m sorry. I know. I overstepped. It won’t happen again.” She stood to leave.

A large hand held hers in place. “Don’t be sorry. You care. You love him, hell Cal you’re in love with him. But you know I can’t tell you. You need to ask him. This isn’t going to be easy.”

“I know.” She sat back down.

“Do you? Cal, do you really understand what can happen with him?” Len needed to know if she understood what the next moths would hold.

“Physically, no, but you can go over it with me later. Psychologically, yes. You know I’m a pretty good therapist?” When she smiled at him like she did, Caroline looked exactly like her brother.

“So, I’ve been told time and time again. Trust me, the head of Starfleet medical never passes up an opportunity to tell me what a remarkable sister I have. I’m proud of you kiddo, always have been. And yes, all kidding aside, I know how good a therapist you are.”

“I know at least the next year is going to be a rollercoaster. He’s going to hate everyone at least once; well maybe not Jo or the other kids, but everyone else. We will all be idiots and he will never be the man he was. I know what’s coming.”

“Doesn’t make it any easier.”

“It doesn’t. I can’t wait until we head home. We can get him involved in things there.”

“A soft start back into life?”

“Something like that. What do you think his chances are of getting back to his old self physically?” The therapist was joining the conversation.

Len removed his hand from hers. “I don’t know. The scans say he can, but it will be an uphill climb. His muscles are weakened. If he falls into a depression then he may not come back completely.”

“Alright, got it. Len, if he is to get through this we need to work together.”

“Agreed, but you need to have him tell me that. If he doesn’t…”

“Then you can’t tell me anything. I know. I’ll get him to tell you to talk to me. Len, I don’t want to lose him.”

“Neither do I.” He took her hand again and kissed it. “I understand how you feel.”

“I know. I’ll go to him in the morning. I’ll tell Jake I’m taking his watch.”

“Alright, but he’ll want to come sooner than the three-hour mark.”

“I know. I just want to be there when he wakes.”

“Comm Mama.” Len looked around. The door to his bedroom was open and the light was off. Also, he couldn’t feel Seri. “Have you seen my fiancé?”

“She said she’d be back in a couple of hours.”

“When was that?”

“A couple of hours ago. Jojo is in bed, actually everyone else is in bed.”

“You should get to bed. I’m going to get a shower. Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Waiting up for me.”

“I wanted to see you. I love you idiot.”

“I love you too baby.” He stood, walked around the counter and kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you for everything.”

Cal watched her big brother as he left for bed. Growing up she never thought she could love any man as much as she loved him. Jim changed that. She couldn’t lose him. Cal took a hot shower before crawling under the covers. The sheets were unusually soft for Starfleet. Sarah must have rewashed all of them. The family coming was the best thing that could have happened. They were helping in ways none of them would ever understand.

Lena looked at Jim. He had been watching her every move as she rearranged the chairs until she could use one as a foot stool. “Len would be upset if I didn’t at least put my feet up.”

“You don’t need to be here. I’m fine alone.”

She sat on the side of the bed where Len had been earlier. “I thought we didn’t lie to each other.”

“I’m sorry. Mama, I’m not used to feeling this way. I don’t know how I feel.”

She played with his fingers as if he was a child who needed his mother to calm him. Jim had never had a mother treat him with compassion, or unconditional love. Lena had always been more of a mother to him than Winona. “Do you think you need to feel a certain way?” She held fast to his hand as they captured each other’s eyes.

“Maybe. Mama, I’m, I’m scared.”

“Alright. Jimmy, does that bother you?”

“I am not afraid of anything. Captain Kirk can’t be afraid.”

“Oh, that’s not true. We are all afraid of things, even the great Captain Kirk.”

“Not according to Starfleet. According to them I’m reckless, fearless.”

“And what do you think?”

“Pike said I didn’t earn the chair. I sure didn’t earn it in that meeting. He’d be alive if I had earned it, if I were mature.”

“Do you think you could have anticipated what was going to happen any faster than you did?”

“I should have seen it coming.”

“Spock said you saw it before anyone else.”

“You talked to Spock?”

“You think I only have two sons?” Her smile was soft and loving. “I have, and Scotty and Uhura. They all love you very much.”

“I know. I love them too. I’m not used to that.”

“To what?”

“People who love me even when I fuck up. Mama, what happened after I died?”

“Well, Kahn came for the Academy. The Enterprise was safe, but he wanted to kill everyone. He was so angry. He wanted to crash that monstrosity, but he couldn’t control it. It took out Alcatraz and most of the wharf district. Offices, apartments, most of the skyscrapers on the other side of medical, all gone.” Her fingers had found their way to his pulse point so she would know how upset he was becoming.

“How many dead?”

“No one knows yet. Most likely tens of thousands.”

“Because of me.”

“Why because of you?”

“I wasn’t good enough. I didn’t end him. I didn’t see who he was soon enough.”

“Who?”

“Admiral Marcus; Scotty knew, he knew something wasn’t right. But I was Captain, and I was stupid.”

“Stupid?”

“Angry, I was angry and that made me stupid.”

“I’m not so sure stupid is the correct word. How about impulsive?”

“Sure, we’ll go with impulsive.” Jim looked away from her face to where their hands joined. “Pike was right.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think it applied to what happened here.”

“I did this.”

“James T Kirk, look at me.” He looked up. “You didn’t do this. Marcus did this, Kahn did this. I have a question for you, and I don’t want you to answer yet. I want you to think about it.”

Tears fell from his eyes, making their way down his cheeks until they spilled onto the sheet. “Alright.”

“Are you the same man who ran with Len through a red forest, flew into a volcano, ignored your chief engineer, put themselves and others in danger for nothing but revenge?”

“I am…”

“I told you not to answer. I want you to give that question some real thought. I want you to think about the man you were, and the man you are now. Then we will talk about it later.”

“Yes Mama.”

“Jimmy,” She ran her fingers down the side of his face, wiping away the tears. “I want you to know that I am proud of you, and I love you with all my heart. You are our Jimmy.” She held him in her arms, rocking him until he drifted off to sleep.

Lena lowered the head of the bed so Jim wasn’t sitting up quite as much. Covers were arranged before she sat in her chair. He would blame himself. A man with his childhood would make everything his fault. He didn’t understand that Kahn would have destroyed the entire Academy and all of Starfleet had the Enterprise not done the damage it had to the Vengeance. She had been talking to those involved, but she also read reports that Spock had left on his PADD. George would say she was picking up bad habits from Jimmy. She closed her eyes. If he woke, she would hear.

Seri walked into an almost completely dark house. There was a small light on next to the front door. The only other light came from under her bedroom door. She hung up her coat, grabbed a glass of water, and quietly opened the bedroom door. Steam poured into the room from the bathroom. After placing the glass on her night stand, she stripped, locked the door to the hallway, then joined her fiancé in the shower. Her arms encircled his waist as her head rested on his back. “That’s better.”

“Mmmmm, I’ve been looking forward to this.” He turned so his back was to the water.

Seri loved how he towered over her. His hands flitted up her back as she put her head on his chest. “I couldn’t wait to get home to you.”

“Let’s finish washing. Then we can relax.” They washed each other gently before drying and climbing into bed. Seri put her head on Len’s chest. “I thought we could talk.”

“I know I’ve been blocking you. There was a lot going on today.”

“I know. I was blocking you as well. Peaches, you can’t keep avoiding him.”

“I know. I just…I don’t know.”

“You don’t want him to be different?”

“I don’t want him to not be him. I’ve been blocking him.” She snuggled in further.

“He is Jim.”

“But not who he was. I could feel that before he woke.”

“Is that so bad?” He chuckled at the thought.

“No, I know he is still Jimmy. I’ll go see him.”

“When?”

“Tomorrow.”

“When? Cal is going in the early morning.” He kissed her on the top of the head.

“I’ll go at 8:00. Jake can go after me, maybe at 9:00.”

“I’ll comm him. Cal wanted to be there when Jim wakes up. She knows he usually wakes at 6:00.”

“Yeah. Let me.” She turned over, grabbed the PADD from the nightstand, and sent a message to Jake. “There, now we can relax.”

Len could feel the tension in all of her muscles. “It was that bad?”

“There weren’t as many casualties as I expected. So, yeah, it was that bad.”

“Most of the casualties incinerated. Before you say it, I know you know that.”

“I guess I was just hoping I was wrong. Starfleet is sending help from all over the system. They’ll help the survivors starting tomorrow.”

“Then you can give us a hand?”

“Yes.” She held him tighter. “I hope we can go home soon.”

“So do I.”

“Uncle George had the containers that were filled sent to the farm. Sarah is having the guest houses set up so the gang can feel a little better. Demora will love being with the animals.”

“I see the kitten is here.”

“Yeah. Spock seems to have found an animal after his own heart.”

Len laughed at the observation. “They do seem to understand each other. Come here.” He tilted her head up to capture her lips in a slow kiss. “God, I need you.” That night they made love slow and deliberate. Each needed to feel the other, to lose themselves in the feel. The world was falling down around them, but in their bed was safe.

Len entered her, feeling her envelop him in every way. “I love you Len.” He was soft and slow as he buried his face in her neck and she gently ran her fingers up and down his back. Every touch was electric. They were one a team. Seri came twice wrapping her legs around Len’s waist. The second time he had to cover her mouth with his before her moans could be heard throughout the house. He loved when she got loud, but he didn’t want to explain it to Jojo or Demora. When he came he buried his face in her neck. He started to move off of her as soon as he was done, but she held him tighter. “Don’t.”

“Alright.” He snuggled in as close as he could while she ran her fingers through his hair. “This is what I need.”

“I know. I do too. Len?”

He leaned onto his forearms. Her eyes always amazed him, black but warm. “What baby?”

“I don’t know if I told you, but I’m proud of you.”

“Even if I’m not proud of me?”

“Doesn’t matter.” She was smiling up at him. “You are amazing. I promise you one day you’ll see it.”

“I doubt that. I’m proud of you too Peaches. Still don’t know why you agreed to marry me. Honestly it makes me question your judgement sometimes.”

“I don’t know? Have you seen how some of the interns look at you? Some of them are wondering what is under the uniform.”

“Are you sure? I thought they were scared of me. I worked hard for that.” Gently he pushed her hair off her forehead.

“Oh, don’t worry they are. You have a bit of a reputation. Doesn’t mean a few of them wouldn’t want to ride you like…”

“That’s enough.” Seri was giggling. “Are you sure?” McCoy looked genuinely confused.

“I’m a Betazoid. Of course, I’m sure. I won’t tell you which ones.”

“Good.” He rolled off of her before pulling her to him. “Lights off.” Seri put her head on his chest. They both slept sound through the night. They would need it to get through the next few days.


	16. chapter 16

Cal’s alarm went off at 05:00. She did her hair the way she knew Jim liked it, pulled off her face but cascading down her back. Seri had offered some more clothes, but she had forgotten to grab them. Scrubs would do. The only makeup she had was what was in her purse. Jim never cared if she wore it, but this morning she wanted to look rested. He needed to see her at her best, not the way she had looked these weeks.

A dense fog enveloped her on the walk across the common to the hospital. Retinal scans were easier than the badges. The lift doors opened onto the floor. Quietly she opened his door. It was dark except for the light ribbon that stretched from under the bathroom door. Mama was asleep on the chairs. Jim’s breathing was soft but steady. Gently she put her hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Morning sleepy.”

Lena startled under her daughter’s touch. “Good morning baby.”

“My turn. Go get some real sleep.”

“He’s been restless most of the night, but only one nightmare.” Lena stood, kissed Cal on the cheek, then left quietly. She didn’t want to wake Jim. He hadn’t gotten much real sleep and she wanted him to get as much as possible.

Cal looked out the window towards the bungalows. The lights on the quad looked as if they shown through white cotton candy. The first year they shared at the Academy Jim had taken her to the pier. He bought her a red hot, and a cotton candy that was twice the size of her head. They had spent the entire day laughing. That night they made love, both of them at home in each other’s arms.

Jim shifted in bed. He started to talk. He wasn’t good enough; Frank was right, he was always right. “Lights fifty percent.” She walked to the bed. “Jimmy, Jimmy you can wake up now. It’s ok, it’s Cal.” She touched his foot. Jim’s eyes snapped open. “Jimmy, it’s me; see.” Cal lowered the bed rail. “It’s me baby. You’re safe.”

“Cal?” Was she there or was it a delusion cause by the serum?

“Yes.” She pushed the hair off his face. “I’m here.” She took his hand in hers before sitting next to him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Her hand was as soft as the rose petals she played with during the summer. He had missed the feel of her skin, not just its softness, but its warmth. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Coming here.”

“God, don’t do that. Don’t ever thank me for this. I…” Tears spilled down her cheeks. “I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t lose you. I need you. I just don’t know anymore. Cal…” His blue eyes bore into her green ones. “I’m losing.”

“What are you losing?”

“Me.”

It took all her self-control not to look shocked at the admission. “Lean on me. I won’t let that happen.” She kissed the back of his hand.

“Cal, I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to be here.” He looked down at their hands.

“James T. Kirk, when have you ever known me to do something I didn’t want to do.” She lifted his chin to look at her. “I want to be here. I don’t ever want to leave. I’m sorry I wasn’t here yesterday. Stupid as it sounds, I was scared.”

“I understand.”

“That’s one of us. Jim, I really was stupid and I’m sorry. I’m here for as long as you want me to be.”

“Okay.” To Cal he sounded like a little boy, confused, defeated, and scared.

He needed to get out of his head, talk about something normal. “Can you slide over?” She let go of his hand, took the PADD from the shelf near the monitors. Jim had slid over to the side of the bed closest the windows. Cal climbed up with him. She purposely positioned herself slightly higher than Jim. “I thought we could look at some of the farm pictures. Sarah and Jake are enclosing the walk to the garge, and they are making the porch a full wrap around. See, they are making it look exactly like the part you designed. They are going to expand the garage. See the addition will go there.”

Jim leaned his head on her shoulder. “I like it.”

“Look at what Evan designed. He is taking the back and adding a mud room.”

“He must be tired of Jo coming in from the stables.” Jim smiled at the idea of mud and manure being trapsed through the house.

“More than a little. She tries, but there are times she forgets to leave her boots on the side porch. This way she’ll come in through this door.” Jim helped Cal hold the PADD. She pulled him in closer. Kirk moved the picture around until he was looking at the McCoy house. His fingers touched where his room was. The leaves of the pecan trees were still green. He didn’t say a word, but Cal knew what he was thinking. “Have any of them told you what’s going on?”

“About going home?”

“About anything.”

“They haven’t said much. Bones comes in and looks at the monitors. But he doesn’t talk about what he sees. I wonder if he knows what any of it means?”

“I’m sure he does. And before you ask, no he doesn’t tell me anything. He can’t.”

“I guess not. I don’t mind if he does.”

“You need to tell him that. He won’t tell me anything if you don’t give him permission.”

Cal had been mindlessly playing with his hair. Leonard did that sometimes when Jim was hurt or seriously ill. He snuggled in closer. He hadn’t missed Cal the day before, there had been too many people in and out of his room and he had slept most of the time when they left. But now he never wanted her to leave.

There were so many things they hadn’t talked about in all the years they had known each other. Dying had made things a little more urgent. She had to know. He took the PADD from her and placed it on the tray table next to the bed. “Can I tell you something? I have known this for years, but in my last moments, it was the one thing I was sure of.” He sat back so he could see her.

“You can tell me anything. I thought you knew that.” She took his hand then went to touch his face but he stopped her.

“I want to tell you, but what I want to say is selfish. It is wrong of me especially with who I am, with what I am.”

“Jim, you’re scaring me.” Her grip on his hand tightened. “Please tell me. It’s because I wasn’t here yesterday isn’t it?”

“No Honey. There were too many people here yesterday. Cal…”

“Yes.” Cal knew this was where it was going to end. She knew it was coming; he didn’t need her. He had his Enterprise family, and she had seen Carol. No one could compete with that woman, brains and beauty were an irresistible combination. They promised each other years before that one would tell the other if they had found someone with whom they wanted to become serious. Cal just wasn’t ready, not now. She took a deep breath. He couldn’t know how upset she was. He had to believe she was happy for him.

“I love you. You were my last thought. I have been in love with you since that first summer. There it is. Selfish as it is, I am in love with you.” Cal looked stunned. “Don’t worry, I know you don’t feel the same, and I’m not expecting you to.”

Her fingers flitted down the side of his face. “I am deeply in love with you. I have been since that first summer.” She leaned closer to him. “I love you.” Her lips met his in a soft, tentative kiss. He pulled her in closer melding her to him. One thing James Kirk knew, he would never love, or be with another woman. Caroline McCoy would be his world as long as he lived.

The smell of cooking bacon woke Seri and Len. “Imzadi, I’m going to get a shower.”

“If I join you, I’ll never get to the hospital on time.” She giggled as they went to the bathroom for their morning routine. Len left for the kitchen as Seri enjoyed her shower. Uhura was at the counter with Sarah as they watched Ben and Kat at the stove. It wasn’t long before the rest of the house was up. Bacon cooking was better than an alarm clock. Jo, still half asleep sat next to her father. “Good morning Turtle.”

“Morning Daddy.” She yawned while rubbing her eyes. Len could still smell the mint of her tooth paste. She took a sip of the orange juice Nyota had slid down to her and made a funny face.

Her dad half chuckled. “Toothpaste and orange juice don’t go well together.”

“No daddy, they don’t. I wasn’t thinking. Daddy, do you think I could go see Uncle Jim today?” She took the plate Kat handed her as Len took the one Ben handed him.

“Let me see how things go this morning. Your mom can give me a call later in the day.” Just then Cal walked into the room. “I see Jake sent you home.”

“He said three hours was enough and Jim needed his rest. I swear at times he’s worse than you.” She sat next to her brother.

Len leaned in to whisper in her ear. “You look happier.”

“I am. We talked about things we should have talked about years ago.” She stole a piece of his bacon.

“You wouldn’t be you if you didn’t steal my food.”

Seri came out with an arm full of clothes for Cal. She dropped them on the counter in front of her ‘sister’. “You forgot these. I added some more things that were dropped off from the ship.”

Nyota finished her breakfast. “I put all of the extras in the containers to go home. The only thing I kept here were toiletries and some of the clothes. Scotty said the ship needs extensive repairs so they need our stuff off.”

Scotty walked in the house just as she was going over what he had said. “Let me know if you want any changes. Now is the time. The repairs should take about a year.”

Len knew Jim might want to change some things. They could talk about it at the farm. “I was thinking I could use an upgrade on my shower. I like a seat in it.”

Scotty had a knowing smile. If he had a fiancé like Seri, he could think of a few things he would want in his shower. “Got it.”

“I need to head over. PT is coming in half an hour and Jake is probably dealing with Jim’s temper tantrum.”

Evan walked in with Crystal. “I’ll take the overnight.”

Cal cut in. “I was going to do that.”

“How about you take the six am?” Evan wanted to be there for any nightmares. The touch telepathy would help. He really wanted Jim to get a good night’s sleep.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’ll take a nap today.”

“Okay, but I’m going to spend some time there today.”

Len kiss the ladies before leaving for the hospital. He walked into Jim having a full-on argument with the Orthopedic doctor. She was having none of his bullshit. “Captain, you may be able to order your personnel around, but in here I’m in charge. If you want out of here you will follow my orders.”

“I thought he was in charge.” Jake turned to where Jim was motioning.

It took all of Len’s self-control not to laugh. “Not about this kid. So, doc, what’s the verdict?”

“He is capable of walking, but there is some muscle atrophy. PT will be here in less than an hour to start the regimen I have set out. I put my notes in the file. Dr. McCoy, is he always this stubborn?”

“You have no idea. I’ll make sure he has everything he needs. Do you think he will need a walker?”

“Definitely, for now he will not be able to stand without aide. It won’t take long to get him back to his old self.”

“Is there anything you can do to improve on his old self?”

“Nope sorry doctor.” With that she gave Jim a sideways glare before leaving the room.

Len walked over to the bed. Jim was glaring at him. “Don’t piss off the entire staff.”

“She won’t listen to me. I can’t do it.”

Jake stepped in. “She didn’t say you should stand up and do a jig. She said you need to work with the PT to regain your strength.”

“Kid this time you aren’t going to win. Today they are just going to do an evaluation. If you don’t cooperate you will be here longer. If you work you will be able to go home and sleep in your own bed. Your choice.” The door opened and the PT came through. He looked around the room. “Don’t worry we’re leaving. Jake let’s go grab some coffee.” With that the two men left quickly.

Len led the way to the cafeteria. A few interns visibly avoided them as they scurried by. “Your ex loves to watch them do that.”

“I know. I don’t know why they all do that.”

Jake grabbed two cups of coffee. Len took one as they walked to a small table in the far corner of the cafeteria. “Don’t you?”

They were laughing as a group of exhausted looking interns came in. One saw Len and was ready to make a hasty exit when Len smiled at him. The young man nodded to the senior physician before heading to the food counter. “I remember those days. So, how is our patient this morning?”

“Grumpy, but fighting. I think I prefer this to him not talking.”

“I know. Jake, he needs to do what they tell him to do. He won’t truly heal here.”

“I know. He needs to be home. I can get him to help with the plans for the new cow barn. Plus, the Perettises are talking about selling.”

“Really? That is interesting. It would be nice to have access to the rest of the stream, but I don’t know what we would do with it. I guess we could grow more hay or straw.”

“I’ll get him involved in that. He and I talked a little. I know he’s scared, but I can’t figure out what he is scared of.”

“Neither can he.” Len was studying his mug. “He’s too scared to address the fear. I want him home before he really starts to deal with the psychological ramifications of what happened.”

“It will help.” Jake took a sip. “Len, how are you doing?”

“I don’t know. Fuck, I haven’t told anyone that. These past couple of days, I don’t know how I feel.”

“Starting to decompress?”

“Maybe. Jake, I want to go home. Kahn took a lot out of me, out of all of us. I feel selfish. The gang, they’ve lost so much. They don’t have homes to go to.”

“Yes, they do. They’ve been talking about it. Spock, Scotty, Pavel and Hikaru snuck into their apartments, what’s left of them, and got out the last of the things they could find. Callie’s was the only one that was obliterated.”

“She didn’t have anything there she cared about. The holos and pictures she had were duplicates of ones at the farm. She said she didn’t even have a plant.”

“Thank God she wasn’t there.”

“I do. They should be almost done by now. I’ll com Joce, she can take Jo here in about an hour. Did you want to get back to the bungalow?”

“Naw, I’ll grab some food later. I want to hear what the PT has to say.”

“Jake, thanks again. I don’t know what I would do with out you and Sarah. Who has the kids, Tucker?”

“No, though he and Meg will be staying in the small bungalow next to the Tyler’s. Meg is at work most of the day and they would run rough shod around him.”

“Do they have enough room?”

“Yes, Meg says it’s less to take care of while they are there. Tachin and Kenakin have the kids. Evan said they both showed up to help. I hear Kenakin is helping Nadia. She asked him to show her how he did things on Betazed. Ev said Nadia really likes him and he treats her like one of his kids, in a good way.”

“I’m glad they get along.” Len stood, took Jake’s mug. Cleaning up gave him a sense of normalcy.

Jake stopped him at the door. “Lenny, never feel that your pain is any less valid than those who lost their homes. You lost a lot. Funny none of them seem overly upset about it.”

“Just happy to be alive.”

“That’s part of it. The rest is that they know they have a place to go, a place they can call home, even if just for now.”

The men walked in silence to the elevator. Len commed Joce, she would be over soon. He also commed the PT to meet him in his office. He didn’t want Jim to know what he had been told. Better to let the PT deal with his non-compliance.

“So, you left Tucker in charge?” Len opened the door to his office.

“Evan did. I doubt he’ll burn anything down. Evan’s bridge is working out well. You know he modified the original one he put in?” Jake took one of the seats in front of the doctor’s desk, Len took the other.

“He told me. He wants me to see it in person.”

“Oh, its something. George had to fight for the variances, but he got them.”

“Ev didn’t tell me that.” His raised eyebrow said it all.

“You’ll love it.” The eyebrow stayed up. “You will. Rob’s crop was above expectations. He’s thinking of buying and operating his own gin and processing plant, but he wants to talk to all of us first. He feels with all of us in town it is a good time.”

“It is. Also, Jim won’t say no to Rob. I need him engaged in things.”

“Rob figured. Get him back to Georgia and all of us.”

“That’s up to him.” There was a knock at the door. “Door unlock McCoy2566.”

“Door unlocked.”

“I hate that fucking computer voice.”

“Don’t tell Jo, she’ll break into it.” Jake smiled at eh look in Len’s eye.

The PT plowed into the room. He addressed both men with a voice drowning in frustration. “Good day Dr. McCoy, sir.”

Len knew what was coming. “Can I assume things didn’t go well?”

“I had heard the rumors about Captain Kirk. Everyone said he had a reputation as being a difficult patient. I thought it was all exaggerated. Turns out they down played it. Dr. McCoy you have my admiration and sympathy.”

Jake had to turn away. His laughter would not be appreciated by the young man. Len put on his best professional mask before addressing the flustered man. “He can be trying at times. Were you able to do the initial evaluation?”

“I was. He doesn’t need too much. We need to work on his muscle strength. It shouldn’t take too long to at least get him strong enough to use a walker, a few days at most. The muscle atrophy is less than I expected to see. Whether or not he’ll do it is another question.”

“I’ll take care of that. Just shoot the schedule to me and I’ll make sure there is someone in the room to help you.”

“Help me?”

“Not with your job, with the bull-headed Captain.”

“Thank you, doctor. I’ll send you the schedule.” The man left the room a little less flustered then when he arrived.

Len turned to Jake. “He is new. The previous head was killed in the attack.”

“And he got Jim as his first prominent patient? Poor guy.”

“All Jim needs is a reason. He hasn’t had that yet.”

“A reason?”

“To work, to come through this. I don’t know what’s holding him back, but I know even Cal couldn’t get him past it enough to not drive that poor PT crazy.”

“Maybe he needs to feel in control of something?”

“That’s probably true. He needs to have a reason that’s all I can come up with for now.”

“We should get back in there before he tries to do something stupid like stand.”

“Yeah.” They walked into Jim’s room. The Captain sat with his legs dangling off the bed. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“That guy doesn’t know anything.”

Jake went to go to him, but Len just put his arm in front of the man as he took a few steps forward. “Ok, since you know so much show me.”

The look on Jim’s face said it all. His eyes were all but slits. He put both of feet on the floor before pushing himself off the bed. Without warning his legs crumbled under him.

Len grabbed him before he hit the floor. “I think the head of the PT department might know a couple of things about this.” Jim was unceremoniously plopped back on the bed. “Now would you please listen and stop terrorizing my staff?”

“Maybe.”

Jake was chuckling at the exchange. He missed these two more than he had realized. Jim would be better able to deal with what was really bothering him once they were back at the farm, Jake was sure of it.

Jo had asked her dad if she could go see her uncle. It had been half a day, and all of the preliminary tests had been run. She could go and they wouldn’t have to make her leave. PT had been completed and Jim was free for the rest of the day. Jo was excited when Len had messaged Joce to come over. Now she was starting to feel nervous.

Mother and daughter held hands as they walked across the campus to the medical center. Jo hadn’t said a word since Joce told her they would be going to visit Jim. She hadn’t seen him since the night she cried on his chest, begging him not to leave her. Now he was awake. Would he know her, would he be different? Jo was scared. They got to the large building and quickly found their way to the closed ward.

Joce could feel Jo’s grip tighten as she opened the door to Jim’s room. Jake and Len stood on opposite sides of the bed. Joce got their attention as she called to Jim. “Look at you. You look almost human. The least you two could have done was run a comb through his hair. Honestly!” Jo had let go of her hand and moved quietly to the corner of the room across from the door to the hall. Her eyes never left her uncle.

Jake defended them as Len looked over the screens on the wall. “Come on, Mama got him washed but I helped brush his teeth this morning. That’s better than we did for ourselves.”

Jim’s eyes fell on his niece. He smiled slightly, but like Jo with him, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She looked small, scared. “Joce, can you take these two and feed them. They’ve been here all day and I don’t remember either of them eating. Coffee isn’t lunch.” Joce knew Jim wanted to talk to his baby.

“Ok you two, let’s get something to eat. Jim, Jo will take care of anything you need.” Len looked at his ex-wife, her look told him she had this under control. The two men followed her out of the room.

Jo tried to disappear into the corner. Jim hated that she was scared of him. “I must look awful. I’m sorry Jojo.”

“It’s alright Uncle Jim.” Jim extended his hand. Jo cautiously made her way to the bed. She was tentative when it came to touching him. She didn’t want to hurt him. What if she did something wrong and he had to go back into the tube?

“Why don’t you get up here? Your dad told me you’ve been up here already.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Baby, you can’t hurt me. If you don’t want to, it’s alright.” It broke his heart, the one thing he never wanted to happen had happened. His niece was afraid of him.

Jo felt him, but couldn’t understand what she was feeling, it was all mixed up. She climbed up onto the bed. “I was looking at the orange bridge the night I snuck in here.”

“Do you remember the day we went there?”

“Yes. The flowers were so pretty.” She took his hand and played with his fingers. “Uncle Jim, you scared me.”

“I’m sorry, I know I must look scary.”

“No, you look fine. You almost broke your promise. That scared me. You promised me you wouldn’t leave.” She laid down with her head on his chest.

Jim leaned forward, held her close, and buried his nose in her hair. She smelled better than any garden or perfume in the universe. He knew what Bones meant when he said there was nothing like holding his baby. Jo was his niece, blood meant nothing; she was his. “I didn’t want to leave you baby. Until the end I thought about you. You were with me. God Jo, I never want to break that promise.” His tears soaked her hair, but he couldn’t bear to let her go.

“I was with you?”

“Until I was gone, you were there.” He shut his eyes against the memory.

Jo let him hold her. She knew he was crying. Carefully she pulled her left arm out from between them and put both of her arms around his torso. “I’m not going anywhere. And you don’t get to go either.”

The two stayed like that until Jim fell asleep. Jo slipped out from his arms when she felt his breathing change. Quietly she sat on the chair next to the bed as she waited for her mom and dad to come back. “Hi Munchkin.” Jo hadn’t heard the door open; she was concentrating on her uncle’s breathing.

She jumped a little before turning around. “Hi Uncle Evan. Who has Crystal?”

“Nyota took her. She was going to get Spock and go into what is left of downtown. Something about Spock needing to get used to babies.”

Jo giggled. “I would love to see that.”

“So would I.” He could tell she was upset. “You okay baby?”

“Just scared.”

“About what?”

“Losing any of you.”

“Oh.” Evan pulled up a chair. “Jo, look at me.” Slowly she turned in her chair. “I’m not going to tell you it can’t happen, it can. But baby, you can’t live your life with that fear. If you do, you won’t enjoy the time we all have together. And life is to be enjoyed. One day, yes, you will lose us. But the memories we make together are how we continue to live after we die. We will live in each other’s memories and hearts. Baby, let the memories be good ones. What do you think?” He could see her mind turning over what he said.

“Do you think I will stop being scared?”

“On a daily basis, yes. Want to know something?” He respected his step-daughter enough to tell her the truth.

“Okay?”

“When I got the phone call, I was terrified. Initially because I thought it was your dad, then because I knew it was Jim. I don’t want to lose them either.” He took Jo’s hand. “But I’m not going to let that fear dictate what I do with them. We need to really live and enjoy each other every day. Do you understand what I am trying to say baby?”

“Yes. It’s just hard right now. I don’t want to lose you either. Uncle Evan, can I stay here tonight?”

“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I think you can stay if you promise not to leave the room. I bet your dad could get them to bring in a cot.”

“They do seem to be afraid of daddy.” She was really smiling, even her eyes sparkled like sapphires.

“I’ll be right back.” Evan needed to find Joce and Len. Jo needed to stay to convince herself that Jim was going to be alright. He didn’t want them to say no. She was a lucky girl, she had four parents that adored her.

Evan caught up with the other three in the cafeteria. “Hey, can we talk?”

Len looked around quickly. “Where’s Jo?”

“She wanted to stay with Jim. That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

Jake got up. “I’m going to grab some drinks. Anyone want something?” He wanted to give them time to talk alone.

Joce looked up. “Jo would love some cold tea if they have any.” With that Jake left the group. “So, what’s up?”

“Jo wants to stay tonight. I told her if you all agree to it Len could probably get a cot brought up.”

“Just her?” Len wanted to make sure he understood exactly what was being asked.

“It doesn’t have to be, but I told her she would have to promise not to leave the room. I think it would be good for her. Right now, she is terrified that any of us could die. I think the two of them together might help. We could bring over one of the board games. Both of them could start to get back to normal.”

  
Joce looked at the men. “If she promises not to leave the room, I don’t have a problem. One of us could come get her in the morning. What do you think Donkey?”

“He’s definitely stable medically. It may be a good idea. We have to ask him. I don’t want him to feel cornered.”

Jake was back. “You all ready or should I go for a walk?”

Len stood up. “No, we’re all done. Jo wants to stay with Jim tonight. If he’s ok with it we’re going to let her.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

It wasn’t long before they were back at the room. Jim was asleep and Jo was looking out the windows. “Hey Turtle.”

“Hi daddy.”

“I need to look at some of your uncle’s readings before I can say yes or no to you staying the night. If it all looks good then we all think you can take good care of him.” Jo threw her arms around her dad.

Joce had to interrupt. “Hey Owen, time to switch the watch. Len, call when you have an answer.”

“I will.” The four left for the house as Owen came in.

“So, how has he been?”

Len looked from Owen to Jim. “The medical team is getting a run for their money. He needs to come to terms with his ghosts. Jo wants to spend the night, but I want to ask Jim.”

“You didn’t ask him about us taking shifts.”

“No, but the nightmares aren’t something he worries about with you.”

“True.” Just then Jim started to wake.

Len walked over to the bed. “Good morning.”

“Good evening Bones. Jo left?”

“She went back when Owen got here. She wanted me to ask if she could stay with you tonight.”

Jim took a deep breath. “Alone?”

“Yes.”

“No. What if I have a nightmare and she tries to wake me. I could hurt her.”

“How about if one of us stays with her.”

“Seri or Cal.”

Just then Seri walked in. “What about Seri or Cal?” She walked over to give Jim a kiss. He closed his eyes as she kissed his forehead. _“I love you kiddo.”_

_“I love you too sis.”_ Jim looked at Len. “Why don’t you both get going? Seri can come back with Jo tonight. She’ll know if I’m having a nightmare before I get bad.”

“I can do that. What do you think?” Seri looked at Len. She knew it would be better if she stayed, she just wanted to hear his okay as the attending physician.

Len looked at both of them. “Alright, but I need to stay to go over things.” He called Joce who told Jo how it would work. The little girl was slightly disappointed but understood that a grownup might be needed. She didn’t know her uncle requested it only that it was deemed necessary. Seri left for the house as Len went over the charts and current readings. “Jim, you need to eat better.”

“I’m eating.” Jim was looking up at McCoy.

Len kept staring at the charts. “Alright, I’ll have some food set from Sarah, Kat, and Mama. That should help with these numbers. Owen, can you go grab some food for our obstinate patient?”

“Sure. I’ll be back.” Owen wasn’t stupid, he knew Len wanted time with Jim.

The door closed quietly. “So, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. I have PT everyday and if I’m a good boy I can go home.”

“About that, you are developing a bit of a reputation. It’s bad when they feel sorry for me.”

Jim started to laugh. “I know. I’ll try.”

“I am sending Mama or Kat here for your next secession.” Jim started to protest. “I wasn’t asking your permission.”

“I want to go home.”

“Then cooperation is necessary. Rob needs to talk to you and Tucker is taking care of the place until we go home.”

“Do you think it will be standing when we get back?”

“Tachin and Kenakin are there so at least I know it will be standing.” They were both laughing at some of the things Tucker had done. “Honestly Ev was right Tucker was the best person to ask. It took him two weeks to get there, but he didn’t hesitate to leave where he was to help us.”

“To help you.”

“No, to help us. Tucker came for you as much as me. Jake said he’s been coming every day to see how you’re doing.”

“Bones, I’ll try. I hate hospitals. They…after Tarsus IV I get nervous just from their smell.”

“I know. Jim, you are coming along. I don’t want you in here either, but you have to be able to at least walk with a walker before I’ll authorize your release.”

“Alright. Bones, don’t leave yet.”

“I won’t go until Seri and Jo get here.” He put in an order for a cot. “Owen and I can keep you company for now.”

“Just you two for now. Do the nurses need to come in?”

Len evaluated Jim’s mood. “No, I’ll take care of things.”

“Except for Chris, I feel like they are all staring at me. I know it’s Tarsus IV that makes me feel that way, but it doesn’t change things.”

“I’ll give you a break for now.”

Owen came through the door with enough food to feed an army. “The ladies sent this for all of us. Lenny can you call down for a table. I don’t want to eat on the floor.” Len sent down the request for a table and an extra chair. Once the table and chair came up, Owen and Len eased Jim out of the bed and half carried him over to the dinner table. Once Jim was situated, they all began to make plates and dig in. For a short period of time things felt almost normal.


	17. chapter 17

It didn’t take long to get Jim back into the bed and situated. Owen looked around the room. “One day the good doctor needs to tell us what all of the numbers and squiggly lines mean.”

Len continued to look at the screens. “Truth is they don’t mean anything. But if I look at them thoughtfully it makes me look extremely intelligent.” Len moved some small piece of equipment as he continued his study.

“I got news for you cuz, it ain’t working.” Owen flopped in the chair they had put next to the bed.

Jim studied both of the men, but his gaze settled on the younger man in the chair. “It’s all right Owen, we humor him all the time. It’s good to give the doc a boost of confidence. You know with his limited intellect…” Just then Len stabbed him in the neck with a hypo spray. “HEY!”

“Vitamins asshole, you need them.” He turned to Owen, brandishing the hypo. “Have anything else to say.”

“Nope, not a fucking thing, best doctor in the universe. Jim, I think I need to see if Roar needs any help with...with anything.” Laughing he left the two alone. Owen knew they needed time to talk, but it was fun ganging up on Len. It gave the three of them a fleeting sense of normalcy.

“Bones?” Jim sounded tentative, nervous.

Len was studying the readings. Everything still looked good. “I know you were kidding.”

“Not that. All kidding aside, how do things look?”

McCoy turned from the screens put down the bed’s side rail, and sat next to Jim. “All kidding aside? Some of your readings are better than they were before you died.” The last word was hard for the doctor to say, but Jim didn’t flinch. “The muscle weakness should subside with PT and then walking will come. Eventually you should be back to your old self.” He was looking into Jim’s eyes. “That is the physical; physically you should make a complete recovery.”

“No sign of the radiation poisoning?”

“None. Plus, your eyesight may have improved and the mild astigmatism seems to be gone.”

“Anything else?”

“The gene for male pattern baldness has been turned off.”

“It wasn’t turned off before?” Jim’s eyes grew wide as his eyebrows jumped.

Len snickered. “Nope.”

“When were you going to tell me?”

“When your hair started to thin.” The sideways grin seemed cemented to his face.

“Is yours turned on?”

“No, it isn’t.” Now he was laughing. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Jim took a deep breath. “I guess it really doesn’t. So, if I can walk with a walker I can get out of here?”

“Yes, but don’t push it. If you do you could put your recovery back a week or more. We all want you back home but at the correct pace. I’ve set up a physical therapist from Taccoa to come to the farm.”

Jim was playing with the edge of the sheet, staring at it as if it were the most complicated piece of equipment on the Enterprise. “Do they know?”

“Does who know what?”

“The town, do they know what happened.”

“I’m sure they do. All the federation knows.” Jim looked even more lost. “Nice thing about Taccoa, no one will give a shit.”

“I just want to be Jimmy.”

“You will be. But you know the ladies are going to want to take care of their boy. I think they are happiest when they are making a fuss. Remember when 42 hurt Pavel. Not much more than a good cut, but they fussed over him for a week.”

“Do you think Mrs. Volpe would make that Italian wedding soup with the tiny meatballs?”

“I think she will if you ask. You know how she loves you. You won her heart when you fixed her hover craft in the middle of that hurricane.”

“It was easy. I just got wet, no big deal. She taught me how to make lasagna the Neapolitan way.”

“I remember, and those amazing meatballs. Jim, you can do this, you can come back.”

“Can I?”

“You can. But I think you need to be home.” Len stood up. “I’ve given it some thought. If your readings hold you can leave before you’re walking. We can work on things back home. I’ll have the ortho call the PT and have things set up. The eval. has been done and trust me the PT here would be more than happy to turn you over to them. But you have to promise me one thing.”

“What is that?”

“No torturing the PT back home. If you do, you can go to Emory and be an inpatient.”

Jim chuckled. “I promise, but I bet you are going to have either Mama or Kat at my secessions.”

“Yep, or Sarah.”

“Oh shit! I promise, I’ll be good.” He was smiling, really smiling. “Bones, thank you.”

Len went to the comm panel as Jim drifted off to sleep. He commed the PT on Doyle St. in Tacoma. They agreed to have one of their more experienced therapists come to the farm three times a week to start. He explained how Jim could be and the office manager decided the new people would not be a good fit.

The doctor was sitting in the chair alternating between his reports and watching a sleeping Jim when the comm went off with a code he didn’t recognize. “Dr. Leonard McCoy.” He stepped over to the wall with the readouts and turned his back to the bed, hoping he wouldn’t wake Jim.

A woman’s voice Len didn’t recognize greeted him from the other end. “Hello, I was wondering about James Kirk. How is he doing?”

Len was confused. His code wasn’t public but the woman on the screen looked vaguely familiar. Someone in medical must have given her his business code. “I’m sorry ma’am, you have me at a disadvantage. I don’t know who you are.”

“Oh, I am sorry, I thought they told you. I’m Jim’s mother Winona.”

“Good afternoon. Unfortunately, I cannot give you that information.”

“But I’m his mother, his next of kin.”

“You are his mother, but you are not on his list of people to notify in case of emergency.”

“But I thought…”

“Ma’am…”

“It’s doctor.”

Len smirked at her obvious feelings of inferiority and lack of control. “Alright, doctor, you are not on my list of contacts with regards to the patient’s condition.”

He heard her sigh. Len would have felt bad for her if he didn’t know Jim’s background. “Doctor McCoy, I want to know if I need to come to see my son, or if he is doing better and I don’t have to leave here. I have a very important meeting tomorrow.”

“He will be in his home soon.”

“Where is that?”

“I would think that a mother would know where her son calls home.” McCoy’s exasperation was beginning to show through his professional mask. “You don’t have to inconvenience yourself. He has his family here. He is loved and cared for by them.” Len shut down the communication before he lost his temper.

Kirk shifted in bed, feigning sleep. Len didn’t realize his conversation had been overheard. Jim had stopped expecting anything from his mother years before. As a small boy he would cry for her, those tears were long dry. Len had told her his family was here, that he was loved. He was loved. These years with the McCoys and then his family on the Enterprise, and in Georgia, had given him a feeling in his soul that he had never known before. If coming to care for him was a chore for her, his true family saw it as normal. In his family it was a privilege to care for one another.

Funny, Charlie had congratulated him when he graduated and when he got the Enterprise. He checked in periodically and Jim would check in on him. They were brothers but they weren’t close, and it wasn’t just because they were physically light years apart. They cared about each other, but had grown apart and neither had enough in common with the other to want to try to close the gap. Charlie had married Aurelan while Jim was still in the Academy; he had taken Cal to the wedding. They had three sons Jim had never met. His brother and sister-in-law- were biologist with the Daestrum institute and had been sent to Deneva to study the indigenous animal life. He and his family had thankfully left Deneva before the parasites arrived. He would comm him when they got home. 

Len took a deep breath as he leaned on the shelf. Even with his eyes closed he could see her face; the look of indifference regarding her youngest written in her eyes. He had seen Winona at a conference on interspecies relations. He recognized her immediately. She looked like the picture Jim had unceremoniously thrown in his desk drawer at the farm. The woman charmed the room with her smile and superficial conversation. Len talked to her for a few minutes, he wanted a feel for who she was. In those minutes he learned all he needed to know. She had all the charm of her youngest, with none of the heart. She was calculating behind a beautifully crafted façade. No wonder she had advanced so quickly in the federation. Len had met her many times before; different eyes, different face, but the same person. Jim didn’t need the stress of having her near him, not now.

McCoy heard the bed creak as Jim turned over. Len wanted him to sleep. Later he would draw more blood and run it through the scans he had set up. He wanted him out of the antiseptic environment and back in a building where he didn’t have to worry about anyone’s motives. The doctor in him knew Jim would lash out, accuse them all of things that occurred only in his head. He would need to sit down with Jo. She wasn’t prepared for what was to come.

Kat walked into the room. “I heard that the patient has been giving the staff a hard time.”

“A very hard time.” He looked down at the ‘sleeping’ form in the bed. “It is his anxiety.”

“And he needs control of something.” The comm on the shelf started to blink. Kat nodded towards it. “They are going to say they need him in half an hour for a PT secession.” Len’s eyebrow shot up. “They commed your personal code. Owen answered they thought it was you. He had them going for awhile before Lena grabbed it from him. I think that might be them.”

McCoy sighed as he answered. They were coming for the first real secession. The PT had recommended they start that day after he went over his initial evaluation. Truth be told, he most likely wanted the captain out from under his care as soon as possible. “Kat are you staying for that.”

“Absolutely. He won’t argue as long as I’m here.”

“I’ll leave when they get here. I want to talk to Jo before she spends the night with Jim.”

“She’s with Pavel, something about playing Go.”

“Oh, that should be interesting.” The half hour passed quickly. Len kissed Kat on the cheek and left before the PT got to the room. He didn’t want to be there when they woke Jim up. With just Kat there, Jim wouldn’t be tempted to argue about the exercises.

It was early evening when the doctor entered the bungalow. Seri had gone to the civilian hospital and was still there. Cal was helping with dinner. The men were cleaning up the den and dining area, each arguing about where things should go and how the table should be set up for dinner. Pavel and Jo were tucked in the far corner. A small table held the Go board. Jo sat cross legged on her chair as Pavel leaned over the board, fingers tangled in his hair. “No, Jo, I don’t see it.”

“Don’t see what kid?”

“I don’t see how this move is going to block her next one.”

Len laughed and moved one of Pavel’s white pieces to the middle. “There, now you at least have a chance. Turtle, I need to talk to you about something.” Her brow furrowed. “You’re not in any trouble. We just need to talk about somethings before your uncle comes home.”

“Alright dad.” She smiled at Pavel, moved her next piece, then stood to leave with her dad.

Pavel tangled both of his hands in his hair as he leaned back into the chair, eyes never leaving the board. Len put on his best doctor mask as he fought back the laughter. “Can I borrow Jo for a bit?”

“Keep her as long as you want. Chert!” His eyes didn’t leave the board as father and daughter retreated to the outside porch bench.

Jo was giggling as they sat down. “He hates to lose. Go is almost the opposite of chess, strategy wise that is. It drives him crazy.”

“I should never have taught you that game.” He smiled as he moved a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I need to talk to you about what might go on with uncle Jim.”

“I know, he might get angry or be sad for no reason.”

“Yes, there is more baby. I know your uncle. He can get cruel when he feels cornered or powerless. Jo, he won’t mean it, especially when it comes to you. It is best, just for now, that you don’t fight back. Tell one of us and we’ll deal with it.”

“I don’t mind fighting my own battles.” She seemed determined to handle things on her own.

“I know baby, and you know I love that about you. This is a little different. With what he’s going through, you trying to handle it could make the situation worse. Uncle Jim has been through a great deal of trauma.”

“Because he died?”

“That and other things; he is having a hard time processing all of it. Does that make sense?” Len needed her to understand so she would do as she was asked. Joanna had a habit of defying them if they didn’t giver her reasons for their decisions or requests.

“Yes. Grandma told me about PTSD and what it could mean.”

“You should ask her about GAD as well. That might come in handy for later.” His smile was soft as he willed his daughter to truly understand what could happen if she didn’t comply with his request. “You know how much your uncle loves you?”

“Yes?”

“You know he never wants to hurt you?”

“Yes?”

“But you understand what all of this could mean?”

“I do. I’ll come to one of you if he says anything mean or yells.” She looked sincere as she took her dad’s hand.

“Do you think he’ll get better?”

“He will baby. But it won’t happen overnight. With us there to help him, he’ll get better.”

“He wouldn’t hit me, would he?”

Len knew that wouldn’t be an issue except during a nightmare. When stressed Jim tended to lash out verbally, not physically. “No baby. He has nightmares, and I don’t want you waking him if you see him having one. If you do you could get hit.”

“Is that why you wanted Aunt Seri with me tonight.”

“Yes, Uncle Jim requested it and I agreed. She knows how to handle him if that happens.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

He didn’t want Jo to be afraid of her uncle. Jim would move past this, there was no reason for her to be afraid of him. “No baby. He loves you so much and there is no reason to be afraid of him. If Aunt Seri asks you to stand back, just do that. Jo, I just wanted you to understand what is happening and what to expect.”

“I promise to listen to you dad. I won’t argue with him…for now.”

He kissed her on the forehead. “Don’t worry, it won’t be for long.”

“You’ll let me know when it’s over.”

“I have a feeling he will. Now go decimate Pavel.” She kissed her dad on the cheek before running into the den. Seri came walking up the steps. “I thought you were going to rest.”

She sat next to him. “I just want to help. Things are calming down so far as my skills are concerned.” She curled into his side.

“Want to come with me for a walk?”

She knew what he was up to. “Really?”

“I always wanted to try it. I know it’s a cliché, but I’ve never done it there.”

“Not even with Joce?”

“No, Jo was small so we didn’t have an opportunity.”

“Alright Dr. McCoy.” They headed to medical.

The elevator opened onto Jim’s floor. All of the rooms on this part of the hall were vacant. And the doors at both ends were locked. He drug Seri into the second patient room and locked the door. “Come here.” Without releasing her hand, he pulled her over to the windows. “Take off your clothes.” He took off his shirt.

“No romance, a little champagne, soft music, roses scattered on the bed…”

“Take off your clothes.” He kicked off his shoes.

“Alright.” She stripped, even taking the ribbon out of her hair so the blonde waves fell down her back and around her face. “Better?”

“Much.” Len knew all of the windows were one way. No matter what was put against them no one outside could see in. He pushed her against the window, tongue in her mouth and fingers in her before she knew what was happening. Her arms flew around his neck as her left leg hooked around his hip. He wanted her to cum with the entire world watching.

She started to push herself on to his fingers harder and faster. Her walls were pulsing hard almost crushing his fingers, then she tumbled over the edge. Even as she was cumming she wanted more; it wasn’t enough. Seri pulled off of him and sunk to her knees. He was sticking straight up as clear liquid dripped out of his cock to leave glistening streaks down his cock to his balls. His taste was an aphrodisiac to the Betazoid. Her tongue licked the liquid from the tip as she groaned her approval. _“Open your eyes Imzadi. Let the world see us. Watch them as they see you in me. I want them to see us.”_

Seri didn’t talk dirty often, but when she did it was always at the exact right moment. She knew how to play him; how to say exactly what he wanted to hear. Len opened his eyes. He could see across the quad. It was still a little light. People looked up at the building as they approached the steps. Len pretended they could see them. He let his mind play the fantasy that they were on display for all of the Academy to see. He would show them how it’s done. He would show them how to fuck.

Just then she took him all the way to his balls. “Fuck!” As she swallowed her throat constricted about him. Long fingers tangled in her hair as he leaned back slightly, his back arched forward making it easier to see her lips wrapped around his dick. People continued to look up to the window. Suddenly he felt her groan around him. The vibration pushed him closer to his edge. Instinctually he pushed deep into her mouth, his thrusts matching hers. Without warning he came hard, spilling down her throat.

Seri managed to swallow all of it. Carefully she pulled off him. Len was catching his breath when Seri noticed his hard on, it hadn’t gone down. He grabbed her again. Breasts pressed against his chest. This fantasy had played in his head since he was an intern; he and his lover in the hospital. A wall of windows was a bonus. Now he couldn’t come down. It took less than a minute to back her to the bed. This time she took charge. “No, I want you on the bottom.”

As he moved around her to climb on the bed, he turned on the monitors. When he laid down, the bed betrayed his excitement; heart rate, 110. “Come here.”

Seri climbed on top of him. In a moment her was in her and his heart rate went to 115. She started to rock, pushing him in and out of her until his hands grabbed her hips. He helped her speed up, her clit rubbing against his pelvis. Len loved to watch his fiancé lose control. Her head fell back causing her hair to brush against his legs. She rode him, tightening her legs the same way she did when she rode Cince across the dusty. She screamed as her walls locked around his dick. It wasn’t long before Len joined her; screaming his release as he arched his back off the bed.

Slowly she slid off of him to rest at his side. McCoy turned to her. Tiny slender fingers traced his hairline as sweat was pushed away. “I could get used to your multiple orgasms.”

Len smiled as he kissed her palm. “They are nice, but I wouldn’t get too used to them.”

“I know. We should probably strip the bed.”

“After I’ll tell housekeeping I took a nap in here.”

“That works. Did this live up to your fantasy.”

“It surpassed it. How about you.”

“I never had a hospital fantasy, but I did enjoy the windows.”

“Oh, a bit of an exhibitionist.” His finger traced a path from her neck down to her sternum.

“Only a little.” She kissed him on the nose. We need to get cleaned up.”

“We still have a little time.” He pulled her to him, resting his half hard dick between her legs. Normally they didn’t have sex this often, but almost dying changed things. Both of them needed to feel alive.

Jo was ready to leave for the hospital when Len and Seri returned to the bungalow. “Dad, should I take my nightgown?”

“It would be more comfortable then sleeping in your clothes.”

She smiled, ran back to her room then came out with her bag and the Go game. “Night daddy.”

Len kissed his baby. “Goodnight Turtle.” It might be a very long night but her trusted Seri to handle anything that might happen.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are welcome.


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